Nine months ago, I made a statement that I'm absolutely embarrassed to admit today.  I actually said these words that were in my heart and although I wished I had never said them out loud, I'm glad that my heart was revealed and I was held accountable to these words.

I declared that knowing theology wasn't really my thing.  I knew what I needed to know:  God loves me.  God pursued me.  Jesus died for me.  I trust him.  I believe him.  I love him.  I want to model my life like him.  He changed me.  He's coming back for me.  I'll be with him forever.  That was all I needed to know.  Anything else was too much information for this mom's brain and honestly really only people like Matt Carter & Halim Suh need to know these things.  I'll just believe whatever they tell me.

Oh my goodness, are you cringing on the inside too? Can't you just hear me saying these things? I'm glad to tell you that I do know just a tad bit more than I did 9 months ago, but for sure I have 100% more desire to know more than I have known before.

A few months ago I was faced with the reality of why I need to know things that are in the bible, and why I need to be able to articulate them.  Not only do I need to know things so that I'm able to discern false teaching, and so that I'm able to articulate the bible & gospel to friends that don't know Jesus, but I have four disciples that are under my teaching every single day.  My kids have been entrusted to me and they have more questions each day than I'd ever imagine could enter one human being's brain in a lifetime.  Most of them are about which super hero is better, or how we can ride a star, or if I could be any vegetable what would it be, but lots are about God and how he plays in their life.

Previous to my discovery of yearning and needing to know more I would always pass off Cayden's questions to his dad.  I would tell him to ask his Dad when he got home, because you know your dad is a pastor and ordained and guess what, he even has a degree in Christianity (whatever that means!).  He's much smarter at this stuff than mommy is.  If you want to know sports stuff, you ask mommy and if you want to know why God allows bad things to happen to good people, then you ask your dad.

I was missing my calling right in front of my eyes.  My disciples.  My pupils.  My babies are asking me to teach them and I'm waiting until their daddy gets home.

These past few months have opened my eyes up to the truth that I've been entrusted with knowledge that is not just for me to hoard and keep to myself, but it is for me to pass on to my children.  When Story asks me who is stronger, God or Satan, I know exactly what to say, although just so you don't think even worse of me, I could have answered this one before!  (2 Peter 2:4)  When Cayden asks why God would let a little kid die, I know exactly what to say.  I get to tell him that God is in charge of everything, and does everything to bring him glory, even when we don't understand. (Romans 8:28)  When Amos one day asks me why his mom couldn't take care of him, I can lead him to God's word where we learn that God uses everything in this world to bring good, even death, disease, starvation, and orphans. (Gen 50:20)  When their friend's Grandpa dies of a sudden heart attack, I get to pray with my kids and thank God that he's in charge even when things seem bad to us.  (Psalm 139:16)  When Cayden asks if God knows if he will follow him or not, I get to tell him that yes God chooses all those that will follow him and he already knows if he will or not.  (2 Thes 2:13)  When Deacon asks why God allowed that tornado to kill all those people, I can tell him that I am sad that those people died, but I trust that God uses all things to bring him glory, and is the author of all things as well.  (Daniel 4:35)

Moms, we are teachers every single day.  Every conversation about Jesus is teaching our children to love and trust the character of God and we can be the ones that point them to God's word and to Jesus.  I'm embarrassed of my feelings about theology 9 months ago, but encouraged by my growth and conversations that I get to have with my kids about God's character and just how much he stinking loves them and all of us!