Today's Fedna's birthday. In 2009 we hosted her on a medical visa here for 9 weeks. To say that she changed my life is a vast understatement. Read more posts I wrote about her: HERE.

One of my most vivid memories of her time here was during a baby dedication at our church. Baby dedications were always hard for me during our adoption process, but this was a different kind of hard. While waiting for our kids to come home baby dedications were so sad for me. I was longing to have my babies home and having to sit through those church services were hard. I struggled to be happy for the parents that had their kids with them. I struggled to not get angry with God for not allowing mine to be home yet. I selfishly wanted to be up there with my kids and it just seemed as though it wasn't fair that I wasn't able to have them dedicated on that day alongside all the happy parents up on the stage.

But with Fedna it was different. I remember sitting through a baby dedication with her on my lap. I always knew that Fedna was not my child, but while she was here I loved her as if she was. I held nothing back from her during those 9 weeks. I was acting on behalf of her momma in Haiti, and loving her as if she was my own daughter.

During that baby dedication I remember praying fervently for her. Asking God to protect her life, to heal her body, to equip her parents to take care of her, and that her parents would get involved in a local church and grow to love God and teach Fedna about his truths. Those were my prayers for her that day and I prayed those words many times over her through tear soaked eyes.

In a sense I felt a little helpless. I wanted this girl to grow up to know my love for her, and more importantly I wanted her to know God's love for her. It felt heavier for me because I knew that she was going home. It's almost as if I had to let her go and literally trust God with her life. I think we all do this with our children in a sense. We never know what tomorrow holds for them, but we assume they'll be here forever. We get to teach them, love them, and continue to point them to Jesus.

I didn't get that with Fedna. I only had 9 weeks. Now I trust God with the rest of her life.

Just yesterday I got a call from my brother about his foster daughter that him and his wife have had for about five months now. He told me that they think she'll be going home this week. They'll pack up all the belongings that they have accumulated for her, pray over her, tell her how much they love her, and then they'll send her back to her family. It will be one of the most bitter/sweet moments of their lives. On one hand they will be super happy that she's being reunited with her family, I mean that's what we want is reunification. On the other hand their family loves her. She's become a part of their family.

Last night my mom texted me a picture of her and my dad loving on this sweet girl and basically saying their goodbyes to her. The little girl that they have treated as their own granddaughter for the past few months. I got the text and immediately began to weep. You see I've been “Aunt Jamie” to this precious little girl. She's kissed all over my face, I have rocked her to sleep, I have held her hand.

I have loved her too.

She's been a part of my family as well, and I'm sad. I'm broken for her life. I'm praying the same things I prayed for Fedna for her. Asking God to protect her life, to heal her family, to equip her family to take care of her, and that her parents would know the love of God so that they can then teach her about his love and saving grace.

Just as I loved Fedna for a few weeks, this is what my brother and his wife have done as well. They have loved her well. So very well, but now their time is over. In a way that I'll never understand, God always knew that this sweet girl would only spend a few months with our family. God always knew that they would love her as their own, and then she would head back to her family.

Tonight as I think of this precious girl who will forever hold a special place in our family's heart, I'm choosing to trust in God's plan for things I can't see. In times when I feel as though my ideas are better, I'm reminded of how good our God is.

He is God and he is Good.

{Watch this video that has been so wonderful for me during hard seasons this past year of trusting God}

Lamentations 3: 22-24 “The steadfast love never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”