For a while now Aaron and I have been sensing God doing something in our lives. Sometimes I feel as though my life that I live now surely can not be how God intends for me to live. We live in a comfortable neighborhood, hardly have interatction with anyone that is poor, and have a house full of nice stuff. Sometimes I feel as though there has to be so much more to life than what we're living.
Lots of things have been going on in our lives that are forcing us to step back, re-evaluate and make some changes. A few things recently that we've been thinking about …
* Since starting our adoption of Amos I can't help but think of all the $ that is spent in America on STUPID stuff that could help my son and his country eat. (I'm not saying I don't do this foolish spending too)
* I've been reading Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne for a while now and it is challenging everything I have ever thought was right before. It has challenged my thinking on the poor. It has challenged my thinking on war. It has challenged my thinking on the death penalty. It has challenged my thinking of “the American dream”.
* I have an inward struggle about something of value in my life that I'm not as comfortable with anymore. I have told one person about this struggle. I don't' want people to think I'm a freak or feel as though I think they are bad for doing something that I will probably stop doing soon. It is about me and my journey. I hope to share soon about this. God is working on me big time with this.
* I do NOT want to do any gift giving for Christmas. I know this is extreme, but really, what does anyone in my family need? NOTHING. After viewing the people in Haiti and what they don't have, what do I need to get anyone in my family that costs $20. NOTHING. I do not want anyone to buy me a gift. NOTHING. Aaron and I have never exchanged Christmas gifts, and last year was the first year the boys got anything. We just never want gift giving to be a big deal. NOT that we are against it, but we just don't want to focus on it.
* I received a WORLD VISION gift catalog yesterday and think this is a great idea. You can donate to WV in someone's name and give them that as a gift. For example: for $100 you can provide malaria prevention for five families, for $715 you can buy a bull for an entire community, for $50 you can provide safe water for a school. I think this is a great idea and I know I enjoy every year on my birthday getting the card from my mom that says what was given to WV through her gift to me.
I struggle with an inward battle. I want more stuff, but yet I want nothing. I want to be dressed in nice clothes, but yet I want to wear rags, I want to give it all away, but yet I'm constantly wanting more. I desire to get my hands dirty, but yet I keep my distance from the “dirt”.
Anyone else on this journey?