I'm very emotional today. Ronel coming home last night nearly put me over the edge. I'm so overjoyed for this family. Ronel's dad has literally fought for him for the past two weeks. He would not leave Haiti until his son was with him. What a dad to have! Ronel is one blessed little guy and knowing Ronel I know that the Parker family is one blessed family to have him in their family now. Oh thank you to Jesus for getting this boy home to his family.
Here's an article in the Houston Chronicle about his home coming.
This morning I took the kids out for the first time around lots of people and not sure if it was good or bad for Amos. Once we got home we have had the worst 2 hours in the two weeks he's been here. I put Amos and Story in our double stroller hoping that this would detour people from being all up in his face and all over him. He gets very overwhelmed in these situations and that's why we've been home for 2 weeks trying to establish our family. I'm pretty confident that we still have some weeks in us of just hibernating at the house to build up the “Ivey Team”.
We got home and things went downhill. I can almost see when they are beginning to go downhill, and so I adjusted and loved and bent down on his level to talk to him. I think I missed my signal b/c he was done. After a simple request for him to pick up his shoes, he refused to look at me, talk to me and pushed me away. I held him close even as he pushed away and repeated what I always tell him. “Momma loves you. I will never leave you. You are here forever. This is your home. I love you.” Over and over and over again as he begged to get out of my arms. I held him. Loved him.
Things started going better and I'll spare you all the details, but they went from bad to worse in about 2 minutes. I've always heard people say that they are having to rely on God's strength minute-by-minute and I honestly don't think I can remember a time in my life where I literally was begging God minute by minute for something until today. I'm embarrassed to say that I was begging God to take away my anger. If Cayden or Deacon would have done some of the things he did they would have been in big trouble. But Amos is different. Amos is hurt. His heart and soul are wounded. Very wounded. He can't help it. He is learning to trust me and to love me. I was begging God minute-by-minute to refocus my heart and to allow his heart to trust me and love me.
Things eventually got better and we loved each other, laughed, kissed and hugged. I always try to get right back to normal after these episodes b/c I want Amos to know that Mommy is not mad at him, but she loves him and she won't ever leave him.
When people think about adoption, unfortunately these are not the first things they think of, but adoption is hard. It is very hard. BUT I WOULD NOT TRADE MY LIFE FOR ANYTHING. I love my kids. I love this journey we are on. I love adoption. I love that God formed our family through adoption. I love that God is not surprised by any of this, and he has big plans for this family and all four of my kids. I'm one happy momma! My babies are all here. We might have a long journey in the next few months, but I don't care. I have God to guide me and my son is home.
So, now I'm off to veg for a few minutes as all kids are resting. I'm praying that this afternoon is the best afternoon yet. It just might be.
Hey there. I have been following your story and the Parker’s story for a few weeks and I have SO much respect and admiration for the work you guys are doing in these little guys life. I’m even a bit jealous that we aren’t there yet. We talk about adopting daily, but we have yet to figure out even how to get started, how much money we would need, let alone how we would juggle the issues you are facing now.
None of that is important I guess…more than anything I wanted to say someone you don’t know in Colorado is praying for you all. You are so right when you say God already knows…and He knew you were the perfect mommy for Amos and all your babies. I just want to encourage you with all the things you ALREADY know, so I won’t state the obvious, I’ll just close with this: Proverbs 3:26 for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.
Be blessed today and take some deep breaths along with the blessing 🙂 Sara
It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job!! Do you have some good resources for attachment and/or attachment disorders? I’m not saying this is what he has, but there are goooood Christian books and conferences on parenting kids with this type of behaviors. Its all so new and overwhelming on levels I can’t comprehend I’m sure. I have been praying for u since your flight to Orlando to get him and will continue to do so!
Lindsay thank you so much. Yes I have a few books that I have skimmed through, but I think I might need to buckle down and re-read them. I read one when we started about 2 years ago! That one I should re-read!
Praying for Amos and his precious heart….and for you all!
Thanks Sara! I just wrote that verse down and taped it in my laundry room (where I spend lots of time these days!!!) so I can read it as I do laundry!
I had days with my oldest daughter where I would have to just hold her while she screamed, spit, bit and cried. Like you, I would rock her and tell her how much we loved her and that she was safe and home FOREVER! That has been 8 years now, and she sees that she will stay. She has her moments where with her I think something is engraved in her soul, a fear that she will be left, that she will hoard or say a certain thing, but we always answer it with a ‘I love you very much and you are stuck with us wether you like it or not!’ type answer…only because now she is a 10 yo pre-teen…hehe
It will get better, the things he has seen over the last few weeks have got to weigh so heavy on his little heart…to not be able to put that out in words that people can understand must be frustrating.
You and Daddy are doing a wonderful job.
LeAnne
Jamie,
Hang in there! It is so hard when you are dealing with kids that are hurt! I struggle with the same stuff with Mo-man. We’re a year into and there are still times that I wonder where is this stuff coming from!? Jesus help me!!! BUT it does get easier, and it does get better. and Jesus will indeed heal his heart and give you patience to wait.
Jamie, I struggle with this too. Like you said, my other kids would not get away with what the little boys do but I have to find new and alternate ways of dealing with the behavior because my “traditional” responses don’t work with them. I struggle with feeling angry too. I guess I am fortunate that mine are young enough to put into separate cribs and give Mommy timeouts when she (I) needs them! You are doing a great job, keep loving and praying and God will do the rest.
Thanks LeAnne and Jen – it’s great to hear from people that have been there done that. Did either of you read great books you would recommend?
Man, I feel that way sometimes with my daughter and she’s just 10 months old. No backtalking or not listening or anything like Amos, but just times that I wonder what I’m doing, why it isn’t working, and if I’m supposed to be acting like that. I literally have to walk away for a few seconds, take a few breaths and remember that she just doesn’t know any better. Amos just doesn’t know how to respond yet, but like my Mary Beth, all the love in the world is being showered down on to them and you’re getting even more prayers from all of us throughout the world reading your blog. Just keep repeating “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” It’s become my mantra…
Praying for all of you,
Kristi
Jamie praying for you and Aaron. These times are difficult. God will give you the strength and everything you need. God is not caught off guard by these emotions or things that are happening. He understands it all. He holds it all in his hands. Praying for you and Amos – God bless him. We are all praying for you.
Jamie- I just want to send you some encouragement. I know it’s hard and it’s hard to know if you are doing the right things and making the right choices but hang in there and give it your best.
Sending up constant prayers for your entire family. Thanks for sharing the ups and downs of your life. I admire you as a Mom, and as a Christian. God IS doing wonderful things through you.
I love you girl! Your honesty is so refreshing. I am praying for you all!
I am just a stranger that has been following your story. And it is a beautiful story indeed.
Praying for you (all), for rest, for peace, and for confidence.
I read your blog earlier today, and this thought has been floating around my head, I hope it encourages you…
Our God is so fantastic in how He shows His love for us. I love how He relates us as His adopted children (eph 1:5). I love that as I watch adoption stories unfold, I realize the sacrifice and struggle of the parents. Adoptions are not cheap. They don’t happen on accident. We as God’s adopted children were not cheap, and we didn’t end up in the family accidentally. He sacrificed for us… and here is where your story struck me today… God has to daily remind US of His faithfulness and His constant love.
I guess, I saw myself in Amos’ role today, and God as my adoptive parent, in your role. So often, I act out, and yet He is faithful.
God knows this struggle of yours perfectly. He chose the story of adoption to relate to us His deep love for us, His children. He is the Father of many adopted children. He is walking alongside you in this.
Blessings to you, and a restful night as well =)
Jamie,
You don’t know me, but I have been following your story for weeks. I just wanted to stop in and say that I am praying for you and for Amos, and for your entire family. What you’re doing is wonderful and my thoughts and prayers are with you all.
~LJ
Oh Jamie… what an outstanding mom you are. To all your children.
Your honesty in this post is so refreshing — I hope it was in some way cathartic for you to write it.
Know that we think/pray for you so often. The story of your family has touched me in ways only
heaven will know.
You have handled things today like any good mom would — the basis for the struggles Amos had today may be unique but really, you handled a stressful day like a great mom and kudos to you for it! 🙂
You are loved, m’dear. Big hugs to you… 🙂
XOXO
Ruth
Since someone mentioned great books, have you read Karyn Purvis’ book The Connected Child? EXCELLENT reading for adoptive parents. She also has a website called “Empowered to Connect” (www.empoweredtoconnect.org) with some really great videos you can watch online.
You’re a fabulous mom, Jamie – because you see and recognize all of the changes and losses that little Amos has experienced in his short life. Acknowleding those hurts, as you are, rather than ignoring the tremendous loss inherent in adoption, is what can truly help bring about healing in these precious hearts. You’re much farther ahead of the game than many adoptive parents are in seeing your child’s behavior as a form of communication.
Press on, my friend!
praying for ya’ll. we “live” this too. very common. you did the right thing and staying in for a while is wise. i have been reading, Parenting the Hurt Child. highly recommend it…at some point. ya’ll hang in there.
loving being on this journey together. I was just telling E tonight that it is amazing that our children are home and so close to the same timing.
praying.
love you friend.
Amen, sister! Adoption is HARD and GLORIOUS!!! I know I wasn’t easy to adopt!!!! And my God has stood by me and forgiven and been my Rock! And you and Aaron are giving Amos a glimpse into his heavenly Father’s eyes!!!!! The hard times will still come, and you guys press through! We were at home ALONE with Jeremiah for TWO MONTHS. It was HARD. But the fruit has been SO WORTH IT!
It is wise to stay home and bond with him! It is wise to keep your world, the Ivey’s for now…one minute at a time….one day at a time….with grace abounding and God doing things we cannot see and things we can….you guys will be the Ivey Team you long for….that Amos longs for….and GOD WILL GET ALL THE GLORY!!!!!
Tears.
We love you guys! Press on toward the goal, sister! It’s all worth it!
much love
Shawnda
Thank you for your honesty about how hard it is. People do need to hear that it isn’t always happy go lucky sunshiney rainbows.
We adopted Callie when she was 10 and we had to deal with many issues all at once. There were things that we had to address with a 10 year old that we would have tackled with our others when they were 2. I remember having to take her to the ground and hold on to her until the rage finally left her body. There were days that had no sunshine.
But, now, we still have things we deal with. She has severe learning disabilities, but she is ours and we are hers. God has blessed us and those around us with her presence.
And, though there are days we still shake our heads and wonder how this is all going to turn out, we can’t imagine her not being here.
Dear Jamie:
I have been following your blog and I am so, so happy you have your family together! We are waiting for our Tamaelle. Do you know anyone who is a Category 2 or pre-IBESR? That’s where we are and I would love to connect with anyone else in a similar situation. dorie@soldiercreek.com
Enjoy your family!
Best, Dorie Lawson
Jamie, you are doing all of the right things…from paying attention to his needs, learning to watch for signals, being honest, asking for help…everything. My parenting journey wasn’t an adoption journey (my girls are 16 and 22), but at times it felt unrelentless. And I am pretty convinced that if you are simply a constant… and simply love (as messy as that is), you are being a fabulous parent. I think if pay attention, and SEE them, and keep your heart open, and help them keep theirs open…it will work out. My advice to you would be to keep your partnership with Aaron strong, and take time for yourself…this will help give you the strength you need to pass on to your kids (all four of them!). Kim
Thanks Dorie – I don’t know anyone pre-IBESR. Good luck! Where are you adopting from?
I am so thankful for your vulnerability. I am experiences so many of the same things/emotions. I think about calling you every day and then by the time I’m free, it’s midnight! One of these days we’ll have to do a conference call/group therapy session.
I love you Girl! Know that I am praying for you.
Dear Jamie, I shared a few emails at the beginning of the adoption process with you but I’m not sure if you will remember me. I was just randomly clearing out some old emails and came across your blog tonight and couldn’t resist commenting 🙂 My son has been home about 2 1/2 years now and he is doing so great, but there were times when I felt such fatigue and exasperation, so please know that there are many who understand you!! I read every book imaginable and they were so helpful but I also want to encourage you to find some flesh and blood help and support. I really recommend finding a good therapist (you have to really be careful to find one who knows all about adoption/attachment/trauma) to do play therapy with your little guy and to check in with you and support you. You really need lots of encouragement….it is no small thing to add a member to your family, but it is even greater when that child has been hurt. Also, I sat in on a phone support group that is being offered free of charge each week from the Beyond Consequences Institute especially for families bringing their children home from Haiti and I thought it was so great (wish I had had that opportunity!) If you are interested in knowing the details of that, feel free to email me. I know things will get better for you! Warmly, Amy Kendall
You know that when you read a post like that and it makes you want to adopt again and again that there is some supernatural grace and love that flows through you during that time.
I always think (just as others have said), isn’t what my child is doing, just like what I do to the Lord? I tell you, I have some serious RAD that comes out even now with God! (not saying that Amos does of course)
praying for you . . . Julie
Thanks Julie! It’s amazing how God still loves me after I treat him the way I do!
Thanks Amy & Christy! Both of your suggestions are great!