I don't realize how much I enjoy the ease of living in Austin with a family that stands out until I arrive in small town Ruston, LA. In Austin we are never stared at. I mean really, most people there have something weird about them, or if they don't they are used to seeing the weirdness that is all over our town there. Tattoos, earrings in places you never knew you could pierce, two woman, two men, men riding their bikes in thongs (yes my mom and I saw this last time we were at Deep Eddy), women who don't shave, men who do …. I'm telling you they are all in Austin . It is the “normal” there. We LOVE it! I love how no one gives us a second glance when we walk around.
Now I'm in Ruston, LA and I have been stared at so much since I got here. I have been gawked at really. People tapping the person next to them to look at me. UGH. I took the kids to Wal Mart to burn some time this morning and you would have thought we all had signs on top of our heads that said stare at us. We have some friends that live about 30 min from here with two black daughters and I texted her to say how in the world do you do this.
I get that people are curious, but these stares are different. I'm talking people looking as if to ask, what the heck is that family? How could that be possible?
Once again this would be reason #764 that I LOVE living in Austin! People are weird and no one cares!
Your family is beautiful 🙂
I love the way you all look!
do the looks change any when aaron is along?
i’d imagine just seeing you alone with them, they probably jump to the conclusion that it’s a “yours, mine, ours” blended family… but are wondering how it works that deacon is older than story… and jumping to all sorts of infidelity conclusions.
where seeing both of you with them, they’d be going to less of the tempting “juicy gossip” style assumptions… whether guessing adoption or that not all of them are yours.
My family used to live in North Carolina and Virginia. As my two children were part of an inter-racial adoption, we were constantly stared at, followed, or even worse, I was constantly asked if my kiddos were my foster children. I’d get mean comments muttered under breath, and my children were always asked who their real mother was. After a while, I stopped paying attention, or so I thought. Three years ago, we moved to northern Illinois – the first time I went in to a store, it felt wonderful. I didn’t know why until I realized that noone was staring, noone was following us, and when we left, I was complimented on my well-behaved pretty daughter. It is never questioned that I am their mom. My children have never been asked whether they live in a foster home, and have not been asked who their real parents are.
That is not to say there is no bigotry/racism, but it is such a relief to live where my family isn’t under scrutiny.
I love that you live in Austin too!!! AND…I used to see the bike guy with a thong all the time when I lived downtown. I think he lived by me. It’s quite the sight!
That’s why we love Austin too 🙂 Sorry about all the weirdos in LA. I get stares in certain parts of the country with my dreads. Just stare back at them intently and SMILE. Gets ’em every time. xxoo
My kids are with us through foster care. We have been asked a few times if they are from Haiti or Africa. Sometimes it seems that people would be more comfortable with it if they were from another country as “foster kids” often get a bad rap. But, then again, people get criticized for adopting internationally too. I’ve never understood why people feel some kids are more deserving of a family than others based on where they come from (well, based on anything, really).
I was at a kids event recently in a little, trendy town and, whoa, did we stand out. I was feeling the glares. I’ve received plenty of kind and nice compliments when we are out and about but we get the bad stares too. My prayer and hope for a future generation is that as more families grow through foster care and adoption, less people will see us as “weird.”
Well author, i’m FROM Ruston, and maybe it’s just you. We don’t stare at everyone that’s different, but don’t go in public looking trashy and not expect some people to look. Ruston is a clean (winner of cleanest city almost every year), has great schools and social groups. Maybe if you looked in the mirror before you went out and decided to not look like trailer trash, you’d be more comfortable. The whole ‘be yourself’ ideology is asinine publicly, you’re just weird..
“Keep Austin weird!”
John I think you are missing something. If you knew me or read my blog any other time besides today you would know that the reason people were staring at me is b/c I’m white and have 3 kids that are black. That’s why they were staring. I didn’t look like trash. Thanks though!
John,
Wow. Really? You realize you’re not helping Ruston’s case AT.ALL.
Becca
Man, you are making me want to move to Austin!
(Oh, and John, you’re a moron)
I am from Ruston, and I would like to apologize for the entire city. Ruston actually is a rather nice place, but you’re right… It’s pretty much fish bowl. People typically are concerned with things that are none of their business.
First of all I hate that you had this experience. Secondly, I am glad that you had this experience. The following will explain that a little.
1. I am the uncle of an international adoption kid that lives in Ruston and he has been loved, accepted, celebrated, and cared for by the wonderful people in that town. (I am from there but don’t live there and have not since high school.)
2. The difference between Austin and Ruston is more complicated than you think. Ruston is still like a fishbowl because the people there still see people. It might at times cause them to stare when they should not, but they still see people. The reason people do not stare in Austin is because people don’t really see people anymore…they just see the crowd of people. I am not sure that the total indifference of the majority of the people in a place like Austin is really all that better an approach to life than the prejudice of the minority in a town like Ruston. I think I would rather someone hate my existence than not realize I exist. Just a thought.
3. Adoption is the choice to change the world one life at a time. And the choice to be a world changer is a difficult one. Those of us who choose to live lives that change the world can not allow ourselves to be angry at the world for having not yet changed. When we do that it makes our world-changing decision cynical and selfish instead of generous and loving.
Your choice to adopt is as beautiful picture of love as the world can see. You need to be willing to live the life of a world changer even when it hurts. Tell your children your family stands out because your family stood up while the world sat down and allowed the children of this world to starve to death in poverty. Be proud of that and let them be proud of it. I know you want to protect them, but know what will really impact their lives.
Those lives are not going to be shaped by the stares of a stranger. There lives are going to shaped by the incredible choice of parents that chose to love a child that was not their own as their own so much that the child became their own. (it is a beautiful picture of God’s love for us.)
4. Don’t respond to prejudice with prejudice. For all you know half of those stares belonged to people who said in their heart…”Thank you Lord for changing things in this world.” It’s not likely but it is possible. Those of us who leave the small town for bigger places often love the bigger places and value its approach to life over the other without looking deeper. You are assuming things about people and at the same time being angry about them assuming things about you.
It is natural and we all do it, but we need to be challenged not to.
Lastly, thanks for the insight. My wife and I have just started our personal adoption fund and are looking into foster parenting. I will also be leading the church I pastor to start an adoption fund to help families in our church adopt children. I appreciate the insights for our future. I hope my words encourage you. What you have done and are doing is beautiful and makes God’s heart smile…but his heart smiles at something in Ruston everyday too.
Kirk, thanks for your response. yes we are different and we are all okay with that. These stares this week have been different and uncomfortable. So far none of my kids have noticed and they just do their thing. I am for sure not mad that people are curious of our family, but I do get bothered at some of the mean stares and rude questions asked to me in front of all of my children.
I want you to know your story inspires us. I pray for you. We are currently heading into this process. I am absolutely convicted over the plight of the orphans of this world and want to make a difference. I know one day I will experience the emotion you have and I want to do it well and with purpose. Thanks for sharing your story. I am not sure what our journey will look like but this is all I know right now…
I had begun to deal with some convicting issues and ideas about poverty and kids…one night as I did my daily ritual of asking my children what they were thankful for that day and reading some Bible thoughts with them and praying with them…God hit me with this thought “there is enough love here for at least one more.” I teared up and could barely finish my time with my kids that night.
So here we are about to start down a road that will have many bumps. So thanks for sharing yours with us. Even the hurtful parts.
Jamie, I live in va now. we lived in edinburg tx for 4 years before moving here. My husband is from venezuela and I am a white american. Our children are a beautiful mix of our skin tones. But I actually really know what you mean about the stares. In texas no one cared, we didn’t even get second glances. Here in va we are constantly getting stared at. I have even had people look at my kids and mumble under their breath “mixed kids” it’s so irritating. I feel for you! Erin
Jamie,
As a former resident of Rudston and a current resident of Austin, I know how different the midset of both these places truly is. While I don’t think people are invisible in Austin, I think that the backgrounds there are more varied and more accepting than in a small town where everyone know everyone (and most of their business).
It’s very easy in a small town to stand out (for any reason), and “different” is not something Ruston easily embraces. My decision to become an unwed mother at 21 has given me some insight to this. But each summer we return to visit, and each summer I notice that there’s a little more acceptance. But it’s not everyone, and it’s unfortunate that this is the side of Ruston you’ve experienced.
I love raising my son in Austin, but I also love bringing him back to my small hometown for its sense of community.
I appluad your heart for adoption, and am in inspired by your families daily demonstration of Christ’s love.
i would just love to let you know that i was probably one of those people staring this week.. not because of rude thinking, but because i was soooo incredibly inspired by you and aaron’s BEAUTIFUL family! i can see a glow… Christ’s glow through you and your kids! i thought it was awesome to have y’all at camp! thanks for being such an inspiration even behind the scenes and sharing your husband with us! i hope you take into consideration how many peope were probably staring in amazement of your humility and love! thanks again!
Thanks Ty! It was mostly our trips around town that were hard. I know people are curious. Thanks for your sweet words. We had a great week at camp!
On my way 😉
Jamie,
I don’t know you but I found this post of yours through my sister, Brandi. So much about your post (and comments received) makes me so sad. I claim Ruston as my home town….moved there when I was in sixth grade, stayed through college, and have not returned to live since graduating college (although, I would love to return if possible) in 2002. I currently call Fort Worth home.
I can see that the leader of the city welcome wagon, “John”, has already stopped by to encourage you in your love for our small town. I’ll make sure to thank him at one of our aforementioned “great social group” potluck dinners. (“John,” put us down for two plus a baby…and, I’ll be bringing my famous peach cobbler!) I kept reading his comment thinking it was a sarcastic joke.
“John,” I find it interesting that you are bold enough to spew hurtful remarks on a strangers blog, yet cower behind anonymity when it comes to your identity. I find it stomach churning to think that it is possible that I might actually know you. Were you the kid I sat behind in Algebra, did we go to prom together, did you live on my street….you know, since you are “FROM” Ruston. I am not writing to defend the author because I am sure she can take care of herself, seeing as how she is the mother of FOUR children. But, what you wrote has irritated me to no end for the last several days. Jamie, it has not gone unnoticed how you have chosen to turn the other cheek in regards to such hateful remarks. I can really appreciate that.
There is so much I want to say on this topic, but I will try to refrain for the sake of being brief. Like many others, I commend your family. I love your actions to no end, and have hoped since college to do the same. I worked with AIDS orphans for two years and have seen first hand the devastation in the lives of young children. Adoption, especially the adoption of a child from a different culture, should be something to celebrate. I am sorry that you felt ostracized in Ruston. I will trust that as an intelligent woman you know the difference between a stare of curiousity and intrigue over a stare of condemnation. I am sad to know that you will most likely always have a bitter taste in your mouth when you hear of or think about Ruston, La. Please, just know that every village has an idiot and we call ours “John.”
p.s. hopefully you were able to sample some Ruston peaches to help redeem your visit.
Ashley
I was JUST talking about this!! We live in Ft Bend… most diverse county in like the whole country. Nobody even notices us here. I adore it. Whenever we go on road trips and stop in small towns we feel like a circus act! I forget we are weird till we leave. Oh well, weird is the new AWESOME! Angel
Thanks Ashley and yes I did sample some Ruston peaches! They were delicious. My kids have gone crazy over them and the last two are sitting on my counter top now. I’m sure they’ll be gone first thing in the morning!
Thanks for visiting my blog!
:)Jamie
Angel you know I went to high school at Elkins in Ft. Bend and my hubby and I both went to HBU and lived in Sugar Land after we got married. I notice lots of people that you knew on facebook were from a church there, but I can’t remember the name. Where do you go to church?
:)Jamie
Jamie, I want you to know that you and aarons story has been a huge encouragement to my wife and I. We are actually leaving in 12 days for Ukraine to adopt at least one child. I actually serve in Ruston and apologize for the looks given to your family. I was actually planning on taking Aaron and the guys out for lunch until I saw the whole family was in town and wanted him to enjoy his limited time with you guys.
Our family is committed to the call to take care of orphans and plan to adopt as many as the Lord allows us to. We pray that God will begin to show the heart of adoption in our community but even moreso that God will break our hearts and that the gospel will begin to heal years of racial division in our community. Thank you again for the example you and Aaron have set for Christian couples to have pure and undefined religion. Hopefully we will b able to see you and your family at together for adoption in October. Praying for you and your family.
Thank you Casey for the kind words. Thanks so much. Hopefully we’ll meet up in October!
Love this. Funny, we have family in Rayville LA and the same thing happens to me there. When I am out with my kids, I get looks. But not in Waco where I live. I love my mixed family and yours is a beautiful thing and there should be more families that have that beauty! Carry on girl.
Thanks Mariah!