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I have a whole post written in my head titled “Jamie, read this when all hell breaks loose”.  I want to write something to remind myself of the truths that I believe before my world crumbles.  I want to put down on paper what I believe in my heart so that when the world doesn't seem to be right I can review the truths that I know in my heart.  I want to proclaim my trust in God no matter what.  I want to declare the goodness of God to myself, so that when it doesn't look that good I will know that in fact God is good.

Instead the words aren't coming.  I've been trying to write this post since I wrote all the letters to myself back in October. It's like I am scared to write them, because in my twisted head I feel like if I write them down then surely God's going to make me prove myself to him.  As if he's testing to see if I really believe what I write.  I'm certain this isn't how God works, but in my weakest moments when I'm scared of what suffering I will endure here on earth, that's when my mind wonders to those scenerio's.  Will it be Aaron?  My kids?  My house?  My family?  My health?  What suffering will he bring towards me so I can prove myself?

Although this thinking is super jacked up and twisted and not biblical, I am confident of this one thing – I will suffer on this earth.

It will happen.

I don't know what my suffering will look like, but I'm certain it will happen.

What I want in that moment is the truth.  The truth in God's word.  I don't feel ready to write that post to myself, but I will soon.  I will soon write down the truths I know to be true so that I will have them there to remind myself of what is true when all hell breaks loose.  It's what I know I will want in that moment.  The truth.

Until I write that post, feel free to catch up on last week's #RestlessProject with Jennie Allen.  Of course our subject was suffering.  It was a great discussion, and one that is real life for most people.

What is your suffering?  What truths are you clinging to as you walk through this fire? 

Jamie Ivey