I have so much in my head but i have a feeling those of you that read this blog are getting depressed by reading my blog. I am always seeming so down and out. I feel like on the outside I look all pretty and happy and on the inside I'm dieing. Waiting. Longing.
This morning I almost skipped church. Yes, on Easter Sunday I almost didn't go. I woke up mad. Mad at God that yes April 12th did come and my kids aren't home. You see he never promised me this day, but I still prayed for my kids to be home by now. I know many of you have as well. For that I say thank you. Please keep praying. I have no new date for you, and honestly not sure I can pick another date. It's just too hard when it passes us by like any other day.
I didn't skip. I went. I'll admit I had a little of a bad attitude when singing “he can move the mountains”. I was almost mad that MY MOUNTAIN was not being moved right now. Don't worry I am not still mad … well …. not as mad, and I'm getting over it. I still trust him. I still know that he has conquered the grave for me. I still know that he's in charge, and I'm still slowly but surely accepting to trust his plan.
A friend posted this video this week:
I found this OPEN LETTER TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY on a website of people bringing home a child from another country via adoption. I found it very interesting. You might see something similar here one day. Not all of their letter applies to our situation, but some of it does.
For the first two weeks after we got home from Haiti I'll admit I didn't think of my kids as often as I would have liked to, but I was CONSUMED with thoughts of Fedna. Worried for her. Scared for her. Longing for her back in our home. Needing to know she was okay. This week I have had a shift. I am trusting God with her life and I'm so very thankful for the 9 weeks she was here. This week I have been shifted back to “normal” mode with constant thoughts of my Amos & Story. They are on my mind CONSTANTLY. I am back to trying to figure out when they'll be home! Planning Story's room and prepping my life for four kids!
I'm getting away this week! YES my friend, Amy, and I are heading to Kentucky for a few days. We have a friend there that has a horse farm and has graciously offered her house as a refuge for us for a few days. We both need it and it will be so refreshing for us both. We plan on doing …. NOTHING and when we're done with that we'll do NOTHING and then after that NOTHING and the next day …. NOTHING!!! You get the picture! We do plan on hitting up some sort of spa treatment one day but other then that a lot of laying around, eating, talking, reading and watching movies.
Today Deacon was telling the story of Easter through the pictures he drew in class and she said “Jesus chose to die on the cross”. I stopped in my tracks. Yes he did choose that just for him and just for you. Interesting to be challenged by a three year old!
I recently bought TEACH YOUR CHILD TO READ IN 100 EASY LESSONS. We haven't started yet, but me buying it was the first step. I have great intentions of Cayden and I spending a few minutes each day working on this. It's been 2 weeks and nothing. At least I'm thinking about helping in learn to read. 🙂
Still no news on the adoption front. I've decided I won't email our lady down there until May. That gives me three weeks to wait. 21 days to check email obsessively wondering if today is the day we'll get an email telling us we're OUT of the department we're in. That will be 3 months since we entered MOI so I'm thinking that's a good time to check on an update. Will you pray that we get out of MOI during this time?
Tomorrow is your last day to order a shirt if you want one:
$20 plus shipping ($5) if you don't live around Austin.
You may notice the bright green arm band on my arm, and yes that's b/c I've been donating plasma. I've done it 3 times now and so far so good. I've been very tired lately and am not sure if it's the plasma missing from my body, the crazy hours I've been staying up, or that I'm pregnant. 🙂 Don't worry, I don't think it's the last one!
This past week I received several pictures of our kids in Haiti. I will share some with you. We also heard that our sweet little boy just hasn't been himself since we left last. This breaks my heart and makes me mad at the same time. Mad that they have to endure this with us. I'm an adult and I can take the pain and sorrow. They are kids. I want them home so I can shower them with love for a lifetime. Please pray for him. Pray for a supernatural understanding to this whole crazy process. On one hand that news made me want to fly to Haiti that moment and take him in my arms and tell him how much we love him and that one day soon he'll be coming home to be our son forever. On the other hand I don't want to put him through any more pain again.
Some of you have asked when we're planning on going back to Haiti. The answer is we just don't know. The summer is approaching and that means craziness around here with Aaron traveling so much. We don't want to put our kids through any more sorrow and so we're not so sure we'll visit again before we bring them home. It all also depends on how much longer this drags out. If we don't anticipate them coming home until the Fall or Winter, we'll for sure send a representative from this house to visit in August! We're just praying and begging God that our next trip is to bring them home.
I hope that your Easter is a fabulous one. No matter what is going on in your life now, we have the hope of a God that in the midst of our sin he has provided a way for us to be renewed, refreshed, reclaimed and set free. Free of sin, free of guilt, free of all that holds us back. Thank you Jesus for that gift!