Today on the radio show we talked about something that I told the guys a few weeks ago that I do at our house. When I first told them they couldn't believe that I actually did this. I vaguely mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Aaron somehow started getting a subscription to “Men's Health” magazine and the first time it came I couldn't believe all the scandalous pictures in there, so I went through and tore them out before I gave the magazine to him. They couldn't believe it and thought I was crazy.
So fast forward a few weeks and today we talked about this subject on the air. I knew it was coming and the guys in there are so nice that they wouldn't ever make me talk about something that I didn't want to talk about, but let me tell you I went down today sounding like a psycho freak. I knew I would take lots of heat about this subject, but people took me to be controlling, psycho and insecure.
All the things that were said honestly didn't bother me one bit. I mean the truth is that I'm none of those things and if you didn't know me and you just heard me saying that I go through my husband's mail and rip out what I didn't want him to read then you might come to that conclusion.
Here's the truth of all this …. Me ripping out pages of his Men's Health started as a joke. We have no idea how this subscription started coming to him and I jokingly told him I'd take out all the bad stuff so he could look at it. Truth is though that Aaron is supportive of this. As I tried to explain on the air today it's not even about these pictures, because the ones I showed them at the station that they put online aren't the worst thing in the world, but what it is about is protecting our marriage. It's about helping my husband to keep his mind and heart pure.
Another thing that I don't think was understood or potrayed today on air is that this is mutual decision. I'm not going behind Aaron's back. This is no secret. He knows. In fact he's thankful for the efforts that we both go to in protecting our marriage. There's no cinemax on our cable. There's no pay per view options. There are monitoring system on our computers that monitor what we look at. These are all precautions that WE put on OUR marriage.
In no way do I think the pictures in Men's Health or the Victoria's Secret catalog are pornography, but what I do think is that those are images that can get stuck in a mans head and can lead to more. On a total different subject that I don't have time to get into now is that not only can these things lead to pornography in men (and women too), but they are degrading to women. Another subject that I don't have time to get into is the fact that another reason these images are bad for husbands is that most of them will never have a woman that looks like that, so him looking at those images is not fair for his wife. She'll never be that.
So, that's how it all went down on air today. I shared how I like to protect my marriage and people called me psycho and controlling! It didn't hurt my feelings though. Honestly. Here's the deal, I as a Christian, have a different world view. I see things through a different lens and that's okay. It's who I am.
Jamie, I shared this post with my husband and we both felt it was excellent. God has given you an amazing platform to share Truth, even when it may be misunderstood or mocked. More marriages might be saved – or at least made stronger – if husbands and wives took the time and effort to care for them as you and Aaron obviously do.
yes yes and yes. be encouraged. you are taking healthy (and mutual) steps to protect your marriage. and i might even say (even though i haven’t seen that mag, but others) that it could be pornographic, well at least Vicy C’s is 🙂 Seriously, for a year in our marriage we owned NO TV. Not a intentional decision, just happened that way. BUT I can say that year we read more books than ever and when we went to our in-laws house for the holidays and saw a game show, a game show people, Landon thought it was pornographic, because the women were SO scantily clad.
whenever you stand for something you will face so much criticism, but you know that 🙂 most of us just don’t have to face feedback on air 😉
Good for you!
To those who don’t understand the Gospel you do sound like a psycho controlling freak. (1st Corinthians 1:18) And I’m glad that you didn’t let it get to you. You might never know how God used your words today, but He did! And I wish I was listening cause I would have called and had your back!! Love ya friend and love the way God is using you.
Jamie-
I don’t know you personally but i felt the need to tell you that I went on facebook tonight and kind of got carried away replying to people that opposed you. I sat there at my computer and felt myself get ANGRY over some of the things said…. ridiculous…
SO, just be it know that even though I don’t know you, from what Ive read of you the last couple years following your blogs, I think you are a great woman and great wife. Aaron is SO lucky to have someone by his side to protect his heart like that. You are his partner, Jamie, and that’s exactly what partners are supposed to do, right? Protect?
Plus, when your kids are older, the little things you and Aaron did for each others hearts won’t go unnoticed by them, and it will carry over into their relationships and marriages. Your boys will learn how to be good husbands and Story a good wife- all because You and Aaron.
Like I said of facebook, if there were more women out there like you, the world would be better and divorce rates would drop, I’m almost sure of it.
Keep doing what you’re doing and fighting the good fight.
ps- and even though I know you must have thick skin, don’t let those idiots get you down. =)
Love that you’re doing this for Aaron. It doesn’t make sense to most people. But it’s essential to protect your marriage like that. To many people neglect protecting their spouses and themselves and wind up in court. Way to go!
Go Jamie! I think that’s wonderful that you have the open communication and accountability in your marriage. I am proud of you for boldly proclaiming your faith on the radio and being honest about how you protect it.
I’m so with you, girl!
I love this because it shows how serious you are (both of you) about protecting what is right and sacred. It makes me really sad to see how blase people in today’s society are about stuff like this. Like it’s just assumed that most people have porn of some kind in their relationship etc. I look at women that strive and strive to be “perfect” and the men that think that’s what women should look like and it makes me sad because it’s so false and empty. When I hear things like what you’ve shared it makes me respect people like you more because you’re being real and loving each other in a real way. It also reminds me of one of the reasons I love my husband – his loathing of things like affairs, porn etc. He once told me that he literally has had nightmares that he cheated on me, and it was so disturbing to him that it bothered him for days. When I hear that I love him so much more deeply because I know it’s a show of what’s in his heart, how he loves me and how he views the importance of our marriage.
I’m glad you don’t feel ashamed and that you can see people’s criticism as their “stuff”. I’ve found that when people are the most outspoken it’s because stuff hits a nerve with them, so good on you for sharing and being willing to just be yourself. Just think of how much the “rules” of modesty etc have changed in the last 50 years.
Yeah for you! I think it’s a great idea. It’s the same reason I’m careful about what movies and tv shows we watch. Heck, half the time we turn the TV off during commercials during sports games.
I’ve also become quite cognizant of what I bring into the home and what it is saying to my girls. At 10 one of them is already having body-image issues. I can’t help what they see in the check out lane but I can keep it out of my house.
Kudos to you for keeping your cool.
Yay!! Good for you! I do the same thing. The reality of it is that people with a world view will never understand God’s view. So I’m glad you weren’t afraid to share it. That’s awesome!! We actually decided to not get those magazines at all. And when Victoria’s secret decides to bombard us with their magazines (like they always do) we call 50 times if we have to to cancel it. We also throw them out right away. One time my husband put it in the fireplace to burn it and it re-caught on fire overnight, filling our whole house with smoke! haha. This stuff has all become a norm and I hate it. It’s no wonder the porn industry makes more money than any other and men are having affairs, raping children, or killing their family for another woman (that happened to some close friends of ours). It’s a dangerous road to go on and people often aren’t careful enough. We also choose not to watch any rated R movies, whatsoever… we don’t want it in our home. We also look up every single movie that we do watch on pluggedin.com and make sure there’s nothing questionable. Same goes with T.V shows… we don’t even have any stations on our TV. The commercials are like porn in and of themselves!! Geez! God’s people are supposed to look different, and we are supposed to be persecuted for it. I’m glad you weren’t suprised when everyone was hard on you. I applaud you and am glad that your marriage is going to stand the test of time because of your decisions to make it pure!!
Jamie, this brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful that you two protect your marriage like that. God is using you in a big way. How exciting! You may never know who, but I strongly believe you made at least one listener stop and think. Maybe one of the critical callers who were speaking defensively because they were actually feeling convicted.
women thing so little of themselves and men think they have a right to that stuff … bad combination. doing things to protect yourselves is brilliant. too bad that the majority of the world is clueless and unable to see the harm pornography (objectifying women) causes.
think*
I’m proud of you! Great job, defend and protect your marriage. Nothing wrong with that!
I totally agree with doing this – I do it, too, and my husband approves as well! Good job protecting your marriage.
Eventhough you might have gotten a lot of negative feedback, you never know how many people will rethink or ponder on some of the things you shared. I’m sure you just encouraged hundreds of marriages to think about how they can protect their marriage. :))
Hi, I just wanted to echo some of the other comments here; I’m very encouraged by your boldness, and I think you’ve shown wisdom in your actions. Praise God you’re sticking to the convictions He’s given you. I think it’s awesome.
Awesome!
great post. so with you.
Well done! All of those magazines are useless to men. Sex sells, AND it gets men in trouble, look at the bible, and they didnt have these magazines. They are stimulating, they are suppose to be, keep your man away from them, help them by staying fit and looking good. My wife and I have been together 32 years, and it gets better….believe me; but I did have ti DIE to all of that trash….useless, absolutely useless, its not about the articles, any man that tells you it is, is a liar. Have him go to the YMCA web site and find anything he wants to know about health that has been proven for a hundred years. Thanks for your obedience and transparency. Go Jesus!!!
What a great example you are to all unmarried women out there! Great advice and great job explaining your reasoning. As Christians, our worldview is totally different, it cannot even compare to a worldly view of a situation.
We are on the same page at the Cosby house. We do something else people might find odd…we don’t ride in the same car with the opposite sex unless the spouse is with them. Even if our neighbors are going the EXACT same place, if the person of the opposite sex is the one going, we take two cars and ‘waste’ gas to ensure we continue our desire to remain pure in our marriage. I love what you are doing!
I completely respect what you and your husband are doing. My husband has struggled with pornography in the past and we have since taken similar precautions to protect our marriage. We love each other so much and we want to protect and cherish that. Thank you for not backing down. If more people did this it could result in a decrease of the divorce rate.
We do the SAME thing at our house! Except, I do it with his Runners World Mag. I do not let VS catalogs into our house or any sort of lingerie ads. You’re not just helping Aaron….you’re protecting those 3 precious boys, as well! They may not get it now, but they WILL later!!
We are really open and in agreement about this too. In fact, Kenny “colored” a shirt on shirtless Tony Horton with Sharpie on the front of my P90 DVD! 🙂 I chuckle every time I look at it.
I do the same thing for my husband and our marriage! And I’ve TOTALLY gotten the “you are a crazy psycho” or “is your husband some sort of horndog?” looks and comments, so it is so affirming to read that others get it and do it! Men are visual in a way women just really cannot grasp. Protect you man from those images that he does not want junking up his head! 🙂
I think it’s great.
Speaking of Victoria’s Secret, it’s the ads not the product that I can’t stand. J, who is 13 and home from Haiti for almost 2 years, said, “I don’t get it. Is de underwear dey are wearing for sale or is de girls for sale?” Wow.
Thank you so much for not being afraid to talk about this on air! I don’t know you personally but I just want to thank you for being so bold. My husband and I just got married in jan. And we have taken the same percautions. I love doing everything I can to protect our marriage. It is so sad how numb the world is to sexual sin. We went to see a movie the other day and he had to close his eyes for every preview because of the women and how they were dressed! Thanks for taking the heat from people and shining a light on sin!
I went to a Marriage Event at Church this past weekend. Kirk Cameron was the main speaker. As he talked about marriage and keeping it priority I kept remembering this post of yours and had to come and say something.
I think you were so brave to put yourself out there in a society that generally does not value marriage. Good for you! Kirk refered to a man who would walk away from conversations that went in a negative way about women, turned the channel on TV if it became too suggestive – even if his wife was not at home…etc.
My husband and I went to dinner after the event and we discussed how we need to make this a priority on our marriage…after all – no one is going to protect our marriages for us…that is our responsibility.
Good for you! Who knows – you may have sparked something within someone else who listened that day!
good for you girl, stand your ground! awesome. it’s a great thing what you’re doing. love you!
Well, I suppose I am a psycho freak, too, because I did the same thing a few years ago when Scott got a subscription. AND he asked me to do it as well. We also get rid of any mailers with any underwear models because we have a teenage son.
Good job, girl.
I couldn’t agree with you more. 100%. I love that you and Aaron protect your marriage like this. It’s a great idea. <3