My mom walks 5 days a week no matter how hot or cold it might be, and she has been doing this for almost 12 years where they currently live. I did the math on that this morning and basically she has walked the exact same route roughly 2, 400 times and that’s me giving her a month off a year for vacations, rain, and super-duper cold (which where she lives is never). I have visited her too many times to count and I have never ever walked with her. She’s asked and I’ve always said no. Not that I’m trying to be mean or anything, but for two reasons.
First, it’s early. Like butt-crack of dawn early. Which by the way, what does that actually mean ‘butt-crack-of-dawn’? I’ve heard that used forever and obviously have chosen today to use it, but I don’t truly know what it means. Which if this was my child asking I would advise them to never use words they don’t know the meaning of, and so maybe I should adhere to that. Let’s start over ….
First, it’s early. Like super-crazy-awful early. (Better, right?) 6:15 kind of early, which let’s be honest people it’s not that early, but if you are at your parents house and don’t have to get anyone up for school you don’t want to get up in the 6 o’clock hour, ever. So, I’ve never gone with her because I would rather sleep in then go on a walk with my mom, and gosh when I say that out loud that sounds ridiculous.
Secondly, it’s dark. Yes, that’s my second excuse. It’s pitch black dark and I’m a big scaredy cat. Seriously, Aaron has labeled me as having WCSD, which stands for Worst Case Scenario Disease. What this basically means is that I will think the worst thing possible in each situation. So what this means for me and this walk that my mom does is that I’m certain a few things will happen to me on this walk. First a crazy man that recently escaped from prison (because YES there is a prison w/in 20 miles of their house, and seriously if someone escaped from prison they could easily trek 20 miles in hopes of freedom) will meet us on our walk, drag us into the forest and take us to his new home in the forest where he has set up camp and has been living for a few weeks now. Do you see the crazy in my head? Did I mention my parents live in the country? East Texas country. The second worry is animals. I’m also fairly certain a wild hog, copperhead, coyote, or crazy mountain lion (I don’t think they even exist out here) will see us coming, wait in the dark by the side of the road and attack us and eat us for dinner. Dumb. I know.
So …. this morning I walked with my mom. First time ever and y’all I’m here to tell you I was scared the entire time. At one point I nearly peed my pants because some deer ran in front of us. Next I saw a big leaf in the middle of the road and thought it was a possum waiting to attack. Here’s why I’m fearful. This is what it looked like when we left the house:
Yes, that’s the road ahead of me and I took that picture with my phone as we were walking. No lie. Pitch black dark. It was also super cloudy, and so the moon barely peeked through for us.
Y’all I was scared the entire time, and last night told my mom how scared I was going to be, but she said “If I do this every day for years, you can do it too.” Well, she was right. I can do it.
We walked and talked and I jumped at leaves and deer, but I made it. I was fearful and I still did it.
Funny thing about this is that Sunday I’m teaching on worry/anxiety and I barely slept last night because of my fear of walking with my mom today. Thankfully I have been reading Philippians 4 and so during the walk I constantly reminded myself to think about what is true and what is honorable. What’s true is that even if all that I listed above happened to me, which seriously how lame are all those fears, I would still have God. He wouldn’t have left me or forgotten about me. I can face my fears because we serve a God that is sovereign over our lives.
So, what’s your lamest biggest fear these days?