This morning during church I began to pray for two of my friends who are in this adoption process. God brought their families to my heart and I think it's because they are both about to experience one of the most gut-wrenching things anyone can experience. They are both about to live their lives here while their kids are there. It is unexplainable to anyone that hasn't endured this before. You can not even begin to understand the pain in your heart, chest and stomach each time you leave your babies and come back to what you call home all while leaving them in what they call home. Your two worlds are so separate but yet they are so intertwined.
To my friends Kimberly and Jen (and all you others that will meet your kids and then have to leave them until the time is right for them to come home) I want you to know that I get it. I have felt the pain you are feeling. It might be one of the most hurtful times of my life. My heart may not have hurt as much as it hurt each time I had to kiss my babies goodbye and go back to my “regular” life.
I will tell you that no one will get it, but don't be mad at them for not getting it. Your friends (that haven't done this) will nod at your stories and smile, but their hearts have not felt what yours did. Don't be mad at them. When you get home and life keeps moving past you and all you can think about are your kids, don't get mad at life. It doesn't know what you know.
When you talk about your kids to strangers and you talk about a kid that's never been to your home and they think you are crazy. You aren't. Keep including “those” kids in with “these” kids. They are all your kids. They are all your own kids.
When you look around your home and plan for where they will sit, sleep, eat ….. you are normal. They will be there one day. They will be home. They will be home. They will be home.
When you try and plan vacations and you can't because you don't know what your life will look like, it's okay. Put off your vacations for them. Vacations can wait.
When you don't feel as though your heart can stand another day away from them, know that it can. God is able to sustain you. He is able to guide you. He is able to hold your heart when you feel as though it can't stand one more break.
Friends, I love you. You are strong women and you will make it. It will suck. It will suck more than anything ever in your whole life. You will feel alone, but you are not.
Keep loving your babies from wherever you are.
*I think this was my 3rd time to visit my babies (Sept 2008)