This morning during church I began to pray for two of my friends who are in this adoption process. God brought their families to my heart and I think it's because they are both about to experience one of the most gut-wrenching things anyone can experience. They are both about to live their lives here while their kids are there. It is unexplainable to anyone that hasn't endured this before. You can not even begin to understand the pain in your heart, chest and stomach each time you leave your babies and come back to what you call home all while leaving them in what they call home. Your two worlds are so separate but yet they are so intertwined.
To my friends Kimberly and Jen (and all you others that will meet your kids and then have to leave them until the time is right for them to come home) I want you to know that I get it. I have felt the pain you are feeling. It might be one of the most hurtful times of my life. My heart may not have hurt as much as it hurt each time I had to kiss my babies goodbye and go back to my “regular” life.
I will tell you that no one will get it, but don't be mad at them for not getting it. Your friends (that haven't done this) will nod at your stories and smile, but their hearts have not felt what yours did. Don't be mad at them. When you get home and life keeps moving past you and all you can think about are your kids, don't get mad at life. It doesn't know what you know.
When you talk about your kids to strangers and you talk about a kid that's never been to your home and they think you are crazy. You aren't. Keep including “those” kids in with “these” kids. They are all your kids. They are all your own kids.
When you look around your home and plan for where they will sit, sleep, eat ….. you are normal. They will be there one day. They will be home. They will be home. They will be home.
When you try and plan vacations and you can't because you don't know what your life will look like, it's okay. Put off your vacations for them. Vacations can wait.
When you don't feel as though your heart can stand another day away from them, know that it can. God is able to sustain you. He is able to guide you. He is able to hold your heart when you feel as though it can't stand one more break.
Friends, I love you. You are strong women and you will make it. It will suck. It will suck more than anything ever in your whole life. You will feel alone, but you are not.
Keep loving your babies from wherever you are.
*I think this was my 3rd time to visit my babies (Sept 2008)
so true!
Good, important post, Jamie. Thinking of your friends.
Oh my word, I’m sobbing. Thank you for understanding everything. That is a gift to me. I feel like a pretend person while I’m waiting to have us all under this roof. I pretend to live my life but I’m not really here…and it’s about to get worse and I know it and there’s nothing I can do about it except pray and surrender and remember marvelous friends like you who will answer the phone if I call. Love you.
Jen said everything that is going on with me too. Thank you Jamie. Jen you said it well about living life here but not really being here. I have felt that these last few days of returning home. SO thankful for you jamie ivey! your words comfort both stew and I tonight. Thinking of you jen as you continue ahead. i am not alone. God will do this for us. I too will be calling. love you too! thank you
I needed to hear this so badly. Thank you.
Thanks for this! I needed it today. We are waiting on a foster daughter to return after what appears to be a failed reunification. SO hard to wait, but there is purpose in it, and we can carry them through our prayers!
Thank you for this post! We are adopting a beautiful little girl from Ethiopia who happens to be HIV+. We have had her picture and been loving her since August. We are currently waiting for our court date. It feels as though we will never get her home. The longer we wait the more distant it feels, though the opposite should be true! We just found out yesterday our wait is extended due to some setbacks in the courts in Ethiopia. I have rallied some families to fast and pray this week for God to move mountains. Because He sets the LONELY in families! And God is good ALL the time!
I just found your blog today. I am so encouraged. We are in the process of adopting twins from Uganda and today was my first really hard day. This was such a timely post for my weary soul. Thank you!
I just returned home from a visit with my kids who are “there” in Haiti on Sunday night. My heart and mind haven’t been whole since I returned. I long for the day when there will be no more tearful goodbyes, and I don’t have to leave my kids “here” to go see my kids “there.”
Please take some time and offer love and prayers for women who loooong to adopt babies…but who are single women and right now the possibility of adopting babies seems so far away and so unlikely to happen. It’s rough looking at so many adoption blogs and thinking, “i can’t even start this process because i have zero support in this.” my heart hurts for babies who i want and can’t have.