If you have four kids and they are all 6 and under I need your help! If you at one time had 4 kids and they were all within the ages of 2-6 and they are now grown I really need your help! Please tell me this gets easier!!!
Some days I feel as though I can hardly catch my breath. Actually make that most days I feel as though I can hardly catch my breath. Aaron is home sick today and he asked me when the planned “play times” are for the 3 little kids. I laughed out loud. I can hardly have planned mommy-sit-and-eat-lunch-in-one-setting time. It would take a laptop, agenda, hired help and two or three o2 telephone lines in order for me to organize a fifteen minute break it seems! At this rate, days simply fly by with every meal or activity flowing constantly into the next. Moments of peace and quiet are few and far between.
Most days I wear the same shirt I slept in all day long. Today is Wed and the last time I had make up on was Saturday. I haven't ran since last Wed. I do laundry constantly. There is always a load in the washer and the dryer. I feel as though as soon as I empty one hamper I go back the next day and it's full again. I can hardly keep the dishes clean. I can hardly get three meals a day ready for all these kids. I can not keep up with the mail. I can't email everyone back that is asking about adoption. Some nights I pick the dirtiest two kids for baths and switch the next night. I always forget to brush someones teeth and sometimes my own. I'm constantly picking up shoes and hair bows.
I promise I'm not complaining, I ‘m just saying “wow this is hard!!!!!” 😉 I think I need a nanny, a personal assistant and a home manager!!!! Oh and a trainer and a chef would be nice too.
For all of you out there with four kids or more I need your advice. BRING IT ON. Tell me what to worry about and what not to worry about. Tell me your secrets for keeping your life in order. Tell me all your secrets!!!
Deacon is rocking the guitar, Cayden killing the vocals, Story jamming on the keys, and Amos bringing the heat on the drums! I love this!!!!
I’ve got nothing.
LOVE YOU!
Erin
it gets easier. the first six weeks are the worst, then you get into a routine. things change constantly. the more toys you have the worse it is (on all you and the kids). simplify! call when you can 🙂
I have 5 at home and it does get easier as they get older. You are in the tough stage of ages where they need you tons. As they get older they still need you but in different ways. It does get better! I promise you that!!
Brenda
We had two years of always having four that were about six and under. Had three that were mine, and we always fostered a fourth. Almost all of them were newborns (one was a three-year-old that twinned Precious, and neither of them were very happy about sharing the attention – it was lovely).
You are doing what I did.
Laundry is not always that important. Sometimes a soapy washcloth on the stinkiest spots will have to do (my kids DID NOT bathe daily). Brushing teeth was optional. Peeing was a stealth operation. Having people oo and ahhh over you at church when you seemed so “put together” yet you just realized you forgot to put on a bra … a regular occurrence.
I kept things as simple as possible. I tried to plan our snacky breakfasts and lunches so they were super fast and super easy. If a shirt could stand up on its own, THEN it went into the laundry. I could sometimes put a soapy sponge and a towel on the table for the kids to clean and dry their dishes (and leave on the table for the next meal). They took turns wiping off the table.
If I could keep an eating surface picked up and one bathroom functional, I was ROCKING! I did not have people over much, unless they also had a house which was completely and totally trashed. I avoided clean-house people, because they just made me want to cry (unless they were coming over to clean MY house … at which point I offered them living quarters).
Buckets and baskets and hooks for everything … in places where all the kids could toss and hang.
I LOWERED MY STANDARDS. Being happy was vital. Being at my former level of organization and cleanliness was not.
Remember, in just a few months, you and Aaron have gone from man-to-man to zone defense (WITH grief and trauma mixed in). It’s a whole new ballgame.
I would tell you to plan ahead at night, but I’m not an idiot. When I did that, I loved myself. But, let’s face it … sometimes you just have to collapse and sit. You just have to.
It won’t be like this forever. It’s a season. If you find something that works, stick with it. Sometimes, the very best thing you can do is throw out the warm laundry, straight from the dryer, and let everyone roll all over it … even if they haven’t bathed in days.
well I know for one thing! the brown kids will dry out of bathed daily, so your doing them a favor LOL. we bath once a week and wash down every day otherwise shes got dry ashy skin and bumps all over.
Okay, I have no idea, but I have a friend from our church – Brenna Stull, that has 5 or 6 kiddos and she is crazy organized and the most “on top of things” mommy I have ever seen! She has a website and a book called Coach Mom. I have gone through this book before she published it and it is awesome and practical!! Her website is…
http://www.brennastull.com ! Praying for you… love Tammy
If it makes you feel any better, I have only 2 children. They get bathed maybe twice a week, I brush my teeth once a day, Holden has still never brushed his teeth, and now that I do a dinner co op, I cook dinner only once a week! My saving grace is a housekeeper- which I would seriously fast for a week or never eat out again in order to keep affording her! My favorite part about Proverbs 31 is that she had lots of help!!!
I need a place to move to save money- lets turn your shed into a one room apt and i can be your nanny/ extra set of hands. Ill take over laundry, and dishes, and housework…. you be mom! 🙂 and then we can watch the bachelor together…. Ill relieve aaron of that duty as well 😉
I don’t know Christine (from an earlier comment), but hear me say, “amen!” to her.
Our kids are 5, 3, 2, and 3.5 months. People ask how we do it…I always say, “we take it one day at a time”. I figure when God said not to worry about tomorrow, He really meant it. So, I try but don’t always succeed.
Loved Christine’s point of lowering your standards. That’s critical. And she’s right about planning too.
Onto the details – just so you know you’re not alone…
Baths – twice a week MAX!
Breakfast – quick stuff like cereal or oatmeal ONLY
Lunch – sandwiches or nuggets ONLY
Dinner – something easy or from the crockpot (geez, hate admitting i’m THAT girl who cooks in a slow-cooker. I’d say I feel like my mother, but she doesn’t cook at all!)
Play Time- no “structured” playtime here. I have found it helpful to keep the crayons and coloring books near the kitchen table so that when I actually need to keep them contained, it’s easier. They do play by themselves a bunch in their rooms which causes a complete disaster in about 4 minutes flat.
Clean up time – our new routine is for them to clean up their rooms at 5pm each day (starting an hour before dinner). So far so good and although it’s never really clean, at least they’re occupying themselves and not making an even BIGGER mess while I get dinner done.
My trick for a “clean” house – collect everything into a laundry basket that isn’t where it belongs. in less than 10 minutes, your house is decluttered! makes me feel better, even if i have a basket-load of junk to put away.
Actually cleaning the house requires near-complete neglect of the kids for about 5 hours. they seem to like it 🙂 I’d do it less often, but i have a ‘perfection idol’ which keeps me anxious when things aren’t super clean. Still working on that.
What else? More every week I’m realizing the most important thing is to raise kids who love Jesus and who are happy and me trying to keep the house clean isn’t necessarily in line with that goal (and you can forget doing laundry!). My kids will probably remember doing a lot of cleaning, and that will be okay, but hopefully they’ll remember that we spent a lot more time having fun.
Oh, and I’m not gonna lie until this week, they have watched LOTS of Disney channel in the mornings while I workout and eat breakfast. We just got rid of cable, so I’ll let you know how that goes!
and no matter what, remember that it doesn’t really matter if people think you’re a super-organized super-mom. 🙂
Staci – i think you’re on to something.
I’m cleaning that shed out right now….er, tomorrow.
Girl, I feel your pain! I thought 4 boys under 6 might be the end of me, but I’ve talked to some friends with lots of kids and gotten a lot of great advice.
First, almost every mom I talked to recommended the book Managers of Their Home. You can order it from http://www.titus2.com. It is a great resource. It’s geared towards homeschooling families, but I think that anyone can use the advice given in it. It is a great book about scheduling the day for each family member. It takes you step by step from planning to implementing the schedule.
One of my biggest struggles was also laundry. I talked with another mom and she suggested that I start a laundry schedule. I have and it’s been so much better. Our schedule goes like this: Monday (dad), Tuesday (me), Wednesday (Wyatt), Thursday (Seth), Friday (Reece) and Saturday (sheets and towels). Eli’s laundry just gets done whenever we need to because it’s never very much. This system has saved me so much time because part of my problem was getting everything sorted. Now everyone has their own bins. Their dirty clothes are the ones in their bin and it get washed and put away on the same day and I don’t have to worry about who’s clothes are who’s (with the 3 older boys stuff was always getting mixed up). Now I do about 2 loads (sometimes 3) a day and I stay caught up.
Hope that helps some.
Heather
Jamie
I feel your pain! We had kids close to those ages and it was very hard. I didn’t do much outside of the tasks you are doing today. Now my oldest is 12 and a super helper. All I can say is that time FLEW BY! I was wrapped up in the chaos that was our life at that time and I OFTEN felt overwhelmed…but now when I look back I truly wish I would have immersed myself “in the moment” more. I kept looking forward to the days when they would all grow up and wipe their own butt, that I didn’t always enjoy the season. Obviously, not everything about that season is enjoyable, but if I have anything to say from what I’ve learned it would be to:
Live in the moment as much as possible, because that moment won’t be back
Realize that a day will come {very soon} when they will be older and you will miss the craziness that you are in right now
Having clean kids, clean clothes, and a clean house is overrated! Perfect people don’t exist:)
Do whatever you need to do to be energized. Read, go out for coffee with friends, take a nap! I napped everyday when my kids napped in the afternoon. My friends thought I was crazy because that is when they got everything done. But it really helped me maintain the energy that I needed.
I actually had a very general schedule when the kids were small and I’m really missing it now. I think I’m gonna bring that idea back. We didn’t always follow it but at least it would “make” us do things that we might not have done w/o the schedule.
Our schedule went something like this:
10am room time
10:30 free play time
11am mommy time
12 lunch
12:30 table time (coloring/playdoh, etc) Just anything that would be done at the table. The kids stayed in the highchairs/booster seats and I cleaned up lunch.
1pm nap!!
You get the picture. I highly recommend it and it only takes and few minutes to type it out. Then you will really impress your man with your “planned play times”.
Good Luck!!!
Susan
Your post made me tired just reading it! I feel so guilty with my extra time now, I should be filling it with something so when we have kids I don’t miss it! Let me know if you need a volunteer sitter, the Whitaker’s can step in!
Ok-after some thought, here are a few helpful things…
Laundry IS awful, it just IS. It is never ending. To make it easier,quicker, whatever, I only fold the things I HAVE to. And I decided to stop putting the kids clothes back to right side in if they are not already. At first it felt just lazy. Then I decided that in the grand scheme of life, it did not matter. I also justify it with the fact that it helps them become more self-sufficient and with 4 children, that’s just a simple fact of life. I also decided that it helps them develop gross motor skills…who knows if that is even true, but as you can tell, the guilt was overwhelming enough to think it out this much!
Dishes-they are the BANE of my existence. Simplify. Each child has one or 2 dishes that are theirs ALONE. Sharpie their name on it (on the bottom) and then, each meal, you only have 4 dishes to wash, plus you and Aaron. The dishes literally CAN’T build up b/c you HAVE to have them to eat the next meal. The plastic ones work great for that and the kids can pick out their favorite-also reduced fighting over the ONE that seems to be the ONLY one all 4 of them want! I read this in a magazine somewhere, Family Fun, maybe? And that family actually painted pottery bowls that they used and only had 1 per family member…
Toys-how on earth do we accumulate SO many and WHY on earth can they at least not stay in their rooms or playroom, if you have one? Still haven’t figured that out, but the answer is just what your very brilliant friend said earlier…SIMPLIFY. Get rid of absolutely EVERYTHING you can. Usually they won’t ever notice and when Christmas rolls around again, PURGE BABY PURGE! You should have seen our living room after it was all said and done this year! I literally could have thrown away every single toy they previously owned and they would have been completely stocked up from Christmas alone! They all play with each others toys, doesn’t matter that its a boy toy or a girl toy-I’m sure you have already experienced this! They will all want o play with whatever the other one has, so there’s no sense in having enough for each one, so slip them into a “donate” bag whenever you can!
Lastly, make and enforce the “one in, one out” rule. Whenever you or they get something new, get rid of something old. Only have the number of hangers that you need and don’t buy anymore. You will have tons of clothes from the boys (as I’m sure you already do) that will need to be stored for the next one in line, so when you go to put those outgrown ones up, filter them out.
I have always had a hard time getting rid of certain clothes, special outfits or ones that both girls wore or that one child especially LOVED, so I am having a quilt made out of all those clothes for my birthday. I will do this every few years and will also have ones made for each child.
OK, hope this is helpful, just some random things that help us contain the clutter, or at least feel like we are!
We have our house listed again and are having to keep it to some point of “clean” or at least “decluttered” at all times-not fun, but at least it made me purge lots of unneccessary junk!
Love you Jamie-you’re AMAZING!
it is harder in america. we all need to leave america. there are too many activities here. i had not that many issues with six kids all seven and under for TWO YEARS … now – even without Annie — this is way harder. location location location. if there are not stores, no activities, no places to go … it can be done.
We had 4 in four years, now ages 8, 7, 5, and 4. My kids bathe/shower 1-2 times a week, and I do laundry once every 7-10 days (just a 24-hour wash/dry haul and then fold all at once one night with dad). In-betweeen laundry for cloth diapers, sheets, towels, etc. Breakfast and lunch (we homeschool) I get all the kids to sit, but I usually eat in bites at the counter; by the time I’m thinking about sitting down, someone needs seconds. Dinner is almost always all 6 of us at the table. I don’t wear make-up, and sometimes (certain periods, often) I get undressed for bed at night and find I have the SAME stuff one that I rolled out in the morning 🙂 Meals are routine and as simple as possible (granola & eggs for breakfast, pb&j and fruit for lunch, pasta/tacos for dinner). I also live by water-bottles for snacks, lunch, car–much less spills–each kid has their own color and the bottles live on the counter; rinse and refill as needed. Tooth-brushing we used to just do every night. Now that we have some “grown-up” teeth, it’s twice a day. I remember when my grandmother asked how often I dust my baseboards. “Uh, when I move the furniture?” Seriously, though, the previous comments about low-level hooks and baskets for everything, the fewer the toys/clothes/hair-ties the better, vacuum & bathrooms when REALLY needed for a while, and just try to laugh when it is totally crazy (but hey–the kids seem happy) that’s the only way to make it through. Best of luck,
Natasha
Oh girl, It’s been a few years since I was in your shoes. All my kids are 2 years apart and when the last was born we had a 6 yr old, 4 yr old, and a 2 yr old. One in K, one in PreK, one potty training and one nursing. They are successfully at 13, 11, 9, & 7. My life seemed to be completely out of control and I actually wondered if I had lost my mind most days. BUT, God is faithful and that last one may have put me over the edge but he is my greatest joy!
I second a lot of what Christine said. Before #4 I was the good balanced mom who went to story times at the library, shopped with them, had the house cleaned, laundry done, etc, etc, but when #4 came, I felt immobilized…like I would never be able to leave the house again. A friend of mine said that when her mom walked out the door for the last time, after helping with her newborn #4, she thought to herself, “I’ll never get all my laundry done!”.
I want to tell you all this to be an encouragement that you are not alone and not to pressure yourself to be more than you can be right now. You are a brave woman with a lot of transition going on in your house right now with the new ones just learning how life works in this new place. My advice would be to just make the most of each day as it comes…good and the bad. I remember working later into the night after they were all in bed just to get caught up on dishes, laundry, etc. Heck, I even would grocery shop after hours to save my sanity! It’s a wonder I ever got any sleep most days! I believe the Lord gives us an extra measure of rest to make up for that! Trust me, I napped whenever the kids would, even though I probably should have been cleaning the house! I am not complaining either, my children are a blessing to me, but I certainly know where you’re coming from!
As for kids’ play times, etc…I have heard alot of good about the MOPS programs, you might check to see if there’s something like that in your area. Maybe the 3 younger ones could play there someday while the oldest is at school and you can use that time for grocery shopping, or just quiet shower time for yourself! 🙂 Our church used to offer a Ladie’s Bible Study on Tues mornings with child care provided…that was such a blessing!
You are doing a great job! The state of your home, laundry, etc is not a reflection of what kind of an impact you are making on those kids! May the Lord bless you Jamey, you are an inspiration!
Well, I’m cheating a bit as my 4 were 8 and under when the youngest was born. Now they’re 11, 8, 6, 3…and another on his or her way to us from Ethiopia. But it was still hard – and some days it still is. But I’ll probably be copying everyone else who already answered:
– celebrate when everyone is alive at the end of the day
– celebrate days when everyone is actually dressed
– ask Dad to help with dinner…a LOT 🙂
– go out on late-night grocery shopping dates by yourself
– have friends over anyway, even if just for PB&J
– realize….as hard as this is….that it really will be better…and over one of these days
My 4 kids now prefer to play together, away from Mom, up in their cool attic room or outside. They’re homeschooled so always around. They are usually playing dolls or something super-sweet, so it’s nothing I ever feel like interrupting or stopping (i.e no TV or video games, etc). But I MISS them. They aren’t underfoot all the time and asking me to do a billion things for them everyday. Now I have time to blog 🙂 And I miss them being so little and needing Mama so much.
I have to second everything Susan says about living in the moment. I only have two kids but they are very close in age, so I felt like I never got a break when they were little.
I would remind you of two things:
1) Life gets much easier when the younger ones are no longer physically dependent on you. One day I counted how many times I picked up my daughter and how many times I was literally held on to or pulled on by my son, how many times I changed a diaper. It was crazy! No wonder why I was always physically wiped out at the end of the day. You might not take into account how exhausting it is to always have someone hanging from you. (When the kids finally went to sleep, I told my husband I had to sit by myself for at least an hour without him anyone touching me.)
2) It goes by soooo fast. I would never have imagined it when I was smack dab in the middle of tantrums or dinner negotiations or playground anxiety (my son had space issues and was a hitter), because sometimes I thought the days would never come to an end. But believe me when I say I am ENVIOUS of the chaos of your household. My kids are at school all day long now and I miss the times we used to all be together, playing all day and then excitedly waiting for dad to walk through the door. My kids have grown into wholly self sufficient, fabulous children whom I’m very proud of, but I would give anything to turn back the clock and have just one day—or if I were greedy I’d take a week—with them as little ones. I love who we are but I miss who we were.
Take it one day at a time and give yourself a break. As a matter of fact, I’d love to use four kids under 6 as an excuse to have an unkempt house!
I feel guilty! we just brought our 15 month old home from haiti and i feel the same way! our house is really small, the addition didn’t get on in time for the 7.0. but, oh well! we have a house! i sort of agree with one of your writers…the standards lessen…you prioritize importance…that’s what i am doing. i like the schedule thing too, but i think right now, with all the changes, you are doing your best!!!
Our little girl just home from Haiti so that makes 4. Our grandparents didn’t bathe every day and they turned out great! Just relax and enjoy…and if your bath helps you relax, make sure at least you are the one having the bath!
-Sheri
Hey Jamie, a few ideas some which may have already been mentioned.
Keep breakfast very simple: cereal, toast, frozen waffles, yogurt, fresh fruit. No cooking for breakfast. If we ‘cook’ breakfast foods such as pancakes, scrambled eggs, etc. it is because we are having it for dinner at night. Keep lunch really simple too along with easy snacks for between times.
Try and do laundry only one day a week. I know, don’t laugh but this is actually a lot less stressful for me. My laundry room is right inside my back door and I couldn’t handle having piles always sitting where people can see them. So what I did was put a hamper in each bedroom where kids put their clothes when they take them off at night. On Monday (or whatever day works for you) bring the hampers to the laundry room, sort it into piles and do back to back loads all day and into the next if necessary. As you take clothes out of the dryer, fold them and put them back into the empty hampers. When the laundry is ‘done’ bring the hampers to the kids’ rooms, put away the clean laundry and don’t think about it until the next week. Of course we usually have wet bedsheets a few times a week that still needs to be done. 🙂 Have your kids wear their shorts/jeans more than one day in a row. If yours are like mine, they can get a pair of pants dirty within five minutes of putting them on. Who is going to know if the pants got dirty that day or the day before?
Hire someone to come and clean for you every two weeks. The biggest job for me and my family in this is to get the clutter and everything else put back in it’s right place so my ‘lady’ can come and clean for me. It is so helpful for me to have everything surface cleaned every two weeks–I can keep up in between time. Part of my problem when I try and surface clean is that I see all the ‘deeper’ cleaning that needs to be done and I get distracted.
Another thing is that our younger kids do not participate in many activities outside of school. I feel that kids in the US get way over committed in terms of time and that it takes away from family time. Especially our adopted kids need to learn what it means to be part of a family unit. It is hard for them to learn that when they are in an extra activity two or three days a week. We do allow them to veg out in front of PBS with a snack for a little while after school before doing homework, playing outside with the neighbors, etc. but other than that they don’t watch much TV. But videos and educational shows can make a good babysitter at times.
One last thing. Even when our older kids were younger, we had ‘Rest and Read’ time after lunch each day for about an hour and a half. Now we do this with our younger kids on non-school days. They have to be quiet and either simply rest/sleep or look at/read books. This has been my sanity saver over the years. It gave me a break from the kids, and it gave them a break from each other. Most days I would nap (take the ringer off the phone first), some days I would read, some days I would plan or cook dinner for that night, etc. If needed, I would set a timer so the kids would have a ‘tangible’ to know when they could get up, or if we had an appointment to get to.
Our kids also only get in the tub or shower once or twice a week. The other days it is a wipe down and a lotion up. Their skin is too dry to handle more that that.
Hang in there!! I know others have said it but it is true that your kids will not remember if they took a bath every day or if they wore the same clothes two days in a row. They will remember if you were there with them, and what you did with them.
I just found your blog and I LOVE this post. Can I admit that I have 2 kids and I feel this way…somedays I think about more children and I really don’t know how I would handle it! I RESPECT you and guess what…you’re doing a good job 🙂
My first suggestion would be hire Staci!!! And, if you are having time to read the really LENGTHY comments, then you should give up reading your comments:) Hire Staci!! 🙂
ahhhh – it will get better I promise. I went through that after adopting the first 2 and after adopting the second 2. The first time I just gritted through it but felt really defeated a lot of the time. The second time – much better. One thing we did for almost a year was a laundry guy. He was the BEST. He did about 1/2 of our stuff – you would bag it up and he would pick it up out of the garage on Tuesday and bring it back all clean and folded on Thursday. Probably the single best thing we did. Other than that, you have to really lower your expectations of yourself to the bare minimum. Do that, see how it goes, then you can add back in as you feel you can. Sometimes we can look pretty ragamuffin – but I try to have everyone looking good for family pictures – most people only see that and will never know what you all look like most of the time! Take a nap w/ the kids- you need it!
Hi Jamie,
I’m just a mom of one, so far, but found all the comments so applicable, even just to my daily life as a SAHM.
I hope your days get easier, your stress level goes down, and ALL of you find your NEW groove.
Much love and many prayers,
The Zellers
Wimberley, TX
Jamie…
Can I have you review my movie and make sure I can use Aaron’s song? I purchased it via i-tunes and have been listening to his CD for a few months now. Then all of this happened – and we have our kids HOME! I used the song in the DVD of our story… but would like your permission? I gave him credits at the end as well.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jillswilkins/BringingSamuelHome?authkey=Gv1sRgCJbps6W18KD-Lg&feat=directlink
Christine rocked that reply 🙂 Read that one again!
Our “oldest” was 6 when our 4th child was born. Do I count? 🙂 You’ve gotten great replies! Just a word of caution -those “supermom” books and websites can be tricky. They can be blessings and they can really suck the life out of you at times, especially when everything is so new and so overwhelming. Handle with care 🙂
***Talk with your husband***… a LOT! Work through some kind of plan with him. Pray together. Pray again. Then, pray again :)Let some things slide. The laundry pile might be consistently BIG, but if everyone has clothes for the next day, pjs, and undies – you’re in good shape 🙂 I ditto the simple meals – sometimes it’s PB toast and OJ. Fast, easy, & nutritious. My children have **never** bathed daily unless they were dirty from playing outside and didn’t get hosed down well enough 🙂 2-3x a week is plenty for most children. We do wash feet quickly before bed if they need it.
By the way, please keep in mind that very few of us had a two or three year old little guy jump right into the mix. My children all came as newborns and I had time to adjust gradually. You and Aaron have special blessings and special challenges with adopting a little one Amos’ age. Hang in there. Cut yourself some slack. Nix the stuff that doesn’t matter much and work toward the things that you and your husband agree really do matter each day 🙂
You have lots of great advice on here…so here is mine…just LOVE on them…that is all I’ve got. My biggest sadness at night is not that I didn’t finish the laundry…it’s that I didn’t hug my kids enough…I worried too much…and then the other day, the ouch factor kicked in…Landen said, Mommy, all we do is clean…ouchy ouchy ouchy! Just love on them!
-Baths once a week. Esp. in winter. Lotion daily. Wash cloths in between.
-Assembly line teeth. You do it, then Mom does it.
-Kids help! Kids help load the washer. Kids help set the table. Kids clear their own plate and cup. Kids put their own diaper in the trash. TRAIN THEM NOW or you’ll regret it!!
-We did zero outside activities. We did FAMILY, that’s it.
-Divide & conquer tasks outside the home.. like groceries. The person who shops takes one or two kids of their choice.
-Mandatory “Quiet Time”.. kids can nap or they can read on their bed, but they must be quiet for at least 60-90 minutes.
-We do laundry daily.. throw it in at breakfast.. transfer it to the dryer before lunch (we bought front loaders specifically so the kids could move the laundry from the washer to the dryer) and fold & put away before dinner. We used to have a “folding party”.. I would dump the basket and each kid would get their own stuff and “fold” it.. who cares if it is folded “nicely”.. as long as they are making an effort.. and I bought small baskets about 8×11″ for their laundry. We also LIMIT the amount of clothes they have in their drawers to about 4 outfits at any given time. The less they have, the less they can get dirty.. and really, they want to wear the same thing over and over anyway.
-You will be late. Your kids will be dirty. People will look at you like you don’t have your sh*t together. YOU ARE SUPERWOMAN, AND YOU ARE RAISING ROCK STARS. Don’t sweat it. Cry when you need to, pray a lot, and just keep swimming.
I am with Tara, I have been telling Jimmie this all along.
We just added our fourth last year, and the difference has felt HUGE to me! (Mine are 7 & under, though…) I’m reading through these comments for tips of my own b/c I feel just like you do most days!
Here are my thoughts on:
laundry–HOW do people physically do laundry only one day a week? I don’t think if my washer ran continuously for 18 hours I could get it all done. The thing that has CHANGED MY LIFE in the laundry room is that I got a cheap Elfa-type thing from IKEA (Antonius line) with four fabric drawers in it. It stays next to my washer, and I sort things as they come out of the dryer–giving them a quick fold/flattening out (had to let go of the neat-factor there), and the kids over 3 put their stuff away every night when they head up for bed–of course I do the other two, but it’s better! I just put my stuff & hubbie’s stuff in a basket.
food: freezer. I double and freeze EVERYTHING I can–soups, muffins, whole wheat pancakes, casserole-type meals, etc. I figure that if I go to the trouble of cooking, it’s not hard to double, and then on the bad days (which are frequent!), I just grab some muffins from the freezer for breakfast or snack, or grab dinner out of the freezer. It’s awesome. Oh, and we eat a lot of eggs for dinner when there’s not enough time for thawing stuff from the freezer. (scrambled, on sandwiches, in tacos, etc.) I know it’s lame, but my kids love breakfast tacos, and I figure they have protein in them. Add some fruit, and we call it good. Also, I love making quiche w/ leftovers–easy, easy. I try to keep 2-3 dozen in the fridge at all times.
cleaning: LOWER THE STANDARD, and then let the kids help. We have a hard-floor attachment, and my two bigger kids take turns after each meal vacuuming the kitchen. The rest of the house only gets done when it’s looking really sorry. Clorox wipes in each bathroom so that you can just grab one when you’re helping somebody with teeth, etc. And GRAB-ITS for dusting–my kids think these are the most fun thing ever invented–even my three year old dusts window sills, coffee tables, base-boards, etc. Get kid-sized cleaning tools–little mops, brooms, etc. It develops motor skills, and helps them get involved. They don’t do a great job, but it’s better than nothing (usually).
routine: I don’t know HOW to keep everyone organized. I know some people who do charts, but I can’t keep up with those–it just seems like one more thing to me. I have found that the best way to have this go smoothly is for me (sadly) to not let my guard down all day–no breathers, so to speak. We have a 30 minutes quiet/reading time in the afternoon, and I gobble some chocolate then. 🙂 Staying engaged seems to take care of this, and I guess that fits in with what lots of people have said about living in the moment. It’s hard, but it’s sweet! Oh, and I have just accepted the fact that people will cry in my house–every day. You cannot feed the baby, wipe a butt, and look at a newly drawn picture at the same time. If I can keep my cool, though, they seem to be OK with that. It’s just hard to not get snappy sometimes. That’s where the next one comes in:
PRAYER–I know it sounds silly, but this is the only way I get through my days. I pray before I get out of bed, and then throughout the day I just pray for mercy. and patience. I pray to be the wise woman who builds her house instead of the fool who tears it down with her own hands/words. I think recognizing your position of need is exactly where you need to be–it’s where God manifests his power.
Praying for you tonight as I pray for my own four, too.
(Sorry this is so rambly–it is 11pm!)
Does pool/beach/water play count as a bath? No? Well then my kids only get one bath a week…before church on Sunday. 🙂
Love all these comments! I’m taking these ideas for myself!
Jamie,
We just had a speaker at our church last week talking to a group of moms with children ages birth thru 5th grade about “Secrets of an organized mom” Really valuable – not supermom stuff, just really doable great ideas. maybe you can load it onto your ipod when you get to run again?! 🙂
http://wheatonbible.churchsites.com/avms.asp?avstartid=313
praying and cheering you on!
Amy
You know there is so much grace in the face of a worn out Mother. You’re doing God’s work. It reminds me of the little story about skidding up to the gates of Heaven, all worn out from doing God’s will. You never want to come looking all nice and put together then you would’ve only served yourself.
It will get easier. In the meantime know that you can’t do it alone – ask God to do it through you. Love your honesty…the mother who jogs, has clean dishes, immaculate and quiet children, organized house is too intimidating and scary. Love that you share the struggle with us – it helps with our own.
I have two boys and can’t manage to get a lot done – you’re my hero! Look at that picture – those kids are loving life. You are doing LOTS of something right! 🙂
We’ve got four kiddos – 3 bio & 1 adopted (7, 5, 4 & 18 months) & are in the process of adopting number 5 – a 2 1/2 yr old little boy from China.
A couple of quick thoughts
1) What you’re feeling & experiencing is TOTALLY normal
2) Your life will consist of constant levels of chaos, 24/7. Some moments it will be off the charts high & other moments it will be a low roar – but it will always be there & that’s okay.
3) What we desire to be as parents (our high ideals) & what we can practically do (the day to day reality) as parents are two distinct things. Have huge dreams for how you want to shepherd your kiddos hearts, but recognize that life is lived in the midst of stacks of laundry, dirty dishes & messy diapers. Christ is there in the midst of it all & he’s not mad at you for not feeling like you are the mom you “should be.”
4) Be as purposeful as you can be….but give yourself lots & lots & lots of grace. You relationship with Aaron, your spiritual devotional time, your peer relationships are going to look different at this stage than they used to & different than they will be. Life is fluid….by Christ is a rock & He’s got plenty of grace for you today.
5) Yes, it will get easier over time…but there will still be chaos. The type & variety of chaos will change – but it will still be there.
6) Talk about expectations with Aaron on a regular basis. The root of most marital conflict is based in unmet expectations – so make sure you’re carving out time to talk through marriage, parenting & household expectations.
Keep your head up!!
red http://www.thehowertons.blogspot.com a day in the life
looks like that is just like it is
sorry
😉
Yes yes…what Christine said!!!
Remember if the kids are fed 3 times a day… you’ve done your job…you are a wonderful Mom!!! People will marvel!
Well, I only have 3, but I do feel your pain. 🙂 Let me start by saying that I am SO glad that I am not the only one that wears a shirt that I wore to bed the whole next day. I think I do that daily. And then, I usually end up sleeping in it again. Here are 2 of my greatest mom-to-mom tips on trying to stay sane…
-baths every other night…sometimes every 3rd night. 🙂
-use paper plates at all meals
Oh,and BREATHE! HA!! This is only for a season!
Hahaaa!! I have 4 in 4 1/2 years, and my only advice would be to let the house get dirty and just enjoy the kids. You don’t want to miss this (crazy) time!
Well it always seems,at the time,that it is never going to end…the daily madness just flows from one day to the next! I have 4 kids. My oldest is now 24 and my youngest is 16. I feel like a totally different person now, like it was another lifetime then. This comment space is not enough to tell you everything! Yes, use paper plates, let some things slide and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your kids! Hug them kiss them, dance with them, read to them, even if you are still wearing that same old t-shirt! What they will remember most is HOW they felt growing up. Your attitude determines the mood of your home. Don’t neglect yourself. Get help any way you can, whenever you can.
I have 5. My oldest is 9. If I can do it, you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a large family and I would agree that the first 6 weeks are the hardest.
My most favorite resource is: http://www.onethankfulmom.com/ . It is the blog of a large adoptive family, and the posts are so wonderful and cover many areas, including attachment issues in adoption. She is really open and honest and I have really benefited from her posts.
Hi Jamie!
Mine aren’t as close in age as yours, and I am not even close to “having it together” but these are some things that have helped me as a mom to 4, soon to be 5:
-Baths only when dirty or stinky. Hose off outside whenit’s warm enough and skip bath altogether.
-Teach them EARLY to do their own laundry once a week. Really, most of their clothes are pretty durable and can be washed altogether on warm without sorting. Kids can fold and put away clothes pretty young. It won’t be neat, but it will save you time and energy. You will probably never be caught up on laundry. But try to do some every day so it doesn’t pile up.
-Use non-toxic cleaners. That way the kids can do just about everything. And simplify! I use a 1:1 mixture of water and white vinegar with a tsp of dish soap in a spray bottle to clean almost everything.
-Set the timer for 10-15 minutes at the end of every day and have family clean up time.
-Don’t underestimate what the kids can do to help out. It will help you keep things in order and will also occupy them, which gives you some peace. Write out a master list of what needs to get done each week and allocate daily and weekly jobs for each.
-Allow yourself to hire outside help when needed without guilt. I have had seasons where I paid someone else to clean my house, did freezer meal services, or hired a babysitter once a week. I knew these were just seasons when I needed some extra help while I was catching my breath, so to speak.
-My kids (age 3 and up) know that I expect them to get dressed, make their bed and spend time reading (or looking at pictures in) their Bibles BEFORE they come out of their bedrooms to get me for breakfast.
-Ironically, NOT relying on the TV has helped me. I discovered awhile ago that zoning out in front of the TV wrecked my kids’ attitudes. I think it overstimulates their brains or something. To me, it’s not worth it. BUT, every once in awhile, since they’re not used to daily screen time, watching a movie is a special treat when I need to get something done. I also have a collection of “Adventures in Odyssey”, “Jungle Jam”, and “G.T. & the Halo Express” CDs that they sit and listen to sometimes when I need the time.
-Daily nap/quiet time is a must.
-My house is hardly ever totally clean unless we’re having people over. My kids often don’t match because they dress themselves. Let go of what you can. Prioritize what’s important to you.
-Wake up MUCH EARLIER than the kids. This is something the Lord is teaching me presently and has taken me almost 10 years to figure out. It’s the only quiet time of day when there are no demands on us. The rewards of that time outweigh the rewards of sleeping as late as possible.
-I am reminded of a really good book I recently read. It’s called “A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family” by Mary Ostyn. This book has been a great encouragement to me lately. Maybe it would be to you, too.
-As my aunt says, keep one nostril above water at all times! Survival and maintenance is what we’re doing in this season of young kids!
#1 Don’t beat yourself up. You may never catch up with anything and it will not be the end of the world.
#2 Remember that you didn’t ease into having four children like most people. We got used to them a little at a time.
#3 Say “This too shall pass,” a lot.
#4 Don’t try to be Super Mom. Just be Their Mom that loves them bunches and bunches.
Hi, we don’t know each other but I have enjoyed reading your blog since the Haiti quake.
I have 4 kids too so I read all these comments with much interest. I am so GLAD to hear that I am not the only one who bathes my kids only 1-2 times per week. AMEN!
2 of my kids are school aged and one thing I’ve done new this year is homeschooling. It was just too crazy to get the 2 older ones up and fed and off to school with 2 babies in tow and then to disturb nap time to go back and pick them up…not to mention all the special little things you are wanted at school for. We are on a journey to simplify our lives as well and so far I have found that homeschooling allows us to do that. Of course it’s not easy but it’s strangely more convenient(for me), and I’m all about convenience these days. I know you’re not there yet, but I thought I’d throw that out there.
You’re doing a great job, mama! I can tell…just can.
Hugs to you!
Interesting Post. Easy to read and very informative.
Ahhhh, my husband and I have just started trying for #4 and reading these posts made me laugh in a very nervous way. We have a 7, 5 (almost 6) and 2 (almost 3) year old. I finally feel like things have calmed down enough to try for another!!!
I stay at home, but we just relocated a year ago. Finding a new church home, adjusting to schools, renting a house in one neighborhood and then moving AGAIN to another neighborhood have all made things a bit crazy, but we love crazy.
We are a bit different than many of the posters on here, our family does do extra-curriculars so that has been interesting to balance. We try to do the same things for each kid the same seasons, but it does get crazy. Our rule is one sport/activity per kid/per season. Many nights we eat dinner very early, others very late, and very rarely get baths! My kids love their activities, they love the chance to get out and make new friends, play sports, and it’s a great opportunity for us to branch out – before we relocated we started to get stuck in our “Christian Bubble” as we called it. But, we realized if we never meet new people, it’s hard to show them Christ’s love!
But, it is a huge balancing act, and I oftentimes want to pull out my hair, especially during soccer season. Both girls play soccer (the older starting select) and my hubs coaches both teams. They both did swim team this summer… but the pool is 1/2 mile for our house so it was a nice bike ride to drop off and pick up. I’ve had to learn to play with our son on the go, and he’s had to learn to play on the go as well. He has also learned to cheer for his sisters, which is adorable.
but, this year my husband and I have both looked at each other and realized how difficult it will be to do sports and family! We refuse to let sports take away our time as a family, our time worshipping & serving at church on Sunday mornings, leading our small group, and serving in our community weekly. Our kids have to see us making God a priority, but it’s definitely easy to get lost in the world. As my husband says, “We need to be IN the world, not OF the world.” Easier said than done! We take it a day at a time, trying to teach our kids to make each activity they do a chance to show the love of Jesus to someone.
As for the house, AGH! I try to have some semblence of a schedule, but basically in my house the girls know that during their brothers nap time, it’s my chore time in the summer (in the winter they are in school) I have 2.5 hours (yes, he’s a great napper) to get stuff done every day, and that is their time to spend without me in the summer (of which only 1 hour is allowed to watch TV…). I try to do a schedule like this, but it rarely works:
Sunday night: Wash/dry laundry
Monday: Fold and put laundry away
Tuesday: Clean bathrooms and dust
Wednesday: Mow Lawn
Thursday: Mop and vaccuum, throw in laundry loads
Friday: Finish laundry, fold and put away
Meals:
We eat a lot of crock pot & roaster meals, things that can warm in the oven when we are at practices so it’s ready when we get home. For breakfasts I make a huge batch of 1/2 whole wheat pancakes 1x a week, we heat those in the microwave and have cereal the other days. lunches=sandwiches!
Bedtime:
7:30 or 8pm our son, 8pm in bed for the girls, reading time for then until 8:30. Beautiful!
Exercise/Quite time:
I am just learning the need to fit this in. I cancelled my gym membership (too much time!) and now I get up at 5:55am. Work out until 6:30, then do my Bible and prayer time until 7am. The girls are not allowed out of their room until 7:00am and my son usually sleeps until about 7:30! yay!
IT’s hard being a parent! It’s hard but I love it. Every day is a new challenge. Every single day I mess something up, I’m often apologizing to the kids for snapping at them, but luckily I have God’s grace to help me through. None of us are going to do it perfectly, I hate to know how my need for a clean house might ruin my children – but God made us and He knows we’re not perfect. Now if only we had enough money for a housekeeper, haha!’
Good luck, I hope life is going well for everyone on here! I think for me the key is listening to God through it all. He gave us all a bend, and He gave it to us for a reason. The closer we are in communion with Him, the clearer our path will be!
After I just re-read my post I had to laugh at myself. It’s almost dinner time (roast in the crockpot) on a tuesday and NONE of my weekly chores are done. Bathrooms are dirty, surfaces are dusty. I have 2 overflowing baskets of unfolded laundry on the living room floor, loads in the washer and dryer, the 2 younger kids watching Calliou and wrestling on the couch, the older at soccer camp for 30 minutes and counting… and what am I doing?? BLOGGING! HAHAHA! this is the life. 🙂
I have a 6 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old and 2 year old. It is very challenging but when it gets hairy I try and get them out, even to walk around the mall. I have to admit it is not always possible and I don’t have the most patience these days. I really try and have somewhat of a routine. It’s hard to be pulled in every direction but sometimes you have to take a breathe and then just keep on. It does get easier, hang in there. All you can do is your best. And most of all just try to tell them as much as you can that you love them, kiss them and hold them. I’m hoping that through all the craziness that they will get something out of those moments.
Also, even when you “catch up” you are behind the next day. Stay strong. I have a mound of clothes waiting to get folded. I do always try and keep the papers down to a minimum….junk mail straight in the garbage, meals are cream cheese sandwiches, lots of PB&J, toaster oven waffles, cereal and pizza. I always have canned fruit in the cabinet and yogurt is an easy snack. Just the fact that you are posting this – you are a GREAT mom. doubt is normal but they are better for Kaos.