The other day I was having lunch with Aaron and we ran into a friend and her mother-in-law. After we did our introductions she grabbed my hands and smiled a huge smile of encouragement and began to tell me how much she loved listening to me on the radio. My heart swelled up, because those were some fun days for me, and to hear someone tell me that they enjoyed it means the world to me. Her words of encouragement were great for my soul. She said she was proud of me, even though we had never met before, for hanging with all those men every morning.
This has happened many times before and each time I'm encouraged that one day I just might be back on the air again. Each conversation includes them telling me that I made the best choice ever to put my kids first, and each conversation includes them asking if I miss it and think I'll ever go back. My answer is always the same. That decision to leave was so hard for me, but so easy at the same time. My family is worth way more than any job, even if it's the coolest job I've ever had in my life! I do want to go back on the radio one day, and honestly I hope I do.
When I was on the radio I felt as though I had a voice. You give someone a microphone and an audience, and they have a voice. It's one of the reasons I love blogging. I started blogging to keep our families up to date with the kids since we lived hundreds of miles away. It then became a place where I could write my feelings and pour out my heart. It has become such a voice for me. Sure, there's no microphone involved, but I get enough emails from strangers telling me that my words have encouraged them, that I feel as though I do have an audience.
One of my biggest desires in life is to have a voice. I mean that in the most humble way possible. Not a voice that's on a stage, but just someone that gets to share her thoughts, opinions, life with people. I struggle with finding the balance of “wanting to be known” and wanting to be used by God to encourage other women. Don't we all at the core struggle with wanting to be known more. I'm constantly looking for the balance of those two things.
A life goal of mine is to write a book, or two. I have had this goal for a few years now, and honestly it's just not that easy. I want to write about my life. Seems like it falls under the “wanting to be known” category doesn't it? But really, I want to share God's story in my life. I've been through a lot in my short 34 years. I've jumped off some cliffs that God brought me to, that I never in a million years thought I would ever get to. I've been in the pit more than one time and have seen God rescue me over and over again. I've been desperate for him and have seen him pull through immediately, and I've had to wait on him for days, months and years. He's faithful though. Always. I want to tell that story.
So, I have officially shared a life goal of mine that I'm very reluctant to put on paper. If it's on paper it's something that I can be held accountable to. Of course Aaron knows of this dream, and few friends, but now the world knows. This terrifies me and excites me all at once. I'm not a writer. I'm a blogger. Two different things. We shall see if somehow or another this blogger can accomplish this goal.