“I want to adopt, but my husband doesn’t”
I hear that so many times. Usually the wife is looking at me with a deep despair and urgency. Her eyes are usually filled with tears and she seems to be wanting me to give her words of wisdom that will move her husband towards adoption, or give her the go ahead to move without him.
I have been there. Before we began our adoption of Amos and Story Aaron and I were on completely different pages about more children. I wanted more and he was done. It was a trying time in our marriage and I’m thankful that someone had poured some great truths into me and I shut my mouth and began to pray and allowed God to change Aaron’s heart. I never could have done it on my own.
My first advice to you as the wife is to quit nagging your husband. The last thing your husband wants is you constantly nagging him about this. Nagging is awful by itself, but nagging your husband to adopt is extra awful. Tell me your husband is not going to feel like an awful person for not being moved for the orphan. You nagging is going to give him feelings of guilt, and honestly it’s not guilt from you that needs to move his heart towards this. God’s word says that “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike” (Prov 27:15) Ouch. I do not want to be as annoying as a continual dripping of water. You do not want your husband to change his mind and want to adopt because you wouldn’t leave him alone about it.
My second advice for you is to pray. That seems so “churchy”, but it brings such great truth to it as well. God listens to the prayers of his people. God wants you to ask him things. His word says just that. I would like to caution you about just praying what you want, and not being open to what God wants. There have been two different times in our marriage that Aaron and I have been on two different pages about things. Both times I prayed that God would bring us together on this issue. My big prayer went like this, “God I want to be united with Aaron. Change his heart on this OR change mine, but bring us together.” Asking God to change your heart is a big thing. Pray with the urgency that you feel for the orphan, but also pray with the urgency of God guiding this and moving your heart closer to your husband’s. God can move his heart, but you can not. Allow God to do this. Ask him, no beg him, to bring you and your husband to the same page.
WAIT … PATIENTLY
My last advice is to wait. Allow God to do his thing. The last thing you want is for your husband to agree to adopt or foster because you won’t quit talking about it. If this is the case, then when things get hard it is all YOUR fault for talking him into doing this. My friend, you do not want that. Wait on God and let him move. He knows your heart and knows your husband’s. Allow him to bring those hearts together. Love your husband well as you wait. He’s on a journey just like you, he just may be a few steps behind you. Don’t make him feel bad for that, but yet love him, pray for him and watch as God brings you closer to your husband through this.
So ladies if you find yourself in a position of wanting to adopt/foster RIGHT NOW, I ask that you close your mouth about it, pray with a uncontrollable urgency, and wait patiently for God to move. God loves you. God loves your husband. God loves the orphan. God has a plan. Rest in that.