I love my kids. Oh gosh I would die for them. I would jump in front of a train for them. I would give my life for them. You see, they are precious to me. I love them dearly. BUT I love their daddy more. Their daddy is the most important person in this world to me. He’s my partner. We’re a team. He’s my best friend. He’s my lover. He’s here for me and me for him.
So many times parents forget their first love when kids come along. They neglect each other. They dive in to the lives of their kids and before you know it they are just two adults that live in this house together and think each other are really nice, but their just juggling kids and whatever the kids may want or need.
We value our time alone. I value our time alone. As a stay at home mom I need to know that at sometime during the week I’m going to be alone with my man and he’s all mine. Date nights for us are golden. They are in our budget. We have a line item for date nights and for babysitters. It’s as much as a priority to us as health insurance. That sounds drastic, but I’m serious. We wouldn’t have the marriage that we do if we didn’t value each other and spend one on one time together.
The other day at gymnastics I was watching Deacon and overheard a mom talking to her mom who was clearly in town from out of town. She had a girl in gymnastics who was maybe kinder or first, a preschool kid with her and a baby in a stroller. Her plate was full. Some of you are there right now. This is your life. Kids and kids and kids. Maybe you feel as though all you do is change diapers and microwave meals and don’t even get me started on laundry and dishes. I swear the washing machine or dishwasher is always running at my house! I get it. I feel your pain. This mom said to her mom that her and her husband hadn’t been out alone in a year. A YEAR! A whole year had gone by and she hadn’t been to a restaurant alone with her husband. Literally my heart hurt for her. Her cup was so full and she wasn’t getting any alone time with her man. Her mom was in town and was going to watch her kids so they could go out. She said, oh I don’t even know what we’ll talk about. Oh my hurt heart even more.
Ladies make this a priority. Make your marriage priority #1 in your life. If Aaron and I haven’t been connecting we can tell we need a date night. We try to get out with just us every single week. If 10 days go by and we’ve haven’t been on a date I just might lose my mind.
My kids know about date night. They know that mommy and daddy go on dates because they love each other. I pray that this will have a huge impact on my kids. In fact I have already seen it making my boys into better husbands and they are only 7, 6 & 5!!! The other day I was talking to Cayden about when he grows up how he can live right next door to me. I joke with them all the time about that. How I don’t want them to grow up, or leave me, so they always say that they’ll live next door or at least on the same street. Cayden told me that he would live next door so that I could watch his kids when he went on date nights with his wife. You see, he’s watching his daddy love his momma well.
Last night I had a great opportunity to speak to moms of preschooler's (MOPS) in Round Rock. It was so fun and I enjoyed every minute of it. I love talking to people and it truly fills me up! They asked me to talk about marriage and so as much as I love being married I realize I've only been married for 10 years and there are lots more people that have more experience then I do, but what the heck I can at least tell them the things that help us have a good marriage for ten years! I had four different areas that help us, and my last point was about dating your man. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know that date nights are super important to us and we need them to stay close to each other.
I said all that above and pray that some women's eyes were opened to how they need to date their man and most importantly how valuable alone time is with each other. I thought I made a bold statement when I said that I love my kids, but I love their daddy more. Is this common? Do you feel this way? Do you feel like a bad mom for saying that? For me it's easy. If Aaron and I don't have a good foundation for our family then it's not going to work. I can love my kids like crazy, but if the foundation of our family is shaky something's going to fall and break.
*Photos from our family photo shoot with my fabulous photographer friend, Kim Ellis. I can't wait to get all these on a disk and devour them. I LOVE LOVE LOVE them!!! Above is not only our family, but also my niece and nephew (Porter & Lilly) and my dad and brother.
You are absolutely right! I have been married for 34 years and counsel couples before marriage and that is one thing we emphasize, building your life together! The kids will grow up and many divorce because they don’t have anything in common with their man! Date night is a valid investment!!! My husband is still my best friend!!!
i agree with loving your husband more than your kids-you have to. your marriage being solid is the best thing you can do for your kids. while we would LOVE a weekly date night it is just not an option for us. there are weeks when we struggle to fit groceries into the budget so paying for a sitter every week (or even every other week) is just not realistic. however, we have recently decided to be more proactive about having home date nights after our kid (soon to be kids) go to bed. just waiting to have dinner alone together at home and watching a $1 rental movie feels like a date 🙂
I recently saw a poll in a parenting magazine asking readers, “which is more important, your marriage or your children?” I was so saddened to see that the results were almost 50/50. There seems to be a serious lack of understanding that prioritizing marriage is actually THE MOST loving thing we can do for our children. Thanks for writing this, and glad you got to speak at MOPS about it!
Oh Jamie! This is an AWESOME post! I will say that as a new momma I find it hard to get out. I really am overprotective of my baby, and don’t want to leave her, but the night we have been able to get out have been so OVERWHELMINGLY WONDERFUL. Our pastor who married us and his wife told us that they love their children, and they are a welcomed part of their life, but they aren’t the center of it. I loved this because it has helped me to remember that my children can’t be the center of my life. It needs to be Christ, Paul (my hubby) and then my kiddos. And I can’t get those confused. It has been hard for me to put my husband 2nd to Christ (I usually want him 1st), but dates night also help me to refocus that. Thank you for this post! Couples need to be reminded that they need to continue to date each other after marriage and after children. It’s just as important to be alone with your spouse as it is to get alone time to yourself. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!
of all the wives i have, YOU are my favorite 🙂
I’m so glad to see that others see this. My wife and I have been together for 20 years. We have 5 kids. By making our relationship the priority we give our kids a foundation that they can build from.
i’m neither married nor do I have kids…but I can’t count the number of times my mom has said, “the best thing that you can do for your kids is love their father, your husband.” my parents didn’t get out every week. with four kids going in nearly all different directions, i’m sure it wasn’t easy. but i’m so thankful that my parents took the time to love one another more than they loved us. i’ve told my dad that the only reason i haven’t found a husband is because i can’t find anyone like him. haha, he thinks it’s funny, but i’m actually pretty serious. your children will immitate what they see. your sons will want to be like their dad and your daughters will want to marry someone like their dad. and the same goes for mom. great advice to cling to…
We’re currently expecting through adoption, so we’re not parents yet, but this is something we’ve talked a lot about. My husband has made a really good point that sooner than you think your kids are out of the house and it’s back to just being the two of you alone again. We’ve sadly seen some close family member’s marriage fall apart after their kids left home because they had become so consumed by their children’s lives that they hadn’t invested in their marriage all those years. We have to keep those later years in mind and make the serious effort to invest in the relationship to ensure it’s strength for the long haul.
Is there anything you can tell on what I can do or what type of husband I should be for my future wife to feel the same way you do??
Please do tell me!!
I’m not married yet, but am wondering what I can do as husband to win my wife’s affection that like you she loves me more than the beautiful children we will have together.