I truly do hate cancer. I hate what it does to people. I hate that people die from it way too early in life. I hate that it takes over kids bodies with a vengeance. I hate that it makes people lose family members that weren't supposed to go before them. I hate that people have to watch people they love waste away. I just hate cancer.
I have not personally lost a loved one from cancer, but most recently my friend Rachel lost her mom and she had walked along side her as she went through years of treatments and years of pain and years of ups and downs in her journey. Finally she went home to be with Jesus and although I was heart broken for their family and for Rachel's dad, I found myself rejoicing just a tad because I knew that Susanna was no longer in pain. She was no long suffering. She was with Jesus, where she would have ended up anyways, but I just hated the road she had to take to get there.
It just seems unfair.
That's maybe why I hate it so much. Usually I sit back and watch people struggle and find myself saying how unfair life is to them. They don't deserve it. I mean really who deserves that? No one.
I've found myself completely enthralled in a new Showtime tv series that I recently found on Netflix and have finished the first two seasons and am on season three now. The show is called THE BIG C and it is a drama about a woman and her journey with cancer. It is very raw emotionally. The feelings that are portrayed in this series are mind boggling and I find myself wishing that surely this can not be true. Surely it's not really emotionally and physically draining to be battling cancer, but yet it is. It is very draining.
Right now a friend of mine is battling cancer. She goes to my church and oh how I wish I knew her better, because she's just an amazing person and I know that we would crack each other up with crazy things we would say. Jen's blogging through her journey and it is raw as well, but the difference between Jen and this fictional character in THE BIG C is that Jen's hope comes from Jesus and Jesus alone, whereas Cathy, the character with cancer on the show, has no hope in Jesus and is determined to fight cancer on her own and live her life for herself. Cathy is hopeless and Jen is full of hope and yet they are both fighting cancer. Cathy's diagnosis brings about erratic and foolish choices, whereas Jen's diagnosis brings her clinging to her Savior more than ever.
I pray for Jen a lot. I pray for her family a lot. I beg God to heal her completely and take away all the freaking cancer from her body. I think I might have even used the word freaking in a prayer. Hopefully God understood my passion for this. In between the card that has Jen's name on it for me to pray for her are these verses: 1Peter 5:7 “cast ALL your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” & Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Recently I saw one of the saddest scenes I've ever seen in a tv show. I can't stop thinking about it and it's from the show that I've been telling you about. The mom who is in treatment has planned ahead for her son, thinking she might not get to see as many birthday's as she had hoped to see. One of my biggest fears in life is that I'll die young and miss out on my kids lives. I battle that fear a lot. I read 1 Peter 5:7 a lot to battle that.
What this scene does for me more than anything is to remind me that no matter if I have cancer or not that my life here is fleeting. My life here is not promised. Any day could be my day that God has designed for me to depart this world. Any day. Any day.
I am beyond challenged by Jen's journey and ready to sit back and watch her kick cancer in the butt! Big time. She is doing what I pray I do when things get tough. She's clinging to her savior and Him and ONLY HIM is what is getting her through. Will you join me in praying for Jen, Adam and her kids? Her husband Adam writes a letter to her every day and if you are not moved by this you have no soul.
*I must add to that the show is on Showtime … you will need to fast forward some.