One thing I love about my kids not being in many activities at this age is that it's almost 100% sure that each night we'll eat dinner together. There may be times when Aaron's gone, or I'm gone, but for the most part it's the 6 of us around the table each night. I try to get my kids to talk about their day, so I can get a feel for what life is like at school. Unfortunately my kids that are in school are boys so I don't get much out of them.
We play the “high-low” game that I'm sure lots of you play around your dinner table at night. I love this game, but my kids are so young that usually we get the same answers out of all of them. Their high's are usually recces and their lows are usually that a kid didn't play with them or something. Lately Deacon has been telling me about this little girl in his class that doesn't like Amos. Amos had brought this up as his low many times. Their classes overlap at the playground, so a high for Amos and Deacon is usually that they get to play together and their low is then when one class has to leave the playground. So cute, right?
Amos has been telling me that this little girl tells him that she doesn't like him. The first time I heard this I wanted to beat the crap out of this little girl. I mean how could you not like Amos. He's basically the sweetest kid in the world and believe me if a 5 year old wanted to boss him around and tell him what to do they could. He's a follower for sure. What's not to like? But, I let it go. Remember there are usually two sides to each story. We talked to him about liking her even if she says mean stuff. Being nice to her even if she's not nice to him, and even talking to the teacher if she was super mean.
Deacon has also brought this girl up saying that she says she doesn't like Amos. Last week he mentioned it and Aaron and I then asked Deacon what he said to her after she said that about his brother. He shrugged and said that he said nothing. I wanted to tell him to punch her in the face, but I refrained. We then discussed how we are a team, and that this team sticks together. We talked about how if someone is talking bad about someone on Team Ivey then we are to stick up for them. That doesn't mean we get to be mean to that person, but we tell them to stop talking about our brother and that we don't like it.
Okay, so fast forward to today at dinner time when Deacon tells me that his low today was when this same little girl said that she doesn't like Amos because he's black and ugly. OH NO SHE DIDN'T. My heart jumped and I held in what I wanted to say and went into a discussion about how we like everyone no matter what their color is. We talked about how God chose each of our colors and how he made us perfect in his image. I told them that what she said was very mean and not something that should determine if you like someone or not.
Inside my heart was breaking. This was a racist comment to my sweet Amos who already struggles with fitting in and being different and now she was saying this. Oh I wanted to march right over to her parents house and have her tell them what she said, and then have her say this to my sweet Amos with me standing right there. Y'all I was boiling on the inside. Boiling for two reasons. #1 kids don't come up with this stuff on their own. This little 5 year old girl has heard this before. She has heard either directly or indirectly that black skin is ugly and she then said it out loud to my son. #2 I was boiling because my son is 5 and we are in the year 2011 and this crap is still being dealt with. Seriously?
I finished dinner with the kids, got them on the couch ready for me to read and marched into my room and emailed both teachers. I didn't email them to tattle tell on the little girl for being mean, but I emailed them so that they could be aware that this was happening in their classroom. This stuff is going on out of their ears and eyes, so if I don't tell them then they don't know. What I pray for the most is two fold. #1 that my son would grow into a strong, black man that knows that he is the son of a mighty God that created him just how he was supposed to be, and #2 that parents would change their words around their kids. If you feel this way, #1 I feel sorry for you, and #2 don't talk like that in front of your kids. You are shaping their minds. They hear this and think it's truth, and I'm sorry my friends but believing that any color of a person is better than the other is a LIE.
You know what's funny about this whole thing? We don't live in an all white neighborhood where Amos might feel like an outsider. Nope, Aaron, Cayden and I are the minority in our neighborhood. Cayden was the only white kid in his class last year. Our school is majority hispanic, then black, and then a very small percentage white. This is not just a black vs white thing. Y'all this is everyone. Everyone thinking they are better. Everyone thinking their color is greater than the other.
In the book I'm reading SALVATION BELONGS TO THE LORD by John M. Frame he states it best when he says this: The image of God belongs to every child of Adam, every human being. The bible will not permit us to divide the human race into some who bear God's image and some who don't. The image of God belongs to all races, all nationalities; it belongs to rich and poor, make and female, bond and free; it belongs to those who are disabled, even those so disabled that they cannot care for themselves; and it belongs to the unborn and those near death. Scripture never excludes anyone from the dignity that goes with being in the image of God, and we may not exclude them either. Each human being is wonderfully precious in God's sight. That fact has enormous implications for the way we treat other people (Gen. 9:6; James 3:9-10).
Jamie, this is something i fear as well. Something similar I guess. I’m white my husband is from venezuela so as I call him he’s my hershey’s kiss 🙂 we live in a town where racism is still strong unfortunantly.. I’m not worried for my husband or I but worried for my kids that they will be made fun of for having 2 different colored parents… I have actually had someone tell someone else behind my back that I was living in sin because my husband is a different color than me! praying for your kids!
Oh Jamie… where do I begin? I’m absolutely heart broken you guys are having to deal with this for the first time. I remember my first time. I thought I was going to tackle a 6ft 4, 300 lb man in target. I remember a conversation with Isaiah when he asked me how God came up with his color. I said, “well, God took Daddy’s color and my color and swirled it all together to make your color, and He made you perfect!” He was quiet and pensive, then said, “Don’t worry Mommy, when we get to heaven, I’ll ask God to make you brown like me and Daddy so you can be perfect too!” I just laughed… we had the talk then and it’s a conversation that comes up a lot. I know it’s hard when its your kids and your mama claws want to come out, but the best we can do is respond in love in hopes that they will follow our lead. I know Amos will grow into a fine young man and he will do all God has purposed him to do. He is so incredibly blessed to have you for a Mommy. Love you girl! Sleep over at the Ivey’s soon!
YUUUUCCCCKKKK! yuck yuck yuck! Like that kid needs more stuff to work through! I am saying a serious prayer for your sweet kids and you and aaron RIGHT NOW about this. love you guys.
Jamie,
After I read this I took some time to pray for Amos, Deacon, the little girl, you and Aaron and their teachers. The hardest thing for me, when I was teaching, was not being able to tell the students God made us perfect no matter our color. I’m praying that Deacon and Amos can be bold and gracious with this little girl. It breaks my heart that at such a young age she already feels this way.
However, I’m grateful that this is Deacon’s low because it shows how his heart is knit with Amos’s heart. It shows that even though they aren’t blood related they are brothers. God did that. He knit their hearts together and has formed a bond that is so precious and sweet.
This is something great for me to think about since we are adopting from Haiti. I hadn’t imagined how others would react to my sweet babies.
I’m praying for you guys! And I’m praying that God places people in that little girl’s life to show her that God has made us all in His image, and we are perfect.
Also, I would see if the school counselor could pull them to do some relationship building. That might help her to see that Amos is just like her.
It makes me so sad to hear that things like this are still happening! I went to bed last night thinking about race for some reason. Must have been a God thing! I am a mixed race child myself. My father is basically white, and my mother is Japanese. But depending on what part of the US I am in most people assume I am of Hispanic or italian decent. I am many things, really…or as my dad called me…the heinz 57 kid! 😀 I have grown up living all over the US. I have lived in Texas, Maryland, Colorado, and California as a child. After getting married I have added in Virginia, Massachusetts, back to Colorado and now Kansas. And I lived in Texas and California again. When I started school my family lived in Maryland, and my 2 best friends were black & italian. My dad’s boss at the time was black, and our families were very close. So, color was not ever an issue to me, until my family moved to Colorado when I was 7 yrs old. I kind of stuck out at school, but not really. But when this black set of twins girls started school late in the school year, I immediately reached out to them to be friends. I played with them at recess and before and after school on the playground. After a week or so I noticed most of my usual playmates had stopped playing with us. But thought nothing of it until a month later when one of the sisters got sick on the playground, one day after lunch. I did the normal, go get the playground lady. When I told her my friend got sick she asked me to take her to the kid. But when we got to her, she said, “Oh, I thought you played white kids. I can’t help her.” And she said it like she was going to catch something if she touched her. Granted she was pretty much covered in barf, so I assumed she meant she didn’t want to get sick too. But when I asked her if she was going to take her to the nurse to call her mother, she told me no. I was dumbfounded!!! I’d seen this lady carry kids that had fallen on the playground to the nurse. But my friend who was clearly sick, and NOW CRYING, was not going to get her help! I still was confused, but asked if I could take her to the nurse. She told me yes, and in a very mean tone, added, “Take her sister too!” So I did! It wasn’t until I got home later in day, that my Dad explained to me why the playground lady was so mean. I was in shock!! Until that moment, I didn’t know what racism was. It broke my heart! And what broke my heart even more, when I went back to school, my twin friends never came back to school! I never did find out what happened to them. But I assume their family decided to move, or they had the girls switch schools.
I just hope and pray my precious foster daughter who is half black and will be growing up raised by only her white mother has life a lot easier! Would love to hear how the teachers involved will deal with the issue!
I am so sorry this happened! I really hope the school will talk to the parents.
I had this same thing happen. My daughter (Ethiopian) and I were playing after her Mom’s Day Out program on the playground… for 3 weeks a little 3-year-old girl was just mean to my daughter… saying she didn’t like her, didn’t want to swing next to her, etc. but on the 4th week, she flat out told her that she didn’t like her because she was brown… she said it right in front of me! I put my baby on my hip and confronted the mom… it didn’t go well… I wish my words would have been stronger/better… but, I did confront her. It didn’t make me feel any better about the situation, but I wanted my daughter to know what was happening was wrong and that I would always stand up for her. Later that time, we went on a special playdate as a family (me, my husband, her big sisiter (who is Chinese) and her little brother who was born in the U.S.) and had a “we love Nevaeh” party. Later, we prayed that Jesus would “take the mean” out of the little girl’s heart. Anyway, just wanted you to know you are not alone! I think the hardest part for me was that none of the other moms on the playground seemed to think it was that big of a deal. Or maybe they just didn’t want to get involved?
Jamie, I’m so sorry that happened! Gosh that is just terrible and so sad. I’m wondering how much of that we will experience, with our little Latina. Sometimes the world makes me sad. 🙁
We moved from the city to our current town 13 years ago, at which time it was predominantly white. I overheard nasty comments directed toward my children on two occasions and this broke my heart. It was part of (there are many parts of) my decision to homeschool. All these years later, though, are town has become much more diverse. Ignorance will always exist, though.