Lat night while at Breakaway some friends were talking about how long we have been married. The single friend that was in the group asked us what year was our best and what year was our hardest. I thought for a moment about the best, but it took me no time to think about the hardest. By far 2010 has been my hardest year personally, spiritually and even in my marriage. You would think it would be my best because all of my kids are home, but in fact I have struggled more this year than before. 2009 was super hard because we were waiting so much for our kids to come home, but even with them being home the challenges this year have been harder for me.
I have been stressed, anxious, tired, feeling under appreciate, under qualified and not a good mommy. Most days I feel as though I could have done more for my kids, with my kids and for our family. I know that most of those are lies from the devil, but what I’m trying to say is that this year has put me through the ringer. Several times in the last few weeks I have had to remind myself how thankful I should be that all my kids are home around the table. For some reason, that I have yet to figure out, I keep forgetting that. I keep feeling tired, stressed, tired, and not enough time for all my kids instead of feeling grateful for them all being here.
I am so grateful for four kids. I want four kids. I have always wanted four kids, but sometimes I feel like I can only be a good mommy to 2 at a time and for the other 2 that sucks. If it’s your day to be a part of the “good 2” that get the goodness of me then it’s a good day. If you happen to not get the good mommy that day then it’s not so good. Anyone else with lots of kids struggle with feeling as though you can’t give all of them all of you?
Last night at Breakaway Ben Stuart asked all the kids that had come back to the Lord this semester to stand. All of those students that at one point left their first love and followed their own desires but this semester God went and grabbed them and brought them back to stand. I was proud of them and felt such joy for them. He then read a verse over them and when he read it for them I felt like he was reading it to me and my eyes swelled with tears. He read I Thesssalonians 5:24 “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” All of a sudden it hit me. God is faithful to me as a mom. He has called me to these kids. He will surely do it. He will sustain me. He will be my comfort. He will be my rest. He will be my strength. It is no accident that I am mommy to Cayden, Amos, Deacon & Story. He will be faithful to me as a mom.
Today I’m resting in that truth. HE WILL SURELY DO IT.