Lat night while at Breakaway some friends were talking about how long we have been married. The single friend that was in the group asked us what year was our best and what year was our hardest. I thought for a moment about the best, but it took me no time to think about the hardest. By far 2010 has been my hardest year personally, spiritually and even in my marriage. You would think it would be my best because all of my kids are home, but in fact I have struggled more this year than before. 2009 was super hard because we were waiting so much for our kids to come home, but even with them being home the challenges this year have been harder for me.
I have been stressed, anxious, tired, feeling under appreciate, under qualified and not a good mommy. Most days I feel as though I could have done more for my kids, with my kids and for our family. I know that most of those are lies from the devil, but what I'm trying to say is that this year has put me through the ringer. Several times in the last few weeks I have had to remind myself how thankful I should be that all my kids are home around the table. For some reason, that I have yet to figure out, I keep forgetting that. I keep feeling tired, stressed, tired, and not enough time for all my kids instead of feeling grateful for them all being here.
I am so grateful for four kids. I want four kids. I have always wanted four kids, but sometimes I feel like I can only be a good mommy to 2 at a time and for the other 2 that sucks. If it's your day to be a part of the “good 2” that get the goodness of me then it's a good day. If you happen to not get the good mommy that day then it's not so good. Anyone else with lots of kids struggle with feeling as though you can't give all of them all of you?
Last night at Breakaway Ministries Podcast Ben Stuart asked all the kids that had come back to the Lord this semester to stand. All of those students that at one point left their first love and followed their own desires but this semester God went and grabbed them and brought them back to stand. I was proud of them and felt such joy for them. He then read a verse over them and when he read it for them I felt like he was reading it to me and my eyes swelled with tears. He read I Thesssalonians 5:24 “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” All of a sudden it hit me. God is faithful to me as a mom. He has called me to these kids. He will surely do it. He will sustain me. He will be my comfort. He will be my rest. He will be my strength. It is no accident that I am mommy to Cayden, Amos, Deacon & Story. He will be faithful to me as a mom.
Today I'm resting in that truth. HE WILL SURELY DO IT.
Thanks for this reminder. Love & hugs!!
I think I know your feeling from a daddy perspective.
My wife and I have three children right now (9, 6, and 2). And some days it seems they get plenty of attention, but other times it might be hit or miss. And my wife and I are seriously considering adoption as well. And I sometimes have hesitations because of what you wrote about early in your post: will there be enough of us, as parents, for our FOUR children (if we were to adopt).
Thanks for the good words.
girl! thanks for posting this verse and these specific words today. you are so right, He will surely do it. I am counting on that. : )
I normally just read, haven’t commented in a while, but I read that verse and it was like God lifted them off the screen and planted them in my heart. I’ve been going through a season of questioning and frustration, and asking myself if I really heard God right and if I’m really able to do what He’s asked me to do. I NEEDED this today. Thank you for your transparency. Praying and praising for you.
Oh Jamie…you are such a beautiful women inside and out! How you share your heart fills me with JOY, tears in my eyes as I read this. As a mother of two grown children, Benjamin 25, December 5th and Bryant soon to be 23 on January 6th. I know the stress of when they were little. Energy to keep up with them, train them teach them, let alone 4 little ones. Those days that they were home were so fleeting… now a distant memory. I was looking at pictures this morning that I posted on FB of times we shared on Christmas eve and times we shared doing the Advent candles together, etc. Even after my children are grown I still wonder if there is more I could have done or done differently. All we can do is continue to pray, pray, pray. I still need to TRUST God that he will surely do it! God is so faithful to speak to us when we need it. Hebrews 6:10 was the recent scripture God spoke to my heart. Thankful God is so faithful to us to encourage us. 🙂 Brad and I did our best with the guidance of the Holy Spirit to raise our children. I still need to trust God will do the rest. Thanks for your sweet words. Know that I am praying for you all. (((hugs)))!
Hi Jamie, I read your blog, but don’t know if I’ve ever commented. However, I loved this post. Thank you for this post. Thank you for that reminder. I’m believing God for this as well, He is faithful and He will do it. Great post!
I have no idea what life as a mom is like (yet), but the struggle to remember that God is faithful to us hits all of us hard, and I feel that this year has been that way for me too. Partly, because I have questioned God’s goodness after we lost one of our twins at 18 weeks pregnant, but also because I fail to remember that ALL He does is GOOD and He is Good.
Thank you for being so transparent. But thank you mostly for the verse. I’m in a season where I need to be reminded of His faithfulness.
Thank you for sharing Jamie! You are definitely not alone in those feelings! I recommend the book Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. It gave me great encouragement.
Love this! Thank you!
Clinging to that. (And yes–this mama of four also struggles with that and in fact was just moaning about it to my own mama. I feel like someone is always getting the short end of the stick–and I’m not getting anything at all! And then I remember that these are SWEET DAYS, and though they can be trying, they are full of glorious life. I want to give thanks for each day and each child and stop griping about how I can’t be it all. Duh. That’s why they need the Lord!) He is faithful–to me AND to each of them. What a comfort!
Jamie: I’ve followed your blog (and prayed for your family) for a while now, and today you hit the nail on the head with this one. Thanks. I, too, have 4 kids. Ages 6 and 4 (bio) and 3 and 2 (both home from Haiti in January). 2008-9 was full of agonizing waiting, multiple visits to Haiti, and grief. I could not listen to Aaron’s song without tears streaming. Then 2010 happened and that blew 2009 out of the water. Your description is spot on with the challenges of the year. On Mothers day 2010, when I again had tears streaming down my face during church, someone commented on how happy I was. Yet they were tears of shame for not being the mother for my kids I wished to be. The devil will whisper his lies anytime he can, especially to a tired, stressed out, exhausted mom. I put a small video (to AmosStory) to it for my mother’s day present to myself; you are welcome to look at it at http://susan-ouryellowhouse.blogspot.com/ Thanks again. By the way, we clung to Psalm 130 (and still do).
You can also find relief in Isaiah 40:11 He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” You are with young and God will gently lead you!
I am 5 days from having my first little one. So I can’t even imagine the hardships of 4 yet. But my mother-in-law/mentor always has some words of wisdom. She has 4 boys- she said she could have been the “perfect mother” of two, but God gave her four because He knew she couldn’t do it on her own, and she would have to rely 100% on His strength instead of her own. Jamie, thank you for being a warrior for Jesus, and through Him you are forming little warriors for the kingdom. You are in our prayers.
Man, you don’t know how much I needed to read this tonight. I have 4 kids as well and lately most of the time I feel like a failure. Or sometimes I fantasize about being single with no children. Then I feel like a huge, ungrateful jerk because all I EVER wanted was to be a mom.
But this post and some of these comments are a big encouragement.
Hey lady, don’t add to your stress by feeling stressed that you are stressed. Or disappointed because you aren’t thankful “enough.” Or guilty because you feel unappreciated.
Stay in the present, let your feelings be validated, and then ask Jesus to pour it all in you. 🙂