Happy Christmas Eve to all of you!
Tonight has been a whirlwind of emotions to me. It started with a pitty party for one in my closet tonight. All alone I cried because I had nothing to wear. What a girly thing I went through tonight. I felt as though nothing fit. Nothing looked good. Everything was too tight (maybe I’ve gained a few pounds?). Nothing was right. I felt ugly. I felt chubby. I felt blah.
So I cried. Alone. In my closet. I could hear the kids in the living room playing. I still cried.
Then of course my phone rang. UGH!
It was Staci and so I answered. She asked if I was good and coming to church. I said something to the fact that I was frustrated and would be there when I could get there.
Then I told her about my pitty party and she called me out. She said to me that I can not let my feelings interfere with the celebration tonight of the birth of our Savior. She basically slapped me with a gracious slap and told me to pull myself together and to realize who I was going to worship at church tonight. I was allowing my feelings and emotions to taint the joyous occasion that I was heading to church to celebrate. The birth of our savior.
I got to church and was frustrated with myself. I couldn’t shake it. I was trying, but I felt as though I was stupid for even crying in my closet tonight as a 32 year old woman over clothes that weren’t fitting.
Then we had our service. There I stood with my three boys as we sang about the birth of Jesus. My THREE boys. Last year I only had two boys. This year all THREE of my boys are here. It hit me and I was gracious. I stood there and wrapped my arms around Amos and was overfilled with joy to hear him sing with his daddy, Hallelujah what a Savior. Oh my heart was exploding.
I forgot about my pitty party.
I began to worship and to be thankful and grateful not only for my son who is home, but I am just down right overflowing with thankfulness for Jesus. Our rescuer. Our redeemer. Our deliverer.
We sang “O Holy Night” and I have forever loved this song, but began to truly truly love and adore it after Matt preached a sermon series about it in December of 2008. Go listen to the sermon titled The Reckless Love of God and let me tell you that you will be blessed and forever changed the next time you sing O Holy Night. Also listen to the next ones in the months since they are all about that song.
Then the kids and I got home and they opened their Christmas Eve present, which Cayden is starting to figure out is always jammies! I wondered how long until they figure that out! I was once again filled with joy as watching Amos open his first present with us. Oh thank you Jesus for that moment. He was so thrilled with his jammies that I can’t wait until he gets a bike tomorrow. He might lose his mind!
So my Christmas Eve was a wave of emotions, but as I lay down tonight I will feel so much happiness that all my family is here tonight. Sleeping in their beds. Resting and excited about tomorrow. We are all home. Jesus is alive and our savior. What more can a mom as for tonight?
Now I gotta go and put together some bikes and a kitchen ………
Happy Chirstmas Eve from the Ivey’s!