I remember when we were in the midst of our domestic adoption there would always be people that would criticize us for not taking care of the starving kids around the world. Then I remember when we were in the midst of our international adoption from Haiti people would tell us that they couldn’t believe we would neglect our “own” kids right here in America to go get kids from another country. We always felt as though there would always be someone that would think what we were doing was wrong.
The only good answer that I had to any of those people was that we were adopting where our kids were. It didn’t make sense to us as a young couple with a 7-month-old baby to start the domestic adoption process. Then it didn’t make sense for a couple with two kids that were under 4 to start an international adoption for two more kids. It was all crazy, except it was exactly as God planned. He knew where our kids were, and when they were going to join the Ivey family.
Lately I have been answering some hard questions from our son who is 5 and was adopted as an infant in a domestic adoption. He knows who is first mom is and we have a great relationship with her, and so his little heart and head are beginning to question certain things. He wondered aloud to me one day how she could have had him if she wasn’t married. Then just the other day he was snuggling up with his daddy and out of the blue he asked how she was doing. He was just thinking about her and hoping she was okay.
My heart hurts for three of my children that didn’t join our family the “traditional” way and will one day wonder aloud why them and why our family. I pray to God daily that Aaron and I will have the answers and love to give them during this time. One thing we have already been putting on our kid’s minds is the fact that the God of the universe placed them in their family. The God who made the trees, the sky and the cattle planned out their existence and their family. The God who knows the number of hairs on their heads created them with a purpose and has a plan for their lives. The God who sent his son to be a sacrifice for us knew before time who my kids would be. The God who forgives our sins knew the moms that would be moms to my kids before I was.
When all looks messy, I pray that my kids will see the steady hand of God in their lives. I pray that they will know his love because we have shown them his love.
God knew that all of these cute kids would be Ivey's and I love that!
This Spring there is a fabulous adoption conference in NW Arkansas that Aaron will be playing at and hopefully I'll be attending. This is a great way to connect to others that are like-minded in fighting for justice for the orphan and a great way to learn about adoption if you have questions or are wondering if it's for you.
Please head over to the IDEA CAMP website to get much more information on their conference this year in February!
I’m hoping to go to this conference! Right now it’s a long shot, but I’m still praying it will work out anyway.
Beautiful post, Jamie.
I want to go too! I have been on the website for the last few days.
J~ Thanks for posting this. It’s pretty close to what I needed to hear today. When its messy…God is still the one in control. *sigh* So hard to believe right now. Nothing makes sense.
Jaimie what a beautiful post… it is my comfort as we face complete unknowing if we’ll ever be able to adopt and even then may run out of time as it take SO long!
God knows which children will be a part of our family… “The God who made the trees, the sky and the cattle planned out their existence and their family.” I love that!
So wish we were closer to be able to attend the Idea Camp, we learnt so much being at T4A and I believe exposure to events such as these to be what will empower change in our nation. But again… God knows
Hi, Jamie, so good to visit your site. I found you via IC blog, and loved your article you shared. Love that you honestly talk about the hard questions and the feelings of “getting it wrong.” And I love how you spoke out what so many adoptive parents probably have to face– the questions from people who don’t understand the road you are being led to walk. Thanks for walking it, anyway.
What a powerful post. I totally believe that the people in our family are in it because God knew they were right for our family and no one else’s. You are a great Mother and Father to those children and I’m sure whatever questions they have through the years you two will be able to answer with great faith and love.
J- We’re starting to see a lot of those questions from our 4 year old. Trying to figure out the delicate balance of honesty and protecting him. Wishing I could call him forever mine and that he and I would both know that he is forever secure here in our family. Our BIG prayer for this year is that we can not just have custody, but have him as our forever boy, a Delgado. So wanna join us in prayer for that? So glad you listened and obeyed and opened your family up to those sweet kiddos!