I told you yesterday about fighting my fears with God's word and how I have a friend that encouraged me so much with her words after I posted about my fear of Aaron cheating on me. I talked her into sharing her story with us today. I pray that this will meet you right where you are in your marriage.
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{Photo by Lauren Bazan}
I’ll never forget the moment I heard the words: “I need you to sit down. I quit the band. Ive been unfaithful to you. More than once and for a long time.” It’s almost like a physical illness overcame my body. I began shaking and my knees hit the floor in my kitchen as I felt a wave of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks. I was being handed the death sentence for my marriage. I thought.
Over the next couple of years, my marriage was taken to the cleaners and thrown onto an emotional roller coaster that I never paid to get on and frankly, just sucked. I dealt with anger, resentment, depression, heavy sadness, insecurity, acts of revenge (which are equally as devastating) and a complete loss of trust. I frantically wondered where he was at all times. Who he was talking to. I didn’t even like pretty girls hanging out at my house. Because pretty=evil. Right? Because if I could control who he saw, where he went, who he talked to, I could somehow change his heart. The thing is, God had already started changing his heart and I was actually getting in the way.
I had made my marriage my functional savior. It was all I thought about. It was all I cared about. I was putting all of my hope in my husband and my marriage. I loved the idea that my marriage was safe, more than I loved Jesus. But here’s the deal…no marriage and no person can carry that weight. And it was ultimately failing me. I went to bed fearful and I woke up fearful.
During these times of desperation, I honestly had no where to turn but to God. I began praying for my marriage. I began praying for my husband. I began praying that God would change my heart and woo me to love him more than I loved my husband and more than I loved my marriage. I started experiencing an intimacy with God that I hadn’t ever had before. I could feel the anxiety and paralyzing fear of infidelity being lifted. I had Jesus who, when I felt scared, insecure and doubtful, gave me strength and hope. I had a perfect God that would never leave me, forsake me or betray me.
When I really began to grasp that, I began to release the tight grip I had on my marriage. It allowed my marriage to flourish because my husband was in his rightful place in my life…second. My hope was not in him. He could fail me, but he couldn’t take away my hope in Jesus Christ. God was allowed to grow my marriage with Jesus at the center of it. And my marriage has never been better. It’s far from perfect. But it’s such a picture of God’s good and unfailing grace.
I am well aware that infidelity could crash in again. It just could. It most likely won’t, because we have many things in place to remain wise about decisions we make. But it’s not impossible. And still, God is enough to take care of that fear and that worry.
8 years later, it is so easy for me to talk about what happened in my kitchen that day. And what happened the following years. It’s not painful. It doesn’t sting. It’s my story and it’s not ugly to me anymore. Because God, in his goodness, heals hearts, restores marriages and turns ashes into beauty.
So beautiful, honest, vulnerable and real. Thank you for sharing this story. Despite all we put our false hope, Jesus is enough. Truth. I needed to hear that.
I need this truth in every area of my life. Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough.
Man, some days it is so easy to look to my marriage and husband to be the ultimate defining and fulfilling thing in my life. Thanks for your honesty and for pointing me to Jesus
This is such a BEAUTIFUL picture of the Gospel and Jesus’ never ending pursuit of us! Thank you for your courage to sharing this! Please know the Lord is most glorified in & through your story. What a challenging reminder to ask what we are placing above God–our husbands, ourselves, jobs etc. The Spirit revealed this to me a couple of months ago in His Word that I had made a false god of myself by making all my life, relationships, ministry dependent on what I was doing. Yuck! He hit me hard with Exodus 20:3-6, 3 “You shall have no other gods before me.
4 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
5 You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.
So thankful for His grace. And I thank Him for the strength & healinh He has given you to share this story.
Kate first off I AM SO SORRY for this hard time you have been going through for a while in your marriage. I have no advice for you, but I do know that God does work miracles still to this day. I would encourage you to continue to fight. Again I’m sorry about the difficult days you have been facing and are facing now.
Some days?? I do this all the time. My friends words were perfect for me!
I acted so badly I am ashamed of myself. I never thought I would see the day where he would be fighting to get me back but that is just exactly what happened once I ordered a spell from Dr Agba, Furthermore our relationship is now on a more honest, firm and committed footing. Thanks so much Dr Agba. agbalaxxy@gmail.com is his email, if you need his help in restoring your relationship.
I never comment on blogs…ever. This post was so much of what I needed right now I just had to say thank you. I have read it every day since I discovered it. When you have been on the receiving end of your spouse’s infidelity it can be such a lonely place. I have been seeking God as we try to heal but often times I go right back to wondering and worrying. This was exactly what I needed…a reminder about who and what should really be first. God is such an on-time God…wow. Thank you again and God bless.
Mrs. Ivey,
I praise GOD for the testimony of Aaron’s and your marriage which has encouraged me to continue seeking His healing for the separation with my wife. Thank you for publicly sharing.