Five years ago this month I attended an adoption conference in Nashville, TN and my friend Becca was there as well. Several of us drove up from Austin and I'll never forget sitting on the floor with her in a breakout session as we listened to a woman tell her story of her time in the foster care system. Both of our hearts broke as she spoke of her traumatic journey in life. LIttle did either one of us know that five years later Becca would be adopting her two sons from the foster care system.
Becca's adoption day: 11/7/13
God is so good in how he orchestrates our lives. Neither one of us had any clue then what the next five years would hold for us. My kids came home a year 1/2 later, and three years later Becca's life was intersected with two teenage boys that would eventually become her sons.
Last week they became her sons. The state of Texas declared them a family. Their destiny was changed. They have a mom that loves them. They have grandparents that adore them. Everything changed for all three of them.
Davion
Recently the news went crazy when 15 year old Davion Only stood in front of a church service and put forth his request for a family. When I first saw this, I honestly didn't click on the link because I feared it was going to be some story made up for publicity. Then I kept seeing the story and low and behold it was real. Then I saw how many requests they were getting to adopt this young man. Thousands of people were standing up saying “yes” we'll be his family. Thousands of people were putting a face to the system. Davion was the first face they had seen, and it moved them to “yes”. My first thought at this overwhelming response was with all the other thousands of kids in the system that need parents. I wanted everyone that said yes to Davion, to say yes to someone else. There are thousands. {Kristen wrote about this so well on her blog. I highly recommend you check it out.}
What can you do?
I want to encourage you if you have ever thought about foster care, to pray about it for real. To sincerely ask God to show you how you can help. Maybe it's with interim care, or with household items for foster parents, or as a CASA volunteer, or with Christmas gifts for kids, or just maybe you are supposed to be a foster parent. This life is so short, and maybe some of your time is meant to be poured out on other people. {If you live in Austin, click HERE for some great opportunities to help}
the middle parent?
I spoke with a friend from an agency here in town and asked her what her needs were. Of course they need families to adopt kids, but she specifically said she needs families that are willing to be that middle parent. The safe, caring, loving home for the child when all else is falling apart. The home for the child while they are in between their final destination. The goal is always reunification with families, and maybe you are that home for a child while the parents get their lives back together. What a ministry you could be to a family.
adoption?
She also said she needs more Becca's. People willing to lay down their lives for kids that are so close to aging out of the system. 210 kids are waiting to be adopted right here in Travis County where I live. 6500 kids are waiting to be adopted in the state of Texas. The average age of children in foster care is 8.5 years old. These kids need families and siblings and grandparents to love them and provide a safe, stable and loving family for them.
In 2012, 16,972 children in Texas were removed from their homes by CPS due to abuse or neglect (647 of those in Travis Co). Also last year there were a total of 31,302 children in foster care in Texas (976 in Travis Co.). Kids who were adopted in Texas through foster care in 2012, spent and average of 29.2 months in foster care before the adoption was finalized with an average of 2.7 placements.
such a great need
There is a great need. Sometimes the need feels overwhelming and we feel so tiny, and so therefore we don't do anything. We sit and wait for a time to come where we feel capable of stepping in. Friends maybe that time is now for you. Ask God. Ask him to move your heart towards where he wants you. He will.
So, what can you do? How can you be a part of the solution?
I'd love to hear from you … have you fostered? Tell us about it. Are you considering it? What's holding you back? Are you scared? Let's use the comments to encourage those that might be thinking about this.
*All of these stats come directly from DFPS data
Resources here:
Jen McManus talks about being the Middle Mom in this guest post.
Two of my favorite books I have read in the past few years about foster care: THE MIDDLE MOM by Christie Erwin & THREE LITTLE WORDS by Ashley Rhodes-Courter
Jen K tells her story about adopting from foster care
Jana tells her story about adopting from foster care
Cara tells her story about adopting from foster care
Kim tells her story about adopting from foster care
Becca talking about fostering
I love your post. I have been following your blog even if admit I am not reading every post…I so admire you to have adopted. More than one child. I have a 3 yr old girl and I would like to adopt. Or be a foster parent. My husband is relictant, he has 2 adult kids from a previous marriage and feels he does’t want to ‘raise kids all his life’. I understand him but I really feel and want I want to help a kid, to make our family bigger, eventually adopt a girl…I went to a meeting about foster care and still cannot completely decide. My fear is the impact of bringing a kid with trauma in our home, all the attention she would need – on my daughter? How would she take that…would she understand…
I go back and forth on this…someone’s input?
Thanks…
Nina
Nina – GREAT question and a very valid one to consider when you walk down the path of foster care and/or adoption. I have lots to say about this and I’ll do a post about it soon. I also know several of my friends (especially the ones I linked to in the post above) can talk to this and hopefully they’ll chime in.
Oh and thanks for reading!
This is so beautiful!!! We will be welcoming our four children legally into our family on Friday! So this touches a special place in my heart!
Ashley CONGRATS!!!!
I love this Jamie! My family is in the process of getting licensed to foster right now! I’m praying we will be done by February! This has been a very scary decision for our family. My husband was not on board at first but through a lot of prayer on both sides he sees the need to obey God when it says in James to visit the orphans. This is our way to make this real in our lives. But before this decision came I knew I needed to do something. I have been volunteering in Austin at a children’s home and read bedtimes stories on Saturday nights to the kids. I knew God was calling me to do something with orphans so before I knew for sure what this was I knew He wanted me to be obedient in the little things! If God brings adoption out of fostering I will be so honored but right not I will be the middle parent and pray God can use me in some special way!
Jessica that’s amazing. Can you tell us more about what you do (links on where to get info) in case anyone on here is interested? Thanks!
I forgot to explain what I do. The kids here have been badly abused and neglected and so there are certain parts to their day that trigger very bad memories. Bedtime is one of them so they ask volunteers to come and sit at their doorway and read books to soothe them and put them to sleep. I am there about an hour and a half every Saturday night. I love it! Like I said there are a lot of other ways they need help also this just worked the best with my schedule.
I adopted my son from foster care when he was four. He is the light of my life. I’m not going to say that there haven’t been hard times through the years or that adoption is for everyone, but the joy that has been added to my life is so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. I love my little man (even though he is now 13 and taller than me!) so much that I can’t even explain it. If you have thought about opening your heart to a child or children that really need a home, I can personally say it was the best thing I have been called to do. I really believe that God has a plan and a purpose and I know that mine was to be Ian’s mom.
Nina, if your husband isn’t sure, keep praying and wait until you and your husband are unified before you take the plunge. You will need the full emotional support and help from your spouse and you want to go into this as a team, like you’re ready for The Amazing Race! I love that you are asking questions and doing research because that will give you an idea of what to expect. Bringing a kid into your home with a past that is most likely very different from your daughter’s is definitely hard and completely scary, but what we saw in our case was that my bio sons rallied and they love my adopted son like crazy. That’s not to say that there haven’t been crazy times that we’ve had to fight through, but when the hard times arise, we get another opportunity as parents to point all three of our kids to Jesus, teaching them to forgive one another and to cling to Jesus as their source for hope and joy, regardless of their circumstances, or what crazy ups or downs might’ve happened that day.
I would love to hear more about your story, Jessica! That’s wonderful what God has been doing in your life 🙂 Congratulations on this next step!! I too am about to become a foster parent! I just received my license with my husband and we are hoping to take in a child before Christmas. What an incredible journey this will be!!
My husband and I knew we wanted to adopt or do foster care someday, but didn’t realize that God would call us to foster so soon in our marriage. Our 2nd wedding anniversary is next week and we have just received our foster care license! I am really excited to start this journey and become a parent first through foster care, as the “middle parent.” I believe God will also give us a way to adopt through foster care at some point, because that is also very strongly on our hearts. But for now, we want to help children and make an impact on that generation. It is my dream to have a mixed family with adopted and biological children, and so I’ve especially loved following your blog, Jamie! You really make adoption seem doable, and I’ve loved reading the stories about your obedience and how you and your family have let God in when He’s knocked on your door. You’re a great role model!
Thanks Kari — just trying to follow God. I screw up most of the time FYI!
We finalized our adoption yesterday!
When my husband and I a started dating 10 years ago we discussed that we wanted to adopt. It was something that we were interested in but didn’t know how to go about doing it. Then, I think it turned into something we just said so we would sound like good people…After his brother started the foster to adopt process we started seriously praying about it. We started asking God to let us know when the right time was. Well, 17 months ago we got a random phone call asking if we were willing to take a premature baby. I immediately said “Yes…wait, let me ask Matt and I’ll call you back.” When I asked him he said “Yes” immediately too. It has been hard emotionally, thinking he was going back the first 11 months. BUT oh my, that boys is soooo wonderful. And God is so good, He knew we would never start the process. So thankful to a God that blesses us with children!
We were somewhat thrown into the fostering adventure with our daughter. I don’t think we totally had time to think about all the struggles we could encounter, but as I have shared our story most of the fears that I hear are about loving a child & having to give them back. Especially how it may affect other kids in your family. Our son was 4 1/2 when our daughter was placed in our family. We had her for 16 months & then she was placed back with her birth mom. She returned to our care after almost 4 months when she was 2 1/2 & we just adopted her in May. The 4 months she was gone was hard for all of us, but especially our son. He loved her & really struggled in some ways that were hard to see at first. But our Jesus is so amazing how he intentionally works. That season of such deep hurt & pain was what helped our son understand his deep NEED for Jesus! God moved in his heart through the struggle & called him out by name & adopted him into His family!! I mean…God is a good Father! So be encouraged! This fostering journey is used by God to not only change the lives of the kiddos you are blessed to foster, but also the lives of EVERYONE saying YES & choosing to love!! We are so thankful for all the fruit God produced in our family through our experience with our daughter, we are jumping on board again to foster in the spring! God’s word is so true…when we lose our life for the sake of the Gospel, we really do gain it!!