The other day I was at the children's museum with the boys and I found myself doing something that I often wonder if people do when they see us. My kids were playing in the rocks digging up dinosaur bones when a white couple walked up with a biracial little boy. Both of adults seemed to act like his parents. They were both very affectionate with him. I found myself wondering. How did this child become their son? Then I wondered if he was their son. Then I wondered if he was adopted. What if he was just their nephew. What if her first husband died.
You see I didn't think it was odd that he was black and they were white, I was simply curious as to the story. I find those things intriguing. Although it is none of my business how any child joins a family, I love to hear the stories. I love to see “different” looking families,because I guess it reminds me of ours.
Funny thing is that I never think of our family as “different”. I often forget that someone in our family doesn't “fit”. You see I think we all fit just perfectly. I often forget that Deacon is black. Not that I don't see his color, because I value his color and we are proud of his color. We are not color blind. I guess we just forget that when we go out people might wonder about how we all got together.
I wonder all the time…I wonder about families with special needs children, with lots of children, with children that are close in age…with grown ups that have obvious things they are dealing with, all kinds of things. My question (and you know me well enough to know this comes from my heart) is this: Is it better to ask than to stare? I am trying to figure out what to teach my children and I am so bothered when they stare at people…not because I want to curb their curiosity, that is not at all what I believe to be the right thing to do…but rather, bothered because I don’t want to offend someone, yet I want my children to know there are different things going on out there…is any of this making ANY sense? It is in my own little brain…
I totally hear you. We forget that 3 of our 6 kids look different from some of us. We forget that they are black, b/c it doesn’t matter. We don’t notice it. Most people look at our kids, though, and see them first as black, and secondly as our kids. They don’t understand that we see them only as our kids, and OH they happen to be black.
I love how color-blind I have become in the few short months since our multiracial family was formed.
We have a daughter that is Chinese. She doesn’t look anything like her siblings or her cousins. She, however, looks more like her grandmother than the other grandkids, but that has nothing to do with this comment…
I forget we are “different” also. And I see other families and wonder, for some reason, especially if they are biracial. I feel guilty about trying to piece together their story in my mind. I don’t know why.
I feel the same way. To me there is no difference, Alex is just my son. I do worry that we are not around other black people, and how this will make him feel. I want to raise him to be confident in who he is. Do you worry about that or is it just me. He has just now started to see color. For the longest he said we were all brown except Briana he said she was green lol. I can not tell you how many people have come right out and ask me about how we got Alex. Which does not bother me I am always happy to share how God gave Alex to us.
Okay, that happened to me today! I saw a white woman with two black children, and I so wanted to talk to her and find out her story. I am always so excited to meet other transracial families, but then I know it’s obnoxious to approach total strangers so I don’t. But I think it’s natural to be curious about those stories when adoption is a big part of your life.
I also totally forget that our own family is transracial. Oftentimes I find people staring and think “What?! What are you looking at? My kids are behaving!”. And then I realize . . .oh yeah. We look a bit different. 🙂
i love this because i am constantly thinking the same things since we will soon become a different looking family 🙂
Okay, I have a very average looking family. But…I find myself doing the same thing! When I see other people, I am so interested in knowing their story! I guess because I am so close to many families who have adopted. When we have Cayden and Deacon, I don’t think about it at all until I realize that someone is watching us as we eat. Then I realize that they are probably wondering why we have the boys. People have asked me often is Cayden is mine because he and Molly look like brother and sister. I don’t think anyone has said that since Deacon has been with us. Hmmm. Hadn’t realized that until now.