Dear Single People,
Before you take this the wrong way, I want to tell you what I’m sorry for.
Earlier this week, I had an interview where someone asked me what my hope is for my kids and their future marriages.
I understood the question and the intention behind it, but I couldn’t answer until I started with this one word.
IF they get married.
More often than not, the Church and our Christian community don’t start here. And we should. I think for too long, and maybe without realizing it, we have been sharing messages about marriage and singleness that are not rooted in truth.
We have elevated marriage and parenthood above so many things that it has contributed to our community striving for that, believing that you have arrived or made it, instead of striving to chase Jesus where we are RIGHT NOW.
Here are a few myths that I want to set straight with anyone reading.
MYTH #1: Marriage is everything.
Marriage is not and will never be the ultimate thing in life. Yes, I love my husband. Yes, I’m grateful for our marriage and this life. But I’m 100% confident that marriage is not for everyone.
Do you know what is for everyone? Jesus. And with Him, we already have more than we need.
MYTH #2: Marriage will complete you.
This one can be hard because people often say it with good intentions. But God never promised that marriage would be a part of everyone’s story. What He did promise us is that He is more than enough. And suggesting that we are not complete until marriage is suggesting that He is not enough.
Jesus is enough. Always has been, always will be.
Myth #3: Marriage is when life begins.
Lean in close, friend. God has not forgotten you. You can absolutely fulfill what He has called you to do. You are not beneath anyone.
You are just as much of an asset as anyone else and you bring something wonderful because of who you are, not because of who you’re with.
So here is where the “I’m sorry” comes in.
I’m sorry when I, or we, or anyone has ever made you feel like your life doesn’t start until you have a ring on your finger.
I’m sorry when anyone has ever made you feel like your contribution to our world and church and society doesn’t matter.
I’m sorry when anyone has made you feel less than.
I’m sorry when anyone has made you feel that you don’t have a place here.
Your life has already started.
Your contribution matters.
You are not less than.
You have a place here.
CONNECT WITH JAMIE
Thank you for that! This is what I always run into at church, it’s as if you have an identity if you are married, but if you aren’t married, then people sometimes apologize(?). Marriage simply isn’t for everyone.
Jesus is my husband, and He takes care of me. Always.
This really hits home for me. As a 58-year-old, never-married woman, I definitely grew up with the idea that marriage was the be-all and end-all. I did not know (or even know of) any single adults who seemed happy and satisfied with life. But as I moved into my late 30s and 40s, I fell in love with my single life. I am so glad I did not wait for my life to start. I still love the idea of falling in love, but this life I have is so full and so rich that it’s hard for me to fathom how married life could be better. Someday I am going to write the book: Single: the story of the hopeless romantic who fell in love with being alone.
I think I said it to you previously and I’ll say it again and again. Thanks for saying this. The hurt that has been given by church people regarding this is REAL; “you are not good enough/ complete unless …”. Grrrrrrrrr
Thanks for reading, friend! Write that book!
Thank you for reading! We’re so glad you’re here (:
We appreciate you and are so glad that you’re here! Thank you for reading (:
THANK YOU for this!!! This message should be spread across the world! As someone who grew up in the church and got married, when divorce unexpectedly hit I felt like the black sheep of the family, church, etc. Going to church alone was hard. Finding girlfriends who weren’t married and/or had kids was hard. Sometimes going home to an empty apartment was hard. I later learned these things were hard for me because nobody talks about it- it’s not the “norm”. Thank you for your “IF” as that should be normalized and never questioned.
My husband & I were just chatting about this very topic during our morning marriage devotion, so this definitely caught my eye in your email.
Thank you for always being an incredible mentor in all things Jesus, you help us run on mission for Him in so many ways!
Thank you so much for reading! Your voice matters so much – keep sharing!
Thank you so much for reading, friend!
Thank you for saying this.
Thanks for reading, friend!