31 BIG finalDear Jamie of 1995,

Oh girl how I wish I could whisper so much in your ear right now, but the number one thing I would tell you right now is to stop telling people that you love Jesus because you truly don't and you are only confusing people more and more with this so called faith of yours.

Sure, you go to church with your family, but only really because you have to. I mean I know that you wouldn't ever say out loud that you don't want to, but really deep in your heart you hate it. You have no friends there. You have nothing in common with anyone there. And if you are truly honest with yourself you don't even fully believe everything you have grown up confessing you believe.

The problem with this faith that you are professing is that it's not real. Your life hasn't been changed by Jesus, and so when you tell people that it has you are being dishonest with them, and outright confusing them.

You tell them that Jesus is your Savior and that they should follow him as well, but yet you don't follow him. You follow yourself and nothing in your heart or your life for that matter is different than anyone else's.

You are a fake. You are a fraud. Stop telling people you follow Jesus. You are showing them a religion and that's it, and a religion will get you no where.

Now I'm being really hard on you, so here's the hope I offer you. God is way bigger than your fake relationship with him and fear not because in four years you will finally fall in love with Jesus and give your life to him. After all those years of professing a faith you didn't have, you will have it. Your life will lead you down many hard paths and you will finally end up at the bottom of the pit and there you will hear the call of God on your life and you will finally respond.

There is hope. You will hear his call. You will respond in faith. For real this time. You will be okay friend. God was always there pursuing you, his love is way bigger than our selfish hearts. Praise God for that.

Jamie in 2013