***For those of you in the adoption world this will come as no surprise to you.  For those of you not in the adoption world, this will sound like complete craziness to you!

Sometimes it feels as though our adoption is all consuming.  It comes in spurts.  I think of these two kids EVERY day, but honestly some days are just more consuming.

Today is a consuming day for me.

Not sure if it's because this is the first night I've been alone in a week and so my mind is more free to roam, but all I have thought about tonight is where are papers are in this crazy process.  I sit here and look at the IBESR blog and try to figure out who is getting out and when and why.  There is no rhyme or reason to this, and I'm not sure why I waste the time to try and figure this out.

It may have something to do with the fact that I just booked my tickets so the countdown (91 days) is on as to when I'll see my kids.  I keep wondering where we'll be in the process in 90 days.  Will we be out of IBESR?  Will we be in parquet?  Will I still be going crazy?

Sometimes I can't even imagine them being home.  Will it ever come to pass?  Will these four kids ever be under one roof?  How many more trips will I take to visit and have to leave?  Will it get any easier?

Tonight I just broke down crying and yearning for these two to be home.  Yearning for us to not loose any more months of their lives.  Yearning to be their mommy.  Longing to connect Amos & Story to Cayden & Deacon.  I want them to meet.  I want them to love.  I want them to be best friends for life.

So now I'm off to bed to dream of Haiti.  To dream of all my kids.  I pray that our papers move and move quickly!