Tonight was a night laced with hard phone conversations. My grandma is heading to the hospital and so cousins, aunts, moms, brothers have all been talking back and forth. After the last conversation I looked up and saw something new in my yard.
A bird nest. I looked at that nest with that momma bird sitting in it and it was as if God placed her there for me right in this moment. She was precious as her head moved around checking out her surroundings. I have no idea if there are eggs in there, but I am imagining that there are and that she's gonna be the best momma bird in the great state of Texas. I felt the irony of her simple life and my scared heart as I chatted with my family about my sweet Grandma having emergency surgery tonight. I was anxious. Fearful. Worrisome. Already thinking the worst. I love this lady and losing her is not something I am prepared for.
I got off the phone and stood there for a moment mesmerized by this bird. I'm not even a bird person, but this bird was special. This bird was life to me. I was begging God to keep my grandma safe. I was crying fearful tears of losing her. I was worried about her life and this bird was just sitting on her nest doing nothing but creating life.
God gently reminded me that he is in charge of this whole thing. I feel so helpless here in Texas as my Grandma is heading into surgery in Arizona, but the truth is that I am not in charge of anything and can't do anything to help. But I do know the one that is in charge and can do something. Jesus reminded his disciples of this exact thing when he says “Consider the ravens; they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”
I love how in the midst of anxiety and fear God can so gently nudge my heart towards him. Tonight I'm praying with confidence to a Father who loves my Grandma way more than I do. I'm praying to a Father that knows his plan and it is perfect. I'm begging him to wrap her in his arms and leave her here with me. I'm also fully aware that I serve a God that loves her even more than the birds in the air and he will be with her no matter what happens.