At our house we have always said that Aaron will talk with the boys about sex and I would talk with Story. Truthfully it's really because it just makes us feel more comfortable. And while I still think it's super important for the boys to talk about boy stuff with their daddy I realized yesterday that there are times when Aaron's not around and stuff comes up that I can't just say, “well let's wait to talk about this when your dad is here.”.
For example, yesterday while driving the kids remembered the time we saw a naked man getting arrested. Yes, we live in Austin and there was a naked man on the side of the road getting arrested. Joy.
This conversation led them to ask me if I have ever seen a man's private parts. For the love, why do these questions come up when we are in the car and Aaron's not there and Story's also in the car. I kinda giggled and told them that yes I have seen daddy's private parts. They all screamed in disgust. I didn't even think to explain to them that they are all boys and I have seen all their parts at one time or another! That might have done them in. It's kinda like when Cayden first realized that what Laura was doing to her baby (nursing), that I had once done to him. That revelation can be life shattering when you are eight.
Anyhow, after that the conversation led to …. “have you ever french kissed daddy?” …. “have you ever kissed daddy naked?” …. oh dear Lord it's getting worse.
This led me to talk about sex that night with Cayden. I figured that if he was willing to ask me these things, then we needed to be fully open with each other. Although I would much rather all these conversations go thru Aaron, I also want an open relationship with all my kids and want them to be able to talk to me about things as well.
I pulled out our trusty sex books and started with book one, and then read book two, which is way more intense than book one. I'm actually going to order books three and four today and to say that I'm nervous about reading them is an understatement. Anyhow, I nearly lost it with all of Cayden's questions. So cute. Keep in mind, these books have been read to him before from Aaron, so this isn't the first time he's heard this stuff, but we know is still important he learn about the sex subject, as we adults did, so we can be informed about having a happy sexual life, including the use of adult resources from sites like lovedignity.com and many others you can find online.
After the book literally explains how sex happens, Cayden stopped me and asked a few more questions. How did Adam & Eve know what to do? …. How does it actually fit in there? …. How do people know what to do? …. I kept it simple and not a lot of detail (obviously, OMG I am dying here), and then he looked at me with the most bewildered look and asked, “Have you ever done this mom?”.
Oh gracious it's getting worse.
“Yes, I've done this, remember you were inside of me, and this just explained how you got there.”
Then Cayden said, “You mean I'll have to do this when I get married?”
I giggled. I told him that married people do this and they actually like it.
He then stared at me again and said “I have to do it?”
Precious. Just precious. I love innocence.
Then one of the most precious moments ever between us happened. We were all snuggled up in my bed together and he asked me if I loved daddy more than I loved my mom. I couldn't quite get at what he was asking, but finally I answered and told him that I loved his daddy more than anyone else in this world. He then looked at me and said, “So one day will I love my wife more than I love you?”. I nodded and told him that yes he would and it would be okay. Then the moment happened. He looked at me and said, “I don't want that to happen because I don't want to love anyone more than you.”
I could have stayed there in that moment forever, and I want to remember this boy forever. One day he will love someone more, but today he doesn't.
All this talk about sex reminded me of a question Cayden asked me recently. In all seriousness he looked at me and asked me how I got those nipples on my face. I lost it with laughter. Dimples Cayden. They are called DIMPLES.
I think I've had enough sex talk for the week. Next week I'll tackle these books with Amos. Oh dear Lord I have to go thru this again. And again. And again.
How have you talked with your kids about sex? Any funny stories to share?