At our house we have always said that Aaron will talk with the boys about sex and I would talk with Story. Truthfully it's really because it just makes us feel more comfortable. And while I still think it's super important for the boys to talk about boy stuff with their daddy I realized yesterday that there are times when Aaron's not around and stuff comes up that I can't just say, “well let's wait to talk about this when your dad is here.”.
For example, yesterday while driving the kids remembered the time we saw a naked man getting arrested. Yes, we live in Austin and there was a naked man on the side of the road getting arrested. Joy.
This conversation led them to ask me if I have ever seen a man's private parts. For the love, why do these questions come up when we are in the car and Aaron's not there and Story's also in the car. I kinda giggled and told them that yes I have seen daddy's private parts. They all screamed in disgust. I didn't even think to explain to them that they are all boys and I have seen all their parts at one time or another! That might have done them in. It's kinda like when Cayden first realized that what Laura was doing to her baby (nursing), that I had once done to him. That revelation can be life shattering when you are eight.
Anyhow, after that the conversation led to …. “have you ever french kissed daddy?” …. “have you ever kissed daddy naked?” …. oh dear Lord it's getting worse.
This led me to talk about sex that night with Cayden. I figured that if he was willing to ask me these things, then we needed to be fully open with each other. Although I would much rather all these conversations go thru Aaron, I also want an open relationship with all my kids and want them to be able to talk to me about things as well.
I pulled out our trusty sex books and started with book one, and then read book two, which is way more intense than book one. I'm actually going to order books three and four today and to say that I'm nervous about reading them is an understatement. Anyhow, I nearly lost it with all of Cayden's questions. So cute. Keep in mind, these books have been read to him before from Aaron, so this isn't the first time he's heard this stuff, but we know is still important he learn about the sex subject, as we adults did, so we can be informed about having a happy sexual life, including the use of adult resources from sites like lovedignity.com and many others you can find online.
After the book literally explains how sex happens, Cayden stopped me and asked a few more questions. How did Adam & Eve know what to do? …. How does it actually fit in there? …. How do people know what to do? …. I kept it simple and not a lot of detail (obviously, OMG I am dying here), and then he looked at me with the most bewildered look and asked, “Have you ever done this mom?”.
Oh gracious it's getting worse.
“Yes, I've done this, remember you were inside of me, and this just explained how you got there.”
Then Cayden said, “You mean I'll have to do this when I get married?”
I giggled. I told him that married people do this and they actually like it.
He then stared at me again and said “I have to do it?”
Precious. Just precious. I love innocence.
Then one of the most precious moments ever between us happened. We were all snuggled up in my bed together and he asked me if I loved daddy more than I loved my mom. I couldn't quite get at what he was asking, but finally I answered and told him that I loved his daddy more than anyone else in this world. He then looked at me and said, “So one day will I love my wife more than I love you?”. I nodded and told him that yes he would and it would be okay. Then the moment happened. He looked at me and said, “I don't want that to happen because I don't want to love anyone more than you.”
I could have stayed there in that moment forever, and I want to remember this boy forever. One day he will love someone more, but today he doesn't.
All this talk about sex reminded me of a question Cayden asked me recently. In all seriousness he looked at me and asked me how I got those nipples on my face. I lost it with laughter. Dimples Cayden. They are called DIMPLES.
I think I've had enough sex talk for the week. Next week I'll tackle these books with Amos. Oh dear Lord I have to go thru this again. And again. And again.
How have you talked with your kids about sex? Any funny stories to share?
Well you know you’re going to get a comment from me! I was reading book 2 to Ella in the parking lot of an ice cream store last summer…and Ella, well, she isn’t scared about the topic let’s just say, and she wanted to read pg. 26 (THE page), herself (because first grade was about to start and she wanted to practice reading and she was intrigued by the illustration!?) And so, here I am, thankful I’m in the car, because I’m literally helping my 6 year old daughter sound out the word “semen”. I remember saying, “That’s the long “e” sound…” LOL Ella asked me a lot of those same questions Cayden did. Now Rilyn…she is silent the WHOLE time and won’t look at me!
This is the thing that scares me the most about parenting…and I’m not even a mom yet! I’ll be interested to hear how things go with Amos. We are planning to adopt (hopefully starting the process this year!) and I wonder if/how “the talk”will go differently with children who have been adopted.
You had me LOLing about Cayden’s dimple mix-up. When I was 4, I was wrapped up in a towel after getting out of the bath and told my family not to look at my “pimples” (meaning nipples)….and I STILL get made fun of about it 23 years later. haha 🙂
thank you for sharing this. I, too, have a son and started crying when you shared his tender moment. so wonderful to be a mom!!!
now, I need to order these books you mentioned!!!
My husband and I recently had to have the talk with our 10 and 11 year old boys (home 6 months from Haiti). The questions were hilarious….especially with the added bonus of a lingering language barrier! During the talk, my oldest son kept asking me not to use “those bad words.” (anatomically correct terms) I took special care to explain that they weren’t bad words…simply the corrects terms. The funniest part came the following day when we were mountain biking and my girl friend fell onto the cross bar while riding. My oldest saw her obviously in pain and asked her what was the matter. Then, all of a sudden, a light bulb went off in his head, and he said in his loudest, heavily accented voice….”OH! I know! You hit your VAGINA!”
Kari that is hilarious!
Haha, oh my goodness this just made my night! So cute!
Oh, this is life. My five year old is already asking how babies are made, ergo, humans and animals. I have been honest with her, and explaining that this happens at a later point in life and I will always be happy to answer her questions. Love the innocence.
Oh, my word. We are trying to put this talk off a bit longer because once you talk to the oldest, I think it is obvious that everyone will know within 24 hours. We have had some questions, but so far have side-stepped them or said “that’s a really good question that we will talk about when you are older.” Poor you, with Aaron gone!
I too have had conversations with all three of my children, including my son who likes to ask questions while daddy isn’t home. Lol. The best was with my middle daughter who was 9 at the time. We both heard a dog yelping outside my bedroom window. When we looked, the neighbors dogs were….well….you know! She asked what they were doing and my simple reply was “are you sure you want to know” I wasn’t quite ready to share, just because her older sister didn’t start getting information about sex until she was 11. Sometimes it is scarier for us as moms to share more than it is for them to find out. Your story made me smile. Thanks for sharing Jamie!
Oh, yes. The Talk made its way to our home in living color this year thanks to my daughter’s very first unit in her new 6th grade science book! I’ve talked bits and pieces with the girls before (they are 12 and 10.) But now we got to have the entire discussion, plus with the science textbook my oldest was learning all those important body parts – in Spanish, mind you, as we are missionaries in Chile. My husband told me he just about croaked when she asked him, “Daddy, how do you say ‘testiculo’ in English?” And then, a few weeks ago while walking down the street she saw some coiled dog poop (sorry – TMI, but that is very common here) and said, “Oh look! It’s just like a testicle.” And then corrected herself and come to find out she meant INTESTINE. We laughed so hard about this later!!
hahah amazing blog…
You need to look up Courtney Walsh’s blog and read her entry on sex talk (well, body part talk) with her kids. I was crying with laughter when she got to the part about the kids thinking the girl area was called “giant cowboy.” 🙂 This is priceless!
@Tara, I had a funny experience with my little cousin Sarah when she was about 6. We had taken a trip to Wild Adventures in Valdosta, GA. All of us were on the safari ride and we came upon 2 antelope things….well, in the act. My uncle (Sarah’s dad) started pointing in the opposite direction and saying pointedly “Hey, look over THERE, look at that thing over THERE, isn’t THAT cool?” trying to divert Sarah’s attention from the fornicating antelopes. All of us were like, ooh yeah, that is neat, look at that, blah blah blah (not really looking at anything in particular). Sarah says, in a voice the whole safari ride could hear, “Well, while y’all were looking over there, those animals were all on top of each other.” Absolutely priceless. I still laugh about that one!!
My tidbit of advice: Start EARLY!!! Like four or five. They won’t really get it, but when they’re a little older and the subject comes up, you can (comfortably and honestly) say, “Remember? We talked about this before…” 😉
my son got his first glimpse of anything when I left him and the dogs with my sister , two days before his dog was suppose to go to the vet, you can guess what happened that weekend.