Ever have one of those weeks where you don't even feel as though you are yourself. You lay in bed at night and wonder who you are and where did your “normal” self go. You feel as though you are walking in a fog throughout the day and only put on your “happy” face when you go out of your house. You yell at your kids and then wonder who that was that just snapped at them for doing something that is not that bad – I mean they are 3 and 1, so what should I expect.
I have had that week. I lay in bed at night and cry to Aaron, just asking him what is wrong with me. Why can't I snap out of it. I don't want to hang out with anyone, I just want to stay home and be sad. But why? I have nothing to be sad about. Nothing bad has happened to me to make me feel this way. Everything is good. No one is sick. Why can't I get out of this slump.
I have started realizing that my mind is getting the best of me. I am beating myself up. I don't even know why, but I think it is in my head. Today my bible study was about Satan getting in your head and making you think you are not what you truly are. The truth is that God has designed me and created me to do great things. He has allowed me to bring up two boys to love him (I'm working on this) and to teach them about Christ and what he has done for me in my life. God has changed my life. He has given me a second chance. He has forgiven my sins and believe me there are many.
So, after all that what do I have to make me hang my head down low. Today I decided that I need to combat this in my head. I need to believe that God has big plans for me. I sometimes devalue my role as a mother and wife. I sometimes allow Satan to convince me that I'm not good enough and that my life doesn't matter. I will not allow this to happen to me. I am desiring more than this right now.
My husband has been a hero to put up with me these past few days. He is comforting, and giving me my space and not pushing me for any answers. He is a jewel. I love him and am so grateful for him.
I made a choice today – I will be happy. I will not allow the evil one to defeat me. I will allow God to lavish me today with his love. I will accept his love. I will be joyful because of what God has done for me.
** It is also my time of the month,so this could play a small part in my problem.