The past two weeks have been fabulous around here for Amos. He's been so happy and we've noticed something different in him. It's as if he finally is starting to just for a split second realize that we love him a whole stinking lot. I swear he still questions that sometimes, and that can make a momma's heart break so quickly if you think about that for a while. I want my kids to know how much my heart beats for them and loves them dearly, and so to think that one of my kids questions that is hard. But this is real life for him. He does question it.
The past two weeks we've noticed a change. He is seeming to have a better time of picking himself up and moving on. A normal day would lead to a few pouting sessions and storming off to his room, all because heaven forbid we ask him to take a shower, or pick up his shoes, or read a book with us. Little, common requests can send him over the edge. Oh and that's not including the times that he might get in trouble, or disciplined for something. Just telling him to change his heart and “try that again” (a phrase that is said a lot around here) could send him into a tailspin that I'm quite certain he would have no idea how he got there, much less know how to get himself out.
These past few weeks we've seen him not only not go there, but if he does, we've seen him get himself out. Oh the praises we have lavished on him could make someone sick. I have told him so many times this week how proud I am of him. I'm proud of his choices, I'm proud of his attitude, I'm proud of him knowing that mommy loves him even if she has to get onto him. I'm just plain proud.
Two things I know have helped him lately. Well, I'm gonna say three things. Three things have helped him lately. #1 is that we've gotten back into our counseling sessions with him going two times a month. Amos loves to visit his counselor and lately we've had great moments of him talking about his feelings and us doing some things together to help him release those fears and helping him to understand his feelings. I wrote about the last one here, and I seriously think that him talking about his feelings is helping. #2 is that I spent a whole month with the thought of encouraging my kids on my mind. I was more thoughtful in my words. I was more in tune with my kids. I put a bit more effort into tucking them in at night. I would be a fool to think that my actions of putting my child before my own needs most wasn't effecting him. He is yearning for my love and my words and my reassurance. #3 I know there are people praying for him. I pray for him. I know some of you do too. Thank you. This kid is resilient and will do big things for God one day. I just know it.
Tonight as I was tucking him in we had some alone time to talk, and we were discussing his behavior earlier in the day. He had a hard night tonight with obeying and we were talking it through. He recounted the whole episode about him disobeying and having to sit in time out and blah blah blah …. then I told him that even though he was in trouble I still loved him so much. As those words left my mouth his eyes swelled up with tears. He never cried, but the tears were there. He still struggles to trust my love when he's in trouble. He is still trying to perform to make sure I'm gonna keep loving him and accepting him. I have made it a habit to never end a day with out me telling him that I love him NO MATTER WHAT he does. If he gets in trouble, I love him. If he doesn't get in trouble, I love him. If he disobeyes, I love him. If he obeys, I love him. I just plain love him no matter what he does. He needs to hear that daily. Don't we all want to know that from the ones that love us? Isn't that how God treats us? Doesn't he just love us no matter how much we mess up. He's just awesome like that!
So … my sweet Amos is doing so well. We are seeing changes in him every day. He is slowly but surely beginning to know that his momma loves him, even if he disobeys.
We’re still working on this with our little one, as well. She’s a toddler, so the communication is difficult, but I want so badly for her to get that we are here and love her no matter what she does. I appreciate your honesty about your adoptions (while still respecting your kids’ privacy). I think it’s important for adoptive families to be honest about the struggles. I’ll pray for Amos today.
funny. i feel the same way sometimes with my mom and dad, and i’ve been their daughter for 39 years. such fierce mamalove. so heartwarming. xo
Jamie, I followed you a few years ago when we were both going through Haitian adoptions. I’ve recently picked up the blogging scene again and I LOVE your blog 🙂 Thanks for your honesty. I mean, really. Honesty about adoption, healing, life, Christian struggles and growth, PANTIES. Shooot, since I’ve been here, I even bought pretty panties. LOL Any way, thanks for blogging. I love reading. I especially love seeing your babes thriving with their forever family.
Yippee to you Amanda buying pretty panties!! Thanks for reading and thanks for your encouragement!