This is a picture of my Mimi with her son, her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren. Looking at this picture brings a smile to my face because I see my grandmother surrounded by her offspring and 3 of them are black. I'm guessing she would have never thought as a young woman growing up that she would have a son that would grow up and then he would have a daughter and she would grow up and adopt babies that were black. Never in her wildest dreams!
I remember when I told her that we were adopting a child. Her reaction was probably quite common for a woman of her age. She was very concerned. She told me that she knew a woman, whose daughter had adopted a baby that was black and that baby was addicted to drugs when he was born. Of course she thought all babies that were adopted and were black would be born addicted to drugs. She then went on to tell how bad that child was now and it was probably because he was adopted. Y'all I'm serious she told me this whole story. I just smiled through the phone and thanked her for her concern. I mean what else can you say to your 75 year old grandma that probably has never met anyone that has adopted in her entire life and has no idea why I would ever want to do that.
Fast forward to Deacon's birth and we get one of the funniest comments I've ever heard from my grandma. My dad called her to tell her the exciting news that Deacon was born and she says to him on the phone … ya'll I can't make this up … get ready …. she asked my dad …. “is he still black?”. Yes she asked that. As if she was holding on hope that there was a big mix up and surely she wasn't going to have a black great-grandchild. I'm sure she prayed for months that God would not bring a black great-grandchild into her life!
Fast forward 6 years and my Mimi is in love with my children. She loves them all so much and doesn't seem to care if any of them have darker skin than her. This Christmas she was at my house and I can't explain to you how much she loved on my sweet baby girl Story. They connected and Story wanted to sit by Mimi all the time and she even asked Mimi if she could come stay with her at her house for 5 weeks next summer! When I talk to my Mimi on the phone she still talks about Story wanting to come stay with her. It does my heart good to know that my Mimi went from not understanding adoption, and worried about a black baby to genuinely loving my babies who joined our family through adoption!
I hear stories all the time about people hesitant about adopting a child of a different race because of their grandparents and how they would view this child. My heart breaks at hearing that. I tell everyone the exact same thing …. this is YOUR kid and not theirs. You must follow what God asks of YOU and not what your grandparents want of you. You are accountable to God for YOUR actions and not for THEIRS. I'm beyond grateful that my Mimi got to see my family grow in ways that she could have never imagined. I believe that each generation has the ability to change the one in front of them, and that's exactly what my kids are doing for their Mimi. I'm betting that she thinks differently about adoption now!
Beautiful point. We brought our daughter home to the island my husband is from. Grand Manan is off the coast of Maine & New Brunswick and is inhabited by all white fishermen! Nathan’s grandfather is 98 years old and has never been around children of a different ethnicity, but Smiles and my daughter fell in love. During service one Sunday morning, she sat on his lap and they just stared at each other–almost nose to nose. He couldn’t hear what she said, and she couldn’t understand English, but the two have been peas in a pod every summer since then.
God is in the change–for sure.
Thanks for posting this. My grandma FREAKED OUT when I told her we were adopting and she thought I meant from the states. I didn’t even get to the part that we were adopting from India! I told her about it in July and she has not asked me one question about it since. My mom had to tell her the child would be Indian and she had a similar reaction “will it be BLACK?”. Such a sad mentality. I hope she’ll learn to deal with it- got to follow God, not Granny!
Thanks for posting this. My grandmother told Chris and I last year that if we were adopting outside of our race we should not consider her our family anymore. It really hurt. I have been struggling with how to best handle this moving forward. Because I know she will not be a positive influence in our children’s lives, I am tempted to respond with a “your wish is my command” attitude and never see her again. But, it is my job to be the best advocate my child has ever had. Chris and I need to advocate a place in our family for them- even if our efforts fail. We will try our best, and if in the end our children aren’t fully accepted- we won’t continue to put them in situations where they are treated poorly. This story gives me some hope that my grandmother can accept our children regardless of the color of their skin. Thanks for posting!
My youngest child’s birthfather is Hispanic. At a lovely Sunday dinner, my husband’s brother began talking about “those”people” and how he had to deal with “them” all the time at work. Before he could get another word out of his mouth I turned at picked up my then infant daughter and set her in his arms……”She is one of ‘those people’ and if you want to be in her life your thought process needs to change”. He has never said another negative comment in our presence….he always loved Alia, he just didn’t make the connection to her culture and how his prejudice could hurt her little heart. We need to advocate and speak up for our children so the fear can fade away….always in love though…always in love.
Hi Jamie! I am so glad to read this post. My grandma incredibly NOT on board with our adoption. Its nice to see that there is hope and that I am not alone. 🙂 Thanks for sharing. So glad she came around!
Arin you are so not alone! I think lots of people in our grandparents generation feel this way and it’s so sad, but I believe that they can change and God can show them where this is wrong. 🙂
Tracey you are not playing around! Hilarious!! Great to show people where they are wrong in love. Love it!
Yes Erin there is hope!! You are right. You are your childs advocate and when they aren’t old enough to udnerstand or stand up for themselves, you are all they have! Continue to pray for your grandma. 🙂