Last week I got a text from Deacon's first mom telling me she was gonna be in Austin and wanted to see if we could get together. I love those texts and it warms my heart because I think it had been almost 2 years since we saw her last. I didn't realize how much Deacon looked forward to these visits until last year she thought she was going to make it to his birthday and didn't end up able to and it broke Deacon's heart. It wasn't her fault, something came up, I just learned to not tell Deacon until I knew it was gonna happen. I really had no idea it would bum him out like it did, but it made me happy knowing that he truly cares about her that way.
It was great to see her and she got to meet Amos for the first time too (Story was napping). When we first started our adoption I was convinced that I would never be comfortable around our birth mothers. I knew I would be freaked out, scared of them stealing my kid, worrying about them hating us and all those other misconceptions that are out there about birth parents. God changed and moved our hearts greatly during our domestic adoption process and we longed to have an open adoption.
As soon as she walked in our backyard Cayden asked her, “Are you Deacon's mom too?”. We always call her his first mom since truly that's what she was! Then later Cayden asked how she had Deacon if she wasn't married. We had a lesson right there about how people can still have babies if they aren't married. His little mind was taking it all in!
I wish I could post a picture of Deacon and his first mom because you too would see the resemblance in him to her. She's beautiful and when I told her about Deacon's gymnastics she reminded me of how she did gymnastics and actually continued to tumble and cheer throughout most of her pregnancy.
So happy for our visit with her today and love that she's still in Deacon's life.
Thank you for writing about your love and compassion towards your birthmothers. Many people don’t understand the love my husband and I are attempting to demonstrate despite the fact that our open adoption failed less than 24 hours ago.
We were prepared to bring a beautiful baby boy into our home, but his birth family changed their mind four days after his birth. I appreciate your perspective as I attempt to continue having compassion for the birthmother.
I now feel as though I can relate even better to a birthmother because of this experience. I am grieving my own loss – a different kind of loss – but still the loss of a child.
Thank you for including a link to the birthmother’s story.
Continue to love your birthmothers and demonstrate Christ to them.
If you’re interested in our story, you can read my blog – http://www.momentsdefined.com/
Our story isn’t stopping here, and neither is yours!