I am struggling with working.
There I said.
I'm struggling with it.
The truth is that I truly do love being an on air personality. Who would have ever thought I would have a job like this with NO experience and it just fell into my lap. I mean seriously out of no where I'm a working mom trying to make things work how they have always worked, but yet now instead of me being home all day with kids being mommy I'm not only home half the day and the rest of the time they're with a sitter.
This is not sitting well with me. I've been struggling through this and praying through this for a while now and today we talked about it on air. I opened up about my struggle with working and being mom and we got some good feedback. Most people said for me to follow my heart. Others said I should try and work it out because it's such a good schedule. I was so blessed to hear all of them say that they loved me on air and hoped I wasn't leaving. No matter how much you are struggling, to hear people say they like you and appreciate your presence and opinions is nice to hear.
A few weeks ago at the Parenting Seminar that was at our church I was really moved to be home more with our kids. Yes, three of them are in school now, but Story's not and honestly this girl needs me. She is so strong willed and so determined to break the mold that I feel as though it's a disadvantage for her to be with someone new each day that might not follow my rules, or know all of our rules, or enforce them like we do. She is searching for consistency and I feel bad for not allowing that to happen.
I feel bad that my kids have asked me lots in the past five months why I have to work, and still resort to Walmart shopping hacks to make ends meet for us. When they wake up on Saturday mornings they are surprised to see me and ask me why I'm home and if the babysitter is coming. Cayden recently asked me when I was going to not be on the radio anymore and go back to being a mom all the time. UGH. Knives to the heart.
All this weighs heavy on this momma's heart.
So, I put it out there today on air and today I'm putting it out here too. I'm struggling. Things aren't like they used to be around here and I am feeling overwhelmed as if I'm not doing my mom/wife job as well as I used to.
Any thoughts? Advice?