I am struggling with working.
There I said.
I'm struggling with it.
The truth is that I truly do love being an on air personality. Who would have ever thought I would have a job like this with NO experience and it just fell into my lap. I mean seriously out of no where I'm a working mom trying to make things work how they have always worked, but yet now instead of me being home all day with kids being mommy I'm not only home half the day and the rest of the time they're with a sitter.
This is not sitting well with me. I've been struggling through this and praying through this for a while now and today we talked about it on air. I opened up about my struggle with working and being mom and we got some good feedback. Most people said for me to follow my heart. Others said I should try and work it out because it's such a good schedule. I was so blessed to hear all of them say that they loved me on air and hoped I wasn't leaving. No matter how much you are struggling, to hear people say they like you and appreciate your presence and opinions is nice to hear.
A few weeks ago at the Parenting Seminar that was at our church I was really moved to be home more with our kids. Yes, three of them are in school now, but Story's not and honestly this girl needs me. She is so strong willed and so determined to break the mold that I feel as though it's a disadvantage for her to be with someone new each day that might not follow my rules, or know all of our rules, or enforce them like we do. She is searching for consistency and I feel bad for not allowing that to happen.
I feel bad that my kids have asked me lots in the past five months why I have to work, and still resort to Walmart shopping hacks to make ends meet for us. When they wake up on Saturday mornings they are surprised to see me and ask me why I'm home and if the babysitter is coming. Cayden recently asked me when I was going to not be on the radio anymore and go back to being a mom all the time. UGH. Knives to the heart.
All this weighs heavy on this momma's heart.
So, I put it out there today on air and today I'm putting it out here too. I'm struggling. Things aren't like they used to be around here and I am feeling overwhelmed as if I'm not doing my mom/wife job as well as I used to.
Any thoughts? Advice?
For 17 years this has been my struggle as well. I work part time and homeschool our three children. It is difficult but my job is so rewarding. As a Speech Pathologist working with 0 to 3 year olds with feeding and language problems, I really help people. God has given me the opportunity to witness through my job, love people and go into their homes an connect on a real level. It is more than just work….it is a career. There are days when I want to scream, cry or sell tickets my my nervous breakdown. I threaten quitting work, homeschooling or not getting out of bed at all. In the end we make it work. Most of the time I don’t know how. Some of the time I am filled with guilt. Bit all of the time I know that God will make my path clear and until He tells me to stop one thing or another I will press on. Seek His Face. Check His Word and then move on what He tells you. You are a great mom and a great on air personality. It is possible to do both and do them well. I will be praying for you.
I will pray for God to show you and Aaron what is best for your family. I know either way it’s hard. What would bring you the most peace? Much love to you and the fam.
Question: Do you NEED to work? Only if you really need to work should you even consider staying with KVET. You’re obviously torn between work and being a stay-at-home Mom and I don’t believe you’re going to have any peace of mind if you continue working. We love listening to you on the morning show and will certainly miss you if you leave, but family should always come first. If you need the extra income, perhaps you can find something to do out of the house.
P.S. Love your kids’ pictures! I pray you make the right decision in this matter.
I just wonder if an option is for you to be on the radio program, but from home? Surely technology is there for it to be like you are right there in the studio, but you’re not… that is one thought. I am not a mom yet, so I cannot completely understand the struggle. But I think I would listen to my kids. Seems they will tell me/show me what is best. I will be praying for you, sister!
How cute are these pictures?!!! Each one is cute for a different reason…so full of personality. Praying for you as you wade through these struggles. I’d support you in either scenario that both you and Aaron agree on through prayer. Tough to try seeing it through the lens of “what will others think”…when you take that part out of the equation, it may be clearer what direction the Lord is leading. Proverbs 2
Jamie, I will say that I LOVE hearing you KVET. God is using you in BIG ways on the radio.
However, you WILL NEVER REGRET staying home with your kiddos and just being a mommy. God gave them to you because He wants you to be the primary influence on their lives.
I know the struggle is between doing two things you love. But I think you already know the BEST thing to do. That doesn’t make it easy when such a great opportunity has fallen into your lap.
Praying for you!
Here are my 2 cents for what they’re worth : )
Pray about it. Ask God for clarity and peace about your decision. When I read this I thought of I Corinthians 14:33. God is not a God of disorder but of peace.
I believe some women are called to work outside the home (my mom was), but I also believe some women are called to stay home (I am). You have to do what God has told you to do and He will give you clarity about the situation if you seek Him.
As the other women above have said, seek God’s counsel above all others. For many years, I worked outside the home because we needed the second income. Once my husband’s career took off, I didn’t need to work outside the home, but I continued to do so as we were able to make it work for my family and we enjoyed being able to do more. Then, God started speaking to my husband about me needing to be at home. At first, I went to part-time. But even that took too much away from my children and husband who needed me more than we needed the second income. So, for three years, I was a stay-at-home mom again.
My husband passed away suddenly last year, and in order to save the funds he left for us for college, I went back to work this year. Thankfully, I am able to stay home until my children go to school. I am so grateful I had those years with my husband and children as my only focus. I don’t regret going back to work, but I am certainly thankful that I had the time with them that I did at home.
Listen to God first, then your husband, then your heart.
Ok. So my opinion as a stay at home mom is going to be totally different from all the others. If it is a job you love, that is a fill (ask Aaron about Matt’s Fills and Drains exercise), then I say continue on! Satan is so good at using guilt on moms as a way to distract us from doing things for ourselves that he doesn’t want us to do. God has you at this job at this time because it is where you are supposed to be. Your time in the morning w/ kiddos is so short and you’re home in the afternoons and there to tuck then in at night. You are a GREAT mom and you love your children well!
Look at the extent you went to to get that family of yours. Look at how God blessed that whole thing. Such a privilege and responsibility you have to nurture them. Many young moms struggle with wondering if they have talent or abilities outside the home and some have no choice but to work, but the reality is more of them wouldn’t have to work if they would settle for fewer worldly things and consider their kids as treasure. I know that you do and that’s probably why you are struggling. Pray and listen and God will direct your path. Story is worth giving up lots of other stuff for that extra time with her. Later there is time to pursue an interest of your own. That’s my input! Love your heart!
I am in tears. I am struggling with this issue- it is what I think about most of the time. I will probably have to work when we bring our baby home and its already KILLING ME (and no, it is not because I love too many wordly things). I already walk in from work and cry at the thought of my children not getting all of me (even when I am home because I’m so exhausted) As a kid who grew up in day care or with sitters, I want to tell you to quit and be with them- especially if you don’t have to work. But, I know that your sitters are people who love your kids too- and that wasn’t my experience. I admire your openness about this. Praying you’ll have peace over this soon…
I can’t relate but I read a blog of another mom who writes so well about this exact same struggle. Check out her words at http://johnson-mccormick.com/category/imbalance/
Must be something in the air. I spent two hours with a counselor last night, tears with my husband this morning and over an hour with my pastor this afternoon discussing what in the world is going on in my mind and weighing on my heart. I stayed at home with my kids most of about 15 years with little spurts of sanity part time jobs and now at 52 I am working to help pay college expenses but I really don’t want to be working at all because I am making only $10.25 an hour and I am worth twice that much…..AT LEAST! 🙂 we all are!
Problem is, my college degree no longer serves me well, nor does it even interest me in the least. I love to serve God and others and brainstorm ideas of how to engage others in fun and exciting projects and fellowship events. By the time I was done visiting with my pastor today he said I should come in once a week and visit with him because he needs to hear how we can draw others in and that is my gift.
In reality when I talk to my kids now age 16 – 26 they don’t have specific memories about me being home with them for all those years unless they look at pictures or hear the stories over and over. It confirms my belief that not hauling them all to Disney World years ago did not scar them for life!
There are no easy answers to this question….to work or not to work…..I am on the fence with a lot of the others, if you are not exhausted and short tempered, I would give it a little more time, but if the price seems too high, you have a very hectic life and 4 children is a lot to take on…….you can always carry with you the knowledge that you tried, you achieved and you gave it your best shot! Hey, no one can ask for more than that!
praying for you!
I hate myself for leaving a comment since you probably have an excess of opinions 🙂 From your blog, I know that a career as a DJ is something you really wanted, and many people voted for you and 1000’s of people support you and listen to you daily. I know you enjoy your job, and are probably feeling like if you give it up, this opportunity will never come again. You might even feel as though you’ll be letting people down if you quit. I just wanted to tell you that, whatever you decide to do, please don’t feel as though you’ll be disappointing the people who voted for you, should you decide to quit. You’ve received so many opinions that you might be tempted to feel guilty no matter what you decide to do. You’ve got to make a decision that will be good for your husband and your family, and don’t worry about the rest of us 🙂
I admit to being biased. I have been blessed to not work outside the home since my children were born. It seems your children are asking for something, more of you. They are the ones you have the most influence on. The best babysitter cannot love them or know them as well as you do. I do not say that to guilt you, but as the mom of teenagers. The time to influence them and mold their values is so short. You are a talented lady, there will be other jobs. Childhood is fleeting…..this I know!
You don’t know me, but I’m a friend of a friend and really enjoy your blog. This issue always strikes a chord with me because in the Christian world, moms are pressured to stay home. First of all, OF COURSE you’re conflicted – you love your kiddos. And also, they have experienced a change and are naturally going to take time to adjust. However, if you enjoy your job, it is so great for them to see that a woman can be a mom AND have an interesting job outside the home AND follow Jesus. You are still very present in the lives of your children. If God leads you to stick with your on-air role, I would suggest hiring a regular person for childcare. That will help a lot. Most importantly – listen to the Holy Spirit and try not to worry about what other people say. His path for you (and your kiddos) is unique. If He is leading you to work, then it could be He has something to teach your children in the midst of that circumstance.
I don’t know how you do it! You’re very brave!! (and organized) haha. For me, I’ve always said since I first got married that I would pass up any job and any amount of money to be a stay at home mom. I know it was the calling on my life and no matter how tough it might be, I knew God would provide. And he did. I just had my first baby in December and my husband got offered the best job he’s had yet paying 70% more. And I’m home all day taking care of the baby 🙂 It’s important that you follow the desires that God has placed on your heart. I think there’s seasons for a mom to work if it’s needed, but if you’re not feeling it I wouldn’t ignore that. God wants to bless you. You’ve sacrificed so much to adopt, and have children (who are a huge blessing in and of themselves) and God is just waiting to bless you!!
That’s my outlook anyway 🙂 I don’t even know you, but you seem like an awesome mama!
I am now curious what the Fills and Drains exercise is…from Heather’s comment…..
Jamie, I am delurking after following your blog for a couple years… Kudos to you for opening yourself up to advice and, unfortunately, criticism. I second the advice of many to seek God’s clarity. Regardless of what you choose to do, please don’t feel guilty for working. You provide an honest, Christian perspective to an audience that may not otherwise receive it. None of us know God’s will for your life, but I do believe guilting mothers into staying home is shameful. I can tell from reading your blog that you love your kids, and you love them well. And God gives people different desires and abilities. If your job is very fulfilling, I believe your kids benefits from having a content mom (perhaps similar to the Fills and Drains exercise?)
1 possible alternative: Is taking a leave of absence a possibility? I suggest this because your concerns about Story needing consistency are wise, and perhaps a few months off would provide that. If Story seems to be doing better how would you then feel about your decision? I do think that a consistent, caring, creative Christian caregiver is a lifesaver. (One who you feel confident will reinforce- every time- what you do at home and what you’re trying to teach your kids). They are out there!
I’m looking forward to hearing your decision, and I think you are an absolutely amazing mom either way.