As some of you know I do volunteer work for an adoption agency here in the Nashville area. We used them for most of our adoption in 2005 and I have been a supporter of them ever since. Each year they have a big dinner and auction to raise money for their office. Last year I was in charge of the auction and it kicked my tail. This year I am in charge of the program and have been so blessed this weekend to get to talk to different people that have been involved in adoption in some way or another.
On Friday I interviewed a couple that is the first couple from the Nashville office to complete an embryo adoption. I loved talking to them and learned so much about the process and their journey. If you or anyone you know is struggling with infertility this could be something you could look into.
The dad said a profound statement that I think I will carry with me for the rest of my life. He stated that he believed that God made him the way he did (with his fertility issues) for one reason. He then pointed to his four month old son that he was holding. He said without his fertility issues he would never have his son. WOW! God has a plan in our lives even when things don't look “perfect”.
Today I had the great honor to interview a birth mother. I believe that every adoptive couple should have to sit down and talk to someone who has placed their child for adoption. It is always good for us to see things from a different perspective. She changed the way I think of birth parents. I thought I was a good advocate for birth parents. I thought I understood them. I thought I valued our birth mom. She showed me that I could do more. I heard her talk about her son and heard the love that she had for him and it broke me. She said that although he is not her son legally, that he will always be her biological son. She loves him so much and is so happy for him but she said the first month was horrible. She and her mom (who was there for the interview as well) both said that they cried a lot and grieved terribly for the son and grandson that they had given away.
I was moved to tears almost as I listened to them talk about him. She loves this little boy. She adores him. She values his life and she is so happy with her decision. She said it has been the hardest thing she has ever done, but she feels she made the right choice. She has an open adoption and has seen her son twice in the past seven months and is so happy to be able to watch him grown.
As some of you know that read my blog you remember the post I wrote about having a hard time calling my son's birth mom “mom”. I think I am learning to see the whole picture now. Yes I am his mom, but so is she. She was his mom before I was. She took care of him before I even knew about him. She birthed him. She loved him before I could. I never want to take that from her. I never want to devalue her to him or to anyone else. So, yes she is his birth mom, but she is also the first mom he ever knew. Will I still say “birth mom”? Yes. Will I be offended when someone calls her “mom”? No.
I have never viewed birth parents as scary. But I have also never viewed them as parents. They forever will have a special place in their lives for the children that they placed with other people to raise. I will not rob them of that anymore.
This adoption journey is a fun one. There are many ups and downs along the path. We are being taught so much along this journey.