I walked into my dad's office completely out of the blue in the middle of the day. He of course was happy to see me, but immediately knew that something was wrong. I was so scared. I knew that my dad could help me, because dad's always help their daughters. I knew that he would have only my interest in mind when I shared with him what I was about to do, and that was comforting. I truly already knew what I was going to do – what I had to do – but I needed him to tell me that it was okay. It was okay to completely change the plans of my life with one conversation.
We sat down and as I looked at him the tears started to flow down my face. I was so scared and although I knew what I wanted to do, I didn't know how to do it, and knew that I could easily be making either the worst decision of my life, or the best. How was I to know, unless I did it.
“I can't marry him. I don't think he's who I'm supposed to be with the rest of my life.”
Without skipping a beat my dad hugged me and told m that I didn't have to.
“But I have a dress. I love my dress. We have a date. The reception is booked. The cute little chapel is booked. Mom has done so much work. She's gonna be mad at me. Will mom be mad at me?”
Again my dad hugged me and told me that my mom wouldn't be mad at me at all, and that she would be more concerned about my happiness than a stupid wedding. I believed him, even though I was really worried because she truly had worked so hard already on this wedding. Her daughters wedding. And now I was telling her I was calling it off.
My dad and I talked for a while and I explained all the feelings I had been having. I didn't tell him all the details, but I shared about how much pressure I felt from him to do things I had decided not to do anymore, even though we had previously done them. My dad knew that I was following Jesus now, for the first time ever my life had evidence of it. My heart was changing. I felt like our paths had somehow moved and he was going down one trail and I was following him all while making my own new trail that didn't include him.
I told my dad that I did love my fiancé. I did. Truly. But I was so scared that he wasn't the one, and that I was making a decision that I would regret for the rest of my life. I didn't want to have to look him in the eyes and tell him that I didn't want to marry him. How cruel can one person be to another?
I left my dad's office with his blessing and went to my fiancé to tell him I could no longer marry him. I knew this would either be the best thing I ever did or the worst. Although I didn't know how things would turn out, I knew that I couldn't marry someone that I felt was all of a sudden so different than me.
I called him and asked him to meet me at my work. He had no clue. I felt like the worst person in the world. I was about to have one of the hardest conversations of my life.
I drove to meet him and change both of our lives forever.
…. to be continued