Adoption update: Well there is nothing for me to update you with.
We're still in MOI and hoping each week for good news.
Don't you love that.
I must say over these past few weeks my emotions have changed. I don't know if I'm becoming numb or trying to protect my heart, but things have changed.
As you know I had prayed and hoped for April 12th to be our date. Easter. It would have been marvelous. Obviously our kids are not here. It didn't happen.
So then I began saying to people “we hope they're home by the end of the summer”. Well now we're half-way through June and the end of the summer is not looking so promising.
I found myself emailing someone tonight and stating that “I hope my kids are home by the end of the year.” Yeap that's right, I have gone from Easter, to end of summer to end of the year.
I can not make myself pick a date to pray for b/c I can't go through what I went through this past April with Easter coming and going. It was hard on me. I seriously think I was depressed there for a few weeks. Happy to the world, but dieing on the inside. I put on weight, I didn't call friends, I got behind on “normal” home stuff, and I was just down right sad all the time that I was not in the presence of friends.
Now I feel different. I feel as though I'm at more peace. I haven't cried in a few weeks. Being on the road with Aaron was good for me. I never had the opportunity to sit on the couch at night and cry and wallow in my misery. I was busy and not alone ever. It was good.
Now I'm back home, but I have determined to not get back into that nasty “groove” of misery each night. I'm fighting it and fighting it hard. My friend Ginger is here so we have “movie nights” most nights and that helps out tons. I'm loving it.
I'm feeling as though God is asking more of me. More trusting. More relying on him. More relaxing and not stressing. More of not trying to figure it all out. I feel as though he is asking me to trust that he really does truly know what he's doing. Sometimes I struggle with that. I sometimes truly think my plan is better than His. I know that's bold, but I'm just being honest. I struggle with feeling as though God is not looking out for my best interest and the best interest of my two babies in Haiti.
So, I continue to think of my kids in Haiti HOURLY. They are constantly on my mind. My friend Amy sent me home this past weekend with BAGS full of girl clothes from 2T to size 6. Oh my word it has been fun to go through those bags of clothes. I can't wait to be the mommy to a little girl!
So, no adoption update tonight. I pray and hope we get one soon for you. Thanks for prayers and thoughts. I'm not alone in this journey. There are many of you out there in my same boat.